I dont like the way he treats me. Advice please.

[smackie9]

Your background is no excuse for his bad behavior. He is what he is, it's you that doesn't always understand that someone like him is toxic and brings out the worst in you. You need to find someone who brings the best in you, and respects you as a woman and as a person.

[IndiReloaded]

He sucks. Find a better, nicer guy. Won't be hard based on what you wrote. Good luck.

[namemyname]

He sucks. Find a better, nicer guy. Won't be hard based on what you wrote. Good luck.

Yeah, it will. Because if she's serious about this - being with a guy who treats her like garbage, rapes her (sorry OP, but forcing yourself on someone who is passed out is RAPE), takes pics of her naked and forcing his dick in her passed out mouth, let's his friends feel her up, etc., and she feels this is true love, then yeah, she's going to repeat and repeat until and unless, she gets some very needed professional help.

[michelle23]

And I thought he was an asshole. You all are. It's very simple, don't comment. I didn't come on here to get told how stupid I was. If I already feel bad, why try to come on here and beat me up over again? I'll go talk to my real friends. They'll be upset but they will come from a real place. My mother is not even this bad. Have fun making fun of a real persons problem. So ignorant.

Don't ask a question if you cant handle the answer. These people are trying to help you. It is just hard to believe that any woman would put up with this s**t. He is a f**king pathological, narcissistic, sociopath. He practically tried to rape you, he let his friends feel you up, he is horrible to you when he is drunk and he only calls you when he wants sex, he refuses to commit to you (likely coz he is shagging others all the time) and you think he cares about you? If it wasn't so sick, it might actually be funny. I wonder how old you are? I mean if your a 16 year old, naive school girl than okay, most girls that age are kinda stupid when it comes to men but you are out drinking in the US so I assume that means you are over 21? Take the advice you are getting here and ditch this man, stop drinking alcohol coz it makes you stupid and go and get some counselling.

What did you expect? Did you honestly think any sane person would tell you this man will change or ever be nice to you or love you? You retract and say "he really isn't that bad". He cant get any worse! The worse part is you chased him after how he treated you that first night. He made it blatantly obvious he only wanted sex and he got pissy with you for "wasting his time". When I was single, I went out, met a lad, he'd ask for my number and the next day he would text me and ask me out on a proper date. If any guy tried it on the first night, he would never see me again. You have been a fool. You need to learn some self respect, you need to boost your self esteem and realize you are worth more than this and you need to find better taste in men

It all starts with you. If you don't want to be treated like a piece of meat then don't allow men to treat you this way. It really is that simple

[Kandi]

I wasn't upset about the advice. I was upset because they were disrespecting me at the beginning and not taking me seriously it wasn't a matter of me handling the answer or not.

I actually feel bad at how I made him appear because he is good to me most of the time. I was venting but I really did feel hurt at how he was acting this last time. He's totally different when he's sober. We hang out and we have fun. He's funny but he is very blunt even when sober so when he drinks, it's too much. He was the only guy I ever left the club with believe it or not, ever. I wasn't right when I said, he is mad when I can't make it. He is ok with that but if I'm late, he is mad. He is prompt and I struggle with time. I feel so good when I'm with him but when I leave, I feel bad but only after a night of clubbing and we both was drunk, acting crazy but he is too aggressive. I'm a good girl but I just think he has the wrong impression of me and I want advice on how to clear that up with him or don't bother with. I just wanted to let him know that I didn't like that and I'm done with that treatment. But I do plan on stepping back from him. I just needed to vent and also what I said above.

[VincenzoG91]

I've noticed, why is every newbie on this site accused of being a troll?

Nowonder people piss off from this Forum and your left with the same dinosaurs

If OP is a troll then their certainly have a lot of time on their hands.

There have been some obvious trolling threads lately, and there seem to be more of them in the summer time, so the regulars have been erring on the side of skepticism lately.

[VincenzoG91]

Kandi, I don't think you're a troll. While it seems obvious that this guy is bad news, there are some interesting issues that you have raised. I'm not a psychiatrist, so I don't understand how they fit together, but it seems like you like to control things, but then you also seem to enjoy losing control by drinking too much. I don't know what that means, but it seems like something that you should be concerned about. And maybe there is also some appeal in this guy who controls you and won't let you control him. Maybe you could get some help from a therapist in figuring these issues out. I had some serious issues involving anger in the past, and got some great help from taking an anger management class.

