Argument

[confusedguy1012]

Not all LDR's fail but sounds to me like she may be moving on..

[smackie9]

It ain't over till the fat lady sings.....

[bekho]

Honestly you guys are the exact kind of advice I need. Thank you. I really feel supported by people who have the experience to deal with sensitive topics like mine.

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[bekho]

Just to update. We messaged the next day and I used some of the words from here to get my meanings across. She seems either angry at me or apathetic.

Like now we've agreed to give each other space and I won't ask anything and trust her blindly, as long as she is open and honest with what she's doing without me having to dig. She said that she feels that I became quiet and jealous when she wants to tell me who's been trying to chat her up. I see that as a sign of good disclosure from her... But also I feel like its kinds effed up. Like she doesnt understand why that makes me unhappy.

The above posters talking about manipulation and mind games thing is SO true.

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[ChrisFabiani]

I think she's losing her attraction for you man. If she gets the impression you are constantly trying to 'fix' the relationship and she is constantly not, it will create the effect that you care a lot and she doesn't care as much, which in her mind, will make her think that she is more important/valuable than you are.

I would concentrate on going out with your friends, having fun - make sure pictures get posted on facebook etc of you having fun, be positive, don't press the issue with her too much. When she sees you are happy and having a good time, she's likely to be more attracted to you.

Also when you do message her, make her feel valued/special. But don't do it 24/7, because then she will take it for granted. Then hopefully, when you're not giving her that 'special' attention, she will miss it and therefore miss you. It will make her naturally want to talk to you more.

Hope it helps, good luck man.

[Mattiemae]

Really there is truth to this: The more we focus on other people's faults and short comings the farther they move away from us. Really there is cause and effect relationship to how you communicate with another person. In a negative or positive way. It's a hard lesson to learn, but we have to accept others where there at in the moment without trying to change or fix them. Let them just be. Detaching emotionally and staying neutral you are the observer. We like to look at everyone else in the world about what they're doing wrong. We fail to see we cause the response through our own actions.

What I've learned with my partner is he feels safe with me, because I leave him alone, and pick on myself. lol I'm always constantly growing and learning about who I am. The more self worth and confidence I have in myself, the more I shine. I have my projects I create and work on. I share with others and learn from them. I move on with my life instead of focusing on other people. I have learned I get more attention and affection by meeting my emotional, mental, spiritual needs, and when I do this for myself, I can turn around with clarity and understand my partner. He is really no different than me. He doesn't like being blamed. He doesn't like being judged or ridiculed. He doesn't like people pointing fingers at him. He don't like being lectured, or told what to do. lol We're not so different in those areas. We don't get into the fixing, changing, and saving aspects. We are both independent and interdependent. Trust is important. Open communication. Honesty. We don't hide things, we don't allow fears to creep in. We don't draw conclusions, or assumptions. We listen to each other. It's just learning to leg of things the world teaches us to do, which is play mind games. We never leave the mind games until we've decided to stop playing the game. Really if she's not interest in talking to you, really you need to have the attitude it's not about you, or your issues. lol We make other people's issues ours, and really if people don't know themselves well enough, they don't know what they exactly want. So I do agree with Chris, go live your life. If she really cares, she will wonder why your not contacting her, or investing your time in her. Really you deserve to have someone that invests 100% into you. Shows you affection. Gives you their time, and shows interest. Why play mind games when you can find someone that really just enjoys your company and values who you are, whether you make mistakes or not.

[bekho]

Yea you guys are great. I like what you and the previous poster said about the need of balance and detaching yourself from the situation and not taking things too personally.

I think those are reasonable things to do when you are logical. Being in an emotional attached relationship makes those things more difficult to accomplish. How do you care without caring? I can care for the children I teach as a teacher, but I won't love them as me. Just as I can't love some professionally and not give my all.

The balance thing.. I think in my relationships... I've learned that I can be quite childish. Pushing and pulling. Being pushed and pulled. That is a kind of balance I guess? The idea of balance in a relationship is always shifting from side to side. I think from the previous posters advice, I should pull back a bit and see how she reacts. I don't wanna seem clingy. But I do wanna show her that I'm resilient.

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[bekho]

The idea of freedom vs ownership in love is something I find hard to put into practice. In a long distance relationship I think I really need her to show periodically that she belongs to me. But she isn't really doing that. If I let her be free I can't say that I love her as someone special to me.

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