Ghoster or mixed signals?

[Lovedianaroses]

A few weeks ago, I started dating an older man (we are in our late 20s and 30s), who is gorgeous, intellectual, and quite a gentleman for this day and age. We had an amazing first date, with tons of chemistry. We bonded so well that the date lasted all day, hours longer than we originally expected. We had lots in common and he was very vocal about it. In fact, he shared so much of his life philosophies and opened up so much that I was surprised. Afterwards, he initiated all the texts and follow up dates. I never initiated first. He had great pacing, not too smothering or desperate. On the second and third dates, however, he was a lot more reserved than our first date. He still spoke a lot, but not with the same enthusiasm as the first date. He seemed much more cautious.
Then, on our third date, it ended with some disagreement over a life philosophy matter and I was slightly defensive, though I tried to be polite. After this, I haven't heard from him in a week. I thought he was ghosting me so I was just going to move on, but then something came up in my life that made me reflect on my last convo with this man and I realized I was being too defensive. So I sent him a text regarding the subject matter of our last issue, casually and politely without mentioning anything about his silence or anything. And it was a statement and not a question, that involved me showing appreciation for sharing his perspective.
To my surprise, he immediately texted back within seconds and asked questions about my opinions on this matter. He also referred to something else in my life that he remembered from our conversations. So far, there hasn't been an extended convo after this topic discussion.
I'm not intending to initiate another date with him, unless he pursues me first.
I don't want to be a repulsive clinger. If he's not interested, I'll respect his feelings and back off.
But I am curious about what his behavior means.
Did his week of "ghoster" silence really mean he wasn't interested? If so, why did he reply so quickly?
To the men, does it bother you if a woman disagrees with your perspectives on life or is very assertive about her values? Can that be a turning off factor?

[smackie09]

Your issue is that you refuse to initiate. He's been doing all the heavy lifting, and it's turning him off by your need to feel "valued" or in your view, not wanting to be "clingy" IMO it should be 50/50...reciprocate equally. As for having an opinion...if he doesn't like it, then he can stick it. Maybe he's they type that wants someone to be totally on board with his views.

Obviously you both have different expectations on how things are to flow. It's fallen flat on it's face. You want this to work in some way...throw the guy a bone and ask him out on a date. It's not the 1950's.

[PRW]

Did his week of "ghoster" silence really mean he wasn't interested? If so, why did he reply so quickly?
To the men, does it bother you if a woman disagrees with your perspectives on life or is very assertive about her values? Can that be a turning off factor?

He wasn't ghosting you. He was giving you a break and expecting you to respond after taking that break,...which you did exactly that. He responded quickly because he was waiting to hear from you.

It is expected for the woman to reach out to the guy on her own after a couple dates. The guy expects to "jump start" the dating by doing all the initiating and perusing for the first few dates, but then he expects the woman to start initiating after that, but if she doesn't then she just wasn't that into him. He doesn't expect her to blatantly ask him out, but expects her to just reach out to "touch base" with him, and if he knows what he is doing he will take that as his que to make the next date. So if you want to hear from the guy,...reach out!!

When he responded quickly he asked you about something else from those conversations. This is because it is important to him. If he has things that he believes are important to him in life, then it is critical that whoever he is thinking of merging his life with be at least compatible even if not a perfect match. I'm an sure this is what he was looking for. If he comes to the conclusion that you are not compatible then he will move on. He is not being a jerk, he is just being smart about who he gets mixed up with.

There are only three things that I see he may have done wrong, but I am not going to come down too hard on him,...I think he did a reasonably good job compared to how whacked out far too many guys are now-a-days. Overall he seemed to do ok.

1. He way over-shared at the beginning. Too much texting and follow up. Too much enthusiasm. He should have shown more self control, emotional control, and impulse control. The first date should have been much more like the second date. Then when the second date happened it would have just felt normal to you (because it was more normal).

2. He shouldn't have let the third date get into an argument. He should have respectfully taken in what you said and thought on it later after he was alone and the high emotions reduced.

3. When he responded after you reached out he should not have jumped right into another discussion that was related to the one that caused tension. He should have spotted his que for what it was and made the next date. Anything you talked about over the phone could have waited till the date and would have worked out better because it would have included all the required non-verbal communication.

Quit the stupid game playing of "I'm not gonna talk to him till says something first!" That sounds like 2nd grade playground stuff. You don't come across as needy just because you contacted him,...needy is based on how you act when you do contact him. Think quality, not quantity. It is just a matter of a little common sense and adult discipline. When you contact him,...and if you do want to see him,...then just say you want to see him. Women need to figure out that guys are not women, we don't speak in "hints" and we just flat out don't get "hints",...so just say what you want.

[lovebroken]

Maybe he felt you weren't into him after you got defensive and then when you reached back out and made amends he promptly replied.

It comes down to if YOU liked him enough to lose out on someone you enjoyed spending time with, he is probably seeing others as well so if you want your time too, I would reach out. It isn't being a clinger it is saying I liked you and hoping he feels the same. If he doesn't then you least cannot kick yourself for not trying or wondering what if. GL