Argument with my girlfriend

[drowning]

So my girlfriend and I are currently a few miles apart due to studies. Well basically, last year I found some messages in her phone that were pretty indecent even though she wasn't playing along with the guy but the guy was all sexual and my girlfriend responded with hahas, lols, and what not which didn't bother me as much but I don't believe she should have paid attention to him. So from then, I lost faith in her.

We've been dating for a year and about 9 months now, but just yesterday she told me she was going to bed. Said our goodnights and off she went, little did she know that we have the iPhone Find Friends tracking setup on our phones, so I know where she is whenever I check. I found out that she wasn't home when she said her goodnight. I texted her, but she didn't reply (she does fall asleep fast, well if she really was sleeping).

I confronted her in the morning, asking her were she was at the time she said goodnight. She told me she was at home, but had gone out that night as she got hungry and grabbed some late night food with a friend.

So I asked her who her friend was? And she wouldn't tell me? So I kept pushing until I said, is this some other guy you are seeing? And she got all mad, and wouldn't talk to me. I called her a couple a times and she wouldn't pick up until I forced her to pick up, asked her "Who was the guy?" Then she hung up on me again.

She then tells me that she doesn't have anything to tell or talk to me about. I ask her why, we are just talking? She then tells me that she can't back herself up on things I think she's done. "This is the last text I am sending you right now, I don't really care whether you think I was with a guy or not right now." <- Exactly what she said. And I try calling her again and she switched off her phone.

Now guys, I am sorry for the essay, poor grammar maybe, but I am in need of some really good help and advice, what should I do? I am willing to be open minded as possible and will listen to any suggestions. Please help!

[drowning]

Guys anyone?

[toknow]

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/88201-Complicated-situation-Need-advice

Refer to that advice

[basilandthyme]

little did she know that we have the iPhone Find Friends tracking setup on our phones

What do you mean 'little does she know?' Does she know or doesn't she?

I strongly suspect you'll be dumped very soon...she's obviously not the kind of girl who appreciates being stalked or questioned about her whereabouts. Though if you don't trust her, why do you continue to date her?

[drowning]

What do you mean 'little does she know?' Does she know or doesn't she?

I strongly suspect you'll be dumped very soon...she's obviously not the kind of girl who appreciates being stalked or questioned about her whereabouts. Though if you don't trust her, why do you continue to date her?

She does know. She is even capable of tracking my phone.

And it's because I actually do love her, but I am at a point of doing whatever good advice I get really.

[basilandthyme]

Yep, I know the app. I use the same one to make sure my disabled son has gotten from point A to point B safely.

To save the relationship, you're going to have to trust her. Perhaps make an agreement that the only time you'll have your tracking apps on is when you're trying to meet each other.

That being said, is it sensible to trust her? Without trust, there is nothing...but by the same token trust must be earned and kept.

[HeartIsAching]

You obviously have a high level of distrust for this young woman - you went through her phone, now you're tracking her whereabouts via an app that at first you said "little does she know" then you back-pedaled and said "She knows"...

So why do you distrust her? Is it her, or is it your insecurities? Has she given you reason to distrust her?

I'm thinking that's what's driving her disgust at this point.

[goodmorning]

You track where she is and confront her when she's not where she said she would be?

You're a psycho and this relationship is doomed. Z


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[Valixy]

You're right, she should have clearly ignored that guy who sent her sexual messages or she should have put him in his place, because she was in a relationship with you. Sometimes it's not easy to regain trust even if only something like that occurs, especially if you are living apart because of your studies, but you can't live controlling your girlfriend, or you'll end up becoming someone you're not. I personally don't see why she couldn't tell you who the friend she had dinner with was, you've been together for almost two years and that was a legitimate question, unless you're constantly interrogating her about everything she does.

You're the only one who can know if your fears are justified or if you should really try to move on from what happened last year. If what you've written is an isolated event, I think that she's giving up too quickly, but if you've repeatedly shown her that you don't trust her, maybe she is just tired of the relationship and it's better for both of you to end it.

You won't be able to address this problem if she doesn't want to communicate and I honestly think that when a partner doesn't want to make an effort for the relationship, there's not much left to do than moving on. And by all means stop tracking her, she is not your pet but your girlfriend who should love you as you love her, or you shouldn't be with her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her she's a skank, then dump her. You probably are about to get dumped. End it on your terms.

[pcmaster]

I see you want to give it a shot.

youtube.com/watch?v=6Ndw8AJXz9w

[drowning]

I am sincerely thankful for all your advice, I really needed it. At least I feel way better now after reading the various messages. I have decided to call it quits, and will be letting her know tomorrow morning.

To save the relationship, you're going to have to trust her. Perhaps make an agreement that the only time you'll have your tracking apps on is when you're trying to meet each other.
That being said, is it sensible to trust her? Without trust, there is nothing...but by the same token trust must be earned and kept.

I think that is the major problem, I really don't trust her anymore, and I completely agree that without trust, nothing really can go on.

You obviously have a high level of distrust for this young woman - you went through her phone, now you're tracking her whereabouts via an app that at first you said "little does she know" then you back-pedaled and said "She knows"...
So why do you distrust her? Is it her, or is it your insecurities? Has she given you reason to distrust her?
I'm thinking that's what's driving her disgust at this point.

About the "little does she know" it's just a way to brush things up, english is my third language, that's why I even said there might be some poor grammar and all before. I did come to realize that I really have no trust in her, and the issue is because of that first incident, we went through our phones, it never was a problem, only thing is she usually thought I would go on her Whatsapp but I found those "sexual messages" on another application, say like BBM. So to defend myself, going through each other's phones was never a problem. Another thing is the lies she tells, she lies and when you actually know the truth, she comes open, apologizes and all. Like there was one time, she went to a different state, my cousin told me that she saw her. When I asked her where she was, she lied. When I told her that I knew she was in another state, she came open and told me that she was escorting her friend to see her boyfriend, and she didn't want people to know... (Really?)...

You won't be able to address this problem if she doesn't want to communicate and I honestly think that when a partner doesn't want to make an effort for the relationship, there's not much left to do than moving on. And by all means stop tracking her, she is not your pet but your girlfriend who should love you as you love her, or you shouldn't be with her.

That's also another problem, our communication is pretty poor as of right now. Whenever we had problems we would talk them out and we would resolve them, and we were pretty good at it. But now she's all defensive like I know one of her friends is also influencing her, but I am in a relationship with her, not her friend. And about the stop tracking her, I agree well at least I learned what to do with my future girlfriend, I don't think I'll be getting back with this one..

Tell her she's a skank, then dump her. You probably are about to get dumped. End it on your terms.

I am not really into insulting, but I am going to dump her tomorrow, I waited 2-3 days for her to get the picture, but she doesn't seem like she even bothers. So I am going to end it first thing tomorrow.

I see you want to give it a shot.

youtube.com/watch?v=6Ndw8AJXz9w

I have given her plenty of shots before, one because of the sexual texts, the rest are big issues but weren't as bothersome as cheating and all. But giving her another shot? Not going to happen, I am moving on.

[basilandthyme]

You're making the right decision.

[AnErin]

Jesus Christ, has it really gotten to the point where stalkers and nosy people have to track each other on their cell phone? And pretty much anyone can have this? Is that what it means to be in a relationship these days?

Drowning, you are a classic stalker.