Feeling Lonely

[lonelygal]

I come to you with what may seem a very trivial problem in the grand scheme of things, but one which is very much distressing to me at the moment.

I have been single since February 2007, and am increasingly disheartened that I haven't met anyone else. I'm only young, and am currently at university, but it seems that most people I know are in a relationship and I can't seem to meet anyone! I have a good group of friends who are very good to me, and a family I love very much, even though I miss them when I'm at uni, but I desperately miss the feeling of being in love, and feel desperately lonely without a man who loves me. In addition, I haven't had sex in a mind-numbing 19 months, as I don't want meaningless one-night stands. Despite this though, I don't really miss sex all that much, compared to how much I miss just being held by a man, or getting kissed.

Prior to February 2007, I was in a very loving relationship for two years. We were madly in love and were intending to get married after I finished at university. I had a shaky first few months at uni and finished with him for very silly reasons. I've been left very hurt by the relationship, especially after efforts made by myself to reignite the relationship failed. I've now realised there's no point trying to get back with him; he's changed beyond the person I used to love, and I know that I miss the man I was with then, but I don't love who he is now, although sometimes it is difficult to make that distinction.

I am putting myself out there; going to parties and clubs and trying to get to know people, and I even tried online dating to no avail, but I have very low self-esteem and a poor body image and a) refuse to believe anyone would fancy me and b) seem to sabotage every chance at love I get. I am very lonely and would very much love to meet someone and have the rush I felt when I met my ex.

I know I'm lucky to have good friends and family, but it is a different feeling that I miss. I know there's nothing fundamentally wrong with being single, but if you have any comforting words or advice about how I might find love again, I would be very appreciative.

[l_girl]

Cheer up girl!! You'll find that special guy sooner or later. Don't date a guy just because you want to be held, kissed etc. Go into a relationship because you like him and not the physical benefits he can give you.

You need to learn to move on and not dwell on your ex. He isn't the man you fell in love with and like you said he's become somebody totally different. You just need to find a man you can love again and than you'll realize your ex is a total loser/jerk.

Btw I am not a huge fan of one night stands either so meh 19 months is fine. I mean you can always get some cool toys right

Keep going out and doing stuff and eventually you'll meet somebody. You're still in university so you're still very young and got lots of time! Don't let other people's relationship make you feel down as they may have problems you don't know about. I mean my relationship is a classic example of that. We're an amazing 'outside' couple but we've got serious issues.

I'll send a virtual hug your way!

[Indignant]

Have patience, don't throw yourself out there. Also, find ways to please yourself, masturbate, fantasize, read books. That usually keeps me going.

[ecojeanne]

you may have forgotten what a pain it is to be in a relationship. i know there are the good things but like you said you are young and i reckon changing your perspective to realise how much fun it is to be young and single would be the best thing you can do for yourself. think about all the things you can do without a bf hanging out of you. you can go out whenever YOU feel like it with your friends without having to think about anyone else. you probably have a high standard and there is nothing wrong with that, in-fact i applaud you for being like that. forget about it and one day someone will likely show up when you least expect it. enjoy your freedom. don't feel lonely, coz seriously you have plenty of time to get into a relationship with someone worthy.

[Tedel]

I have very low self-esteem and a poor body image and a) refuse to believe anyone would fancy me and b) seem to sabotage every chance at love I get.

Stop placing adjectives upon yourself and you'll see how things improve quickly. We are too many things at the same time to remember only those details that make us feel miserable.