[michelle23]

A dramatic personality change when drunk normally points towards alcoholism. Plus they say your true colors show when drunk. If he is nasty to you while drunk then give him an ultimatum. You or the drink. Its very simple. But then again, you and he are not even a couple are you? So why would he even consider changing for you? He wont

[horndog]

A dramatic personality change when drunk normally points towards alcoholism. Plus they say your true colors show when drunk. If he is nasty to you while drunk then give him an ultimatum. You or the drink. Its very simple. But then again, you and he are not even a couple are you? So why would he even consider changing for you? He wont

Clueless once again. A dramatic personality change when drunk does not point to alcoholism. Some people get happy on booze and others get angry but it does ot make them an alcoholic. Habitual and addictive use of alcohol makes you an alcoholic, not what it does to your personality.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree. Treating someone like crap, drunk or not, doesn't make you an alcoholic. It makes you an asshole.

Respect yourself, you deserve better. Dump this guy.

[anonymous_a]

If he only acts like this when he's drinking, then he NEEDS to stop drinking. Like, completely. Even if he doesn't drink all the time, he clearly cannot handle his liquor, therefore he shouldn't be drinking. The reason he treats you like a whore is because you let him. You continuously go back to him, no matter how shitty he treats you. You're a doormat and people like him, feed off of people like you. If he doesn't quit drinking, he will never quit treating you this way. Just move on.

[Valixy]

I'm a good girl but I just think he has the wrong impression of me and I want advice on how to clear that up with him or don't bother with.

I don't think you can continue the relationship with him but start again and show him that you are someone else, Kandi. Unfortunately many men don't change their mind about a woman when she chases them and puts up with everything from the very beginning. It's either because they are programmed like that or they find it convenient, I don't know, but it keeps happening. This relationship with this man is totally compromised both because of you and him. And it will only get worse in time, chances are that he will even lose the sexual attraction/interest for you and dump you without a warning and without wanting to have anyhting to do with you anymore. While that might be the best thing that it could happen to you actually, it will really break your heart and it's up to you to avoid it.

A night with him isn't worth the many days of doubts and regrets you always have later. You're suffering most of the time and I don't know how long you're going to be able to ignore it. Ok, he isn't a monster but there is so much lack of love and respect (that you need!) in this relationship that it could destroy you as a person. You need to learn to discriminate between a good and a bad relationship, just like many others are doing every day, and be willing to lose something unhealthy even if you're so attached to it - because it is the right thing for you and you know it.

I think there is only way to make things right for you and show him that you are indeed someone else and that is by renouncing to this relationship and start taking care of yourself and be the woman you really are and want to be.

[Wakeup]

I wasn't upset about the advice. I was upset because they were disrespecting me at the beginning and not taking me seriously it wasn't a matter of me handling the answer or not.

I actually feel bad at how I made him appear because he is good to me most of the time. I was venting but I really did feel hurt at how he was acting this last time. He's totally different when he's sober. We hang out and we have fun. He's funny but he is very blunt even when sober so when he drinks, it's too much. He was the only guy I ever left the club with believe it or not, ever. I wasn't right when I said, he is mad when I can't make it. He is ok with that but if I'm late, he is mad. He is prompt and I struggle with time. I feel so good when I'm with him but when I leave, I feel bad but only after a night of clubbing and we both was drunk, acting crazy but he is too aggressive. I'm a good girl but I just think he has the wrong impression of me and I want advice on how to clear that up with him or don't bother with. I just wanted to let him know that I didn't like that and I'm done with that treatment. But I do plan on stepping back from him. I just needed to vent and also what I said above.

Spoken like a true codependent. You're in trouble and you're in denial, sadly. Get the hell away from him and get the professional therapy you need to get over the abuse that you keep going back for. This "thing" you have with him is dysfunctional to the nth degree.

You can fool other codependents, you can even fool yourself but you're not fooling me. Sorry. but there it is.

[Wakeup]

If he only acts like this when he's drinking, then he NEEDS to stop drinking. Like, completely. Even if he doesn't drink all the time, he clearly cannot handle his liquor, therefore he shouldn't be drinking. The reason he treats you like a whore is because you let him. You continuously go back to him, no matter how shitty he treats you. You're a doormat and people like him, feed off of people like you. If he doesn't quit drinking, he will never quit treating you this way. Just move on.

Even if he quits drinking he will still treat her like he has been because she's taught him that it's okay.

[namemyname]

Kandi - your rationalization of his abuse is akin to a battered wife. "Well, he's usually a really great guy. But, he only beats me once a month when he's stressed."

Listen to Wakeup - she's right. You ARE a codependent. Keep going down this path, and you will continue to be abused by men, only the abuse will get worse.