Mixed signals

[fearoflove]

There is this guy in my program who I used to have a crush on (He is good looking). But I moved on from it because I saw him talking to other girls and I didn't want to compete. I flirted him with him a bit by poking him on facebook and made some bantering comments on his photos. I saw him staring at me in class but I also saw him staring at another girl. So, I gave up and just let my desire die down. 5 months later which is now. Out of the blue, he poked me on facebook. I poked back and he poked me again. So I sent him a message saying "I see what you are doing. Starting a poke war?" He sent me a message back and said "to be fair, you poked me 5 months ago and I am just retaliating". We had a conversation about school, he asked if I made friends (I am new to the city for school), and talked about what I like to do for fun. The next day, he posted on facebook about some cultural event going on at my school and he asked if anyone wants to go with him. The event was obviously geared towards me because to be honest, the event was ethnically focused and there isn't other ppl in our program who is likely to be interested in an event like this. It is also very random for him to be interested in this event. His reason for being interested is that he doesn't know anything about it so he was curious. lol. Lame excuse. It was pretty obvious it was an indirect way to get me to come out. However, at the event, he brought a high school female friend with him and also he didn't make any moves on me. Thus, he is sending me mix signals. I dont know what his intentions are. Is he interested but shy OR he is just an attention whore and is playing games/using me to get to another girl?

[ashley89]

you haven't talked to him in person so how could he be giving mixed signals? you poked him first and he poked back, you messaged him first and he messaged back. it seems like you are the one doing all the first moves and he is just responding. I would try talking to him in person and maybe seeing if you have any chemistry cause it's kind of hard to tell just from messaging back and forth on Facebook. strike up a conversation in class and see where it goes, then try to hang out in person so you can get to know each other face to face.

[ashley89]

The event was obviously geared towards me because to be honest, the event was ethnically focused and there isn't other ppl in our program who is likely to be interested in an event like this. It is also very random for him to be interested in this event. His reason for being interested is that he doesn't know anything about it so he was curious. lol. Lame excuse. It was pretty obvious it was an indirect way to get me to come out. However, at the event, he brought a high school female friend with him and also he didn't make any moves on me. Thus, he is sending me mix signals.

if you felt it was geared towards you how come you didn't ask to go with him?

[fearoflove]

you haven't talked to him in person so how could he be giving mixed signals? you poked him first and he poked back, you messaged him first and he messaged back. it seems like you are the one doing all the first moves and he is just responding. I would try talking to him in person and maybe seeing if you have any chemistry cause it's kind of hard to tell just from messaging back and forth on Facebook. strike up a conversation in class and see where it goes, then try to hang out in person so you can get to know each other face to face.

Oh, he talks to me in class. Initiates all the conversations and how are yous. But he does that to all the other girls too.
We went to the event today so we had plenty of conversation.

[ashley89]

that's good, maybe try asking if he wants to hang out alone? like get lunch after class one day or something? then you can see how it goes and get a read on whether he's interested in you or just flirting around with other people

[fearoflove]

I don't feel comfortable going after him. Certainly will make a fool out of myself if he is indeed trying to play me. Is there a better way to go about it?

[ashley89]

not really... if he isn't making any effort to talk to or hang out with you the only way to see if he's interested is to ask him. maybe since you talk on Facebook you could message him on there so it isn't as nervewracking?

[ashley89]

either way at least you will have your answer, you know? if you ask to hang out and he denies you or seems uninterested, you will feel a little upset but at least know he isn't into you that way and move on. and if he says yes, you can hang out and see where it goes! it's better than just spending this time worrying and wondering about it

[Wakeup]

I don't feel comfortable going after him. Certainly will make a fool out of myself if he is indeed trying to play me. Is there a better way to go about it?

Why not follow your own advice in another thread:

Smiling and shit won't get you anywhere. Even when it does, it takes way too long.

Step 1: Talk to him
Step 2: Compliment him on his looks
Step 3: Ask him to "hang out"
Step 4: Take him to a place where you two can be alone
Step 5: Make your move (take his clothes off and take your clothes off and proceed to do the deed)
P.S Wear a condom, kids.

Seriously though: Because of your true aversion to actually initiating any sort of pursuit worth a damn (you are willing to "poke" *rolls eyes* but that's about it. ) How about you sit pretty and see if he cares enough for you to invite you somewhere without bringing along another girl. I think when a guy does that, you've been friend zoned... unless of course his culture dictates that he take a chaperone. O.o

[fearoflove]

Update:

He hinted about being single.
I mentioned to him that I went on POF.
He asked if I had any luck on it because he wants to ask for a friend.
I said it depends on gender and what your friend is looking for.
Then, he said he is planning to start an account on there and for his friend to manage it.

So, I took the hint, and said "why do you need to go on pof? Why don't you just go out with me?"

He then proposed the idea to go do something over the weekend.

[Wakeup]

Good... lets hope its more than just a shag and then off to POF... Up to you.

[toknow]

Go easy there Sherock. It might be fun poking at his brain, but I don't think you will get anywhere until something more definite happens. If you keep doing this you'll drive yourself crazy.

So, I took the hint, and said "why do you need to go on pof? Why don't you just go out with me?

Ooooo....Big props to you! Bulls eye! Wish more girls were that straight forward. It's really no fun finding out from a friend that someone liked you, but you had no idea about it, now you have no idea where they are. Or, someone telling you after 5 years that they had a huge crush on you in high school, but were too afraid to tell you...Ohhh, the agony!!! Why do people do that?!! Why hold such emotions inside and hurt themselves for years!! I had a girl at a bar come up to me, and say "You are gorgeous" asked me what I wanted to drink, bought it for me and left - didn't even sit down at the table!!! WTH!!?! Can some one please explain this to me? It makes no sense what so ever!!!