feelin a bit down

[english lad]

I've known this girl for 3 years, we became very close virtually as soon as we met but there was the all too common problem. 1 of us had strong feelings for the other...Me . After going out clubbing with her last night, I've come to the conclusion I need to break off all contact with her, being around her is just too hard I can't take it when we're out and she might flirt with another bloke, or with 1 of my guy friends.

I've told her how I feel in the past, twice actually. I got blown out but for some reason things weren't awkward and we stayed the same. How do I get over her though ? In the 3 years I've known her I haven't had a relationship cos all I think of is her, the few opportunitys i've had with other girls i've thrown away cos I don't pay enough attention to them, or I'd fair rather b around this girl than them.

I don't know how to get away though. I need to cut her out, but I don't want to tell her why...again. but I don't want to just ignore her and make her think I hate her, and therefor she'll end up hating me.

I've got to get over her fast, i'm about the only single guy left out of my friends now, i'm in danger of being left behind. cos of my feelings for her.

How do I do this ? I hope some of you have some thoughts.

[Killerbabe]

I do have some thoughts. I get really annoyed when people don't want to give someone a chance just because they're friends. So what?! Sometimes friends make the best kind of a relationship, after all you know each other well and can akip all the stupid crap other couples have to go through...like being intimidated and everything.

We can't really tell you if you strand a chance or not. It really depends on what kind of girl she is. How often does she go out with you? How often does she go out with other guys? Girls? Did she ever have a heartbreaking experience with some guy? maybe she's just scared of relationships...in general, and especially when it comes to you. My guess is, she doesn't want to mess up. That's why you have to take things slowly... don't just tell her that you (oh, I know you guys say this) "fancy" her, just go ahead and kiss her. See if she likes it. She'll realize that kissing a guy friend is a cool experience too.

[english lad]

Thanks KB

believe me it annoys me too that we're friends so we can't give it a go , but on the other hand I really don't think there's an attraction on her side, so I can't really blame her.

We r very close, we go out together we go to lunch together, the cinema together, hell we even used to go to yoga together (sad I know, but I need to keep in shape somehow ). I'm the only guy m8 she does things like that on her own with, but i'm positive it's just a friends thing and she trusts me having known me for so long.

Your suggestions r great KB, but I've come to the conclusion that it isn't going to happen, so I need to get past her, rather than make another move. 3 years is long enough of getting nowhere. I just need guidance on how too. For example, she's just text msg'd me asking if everythings ok. I didn't know how to react so I lied, and told her everything's fine.

It's not of course, but I don't want to tell her my feelings yet again, and I couldn't just ignore her because it would leave her questioning what she's done to upset me, which isn't fair on her.

Basically I know to get past this I've got to do something I don't want too, which is why it's hard and I need some help on the best method.

thx again

[eyesoulatedMIND]

Well, I had like a similar problem before... I met this girl at a New Year's party. We became friends and I wanted to be more than friends with her. I actually gave so many hints that I was interested with her, believe me she knew I wanted her, it was pretty obvious. I was like doing that for three months and nothing was happening. I finally decided that if I can't have her, I might as well have her as a friend. It was really hard for me because in my head, i knew i tried my best and i was like "she did not even gave me a chance".... After like two months her homegirl(my friend's girlfriend) came down with her along. We played pool n stuff. When they came home she was talking to my friend about me like "what's wrong with your friend i was trying to get his attention and flirt with him"... I was suprise when my friend told me this, I mean I never thought she'd be interested with me, I thought that she will just be a friend ya know... Now, we are seeing each other. We want to take things slow because we want this to work out.. English Lad I think that you tried your best. That's good that you showed her how you feel about her, atleast she has an idea. I know that you are hurting inside because you want her to feel the same way you feel about her. You gave it a shot, if she doesn't feel the same way you do, just be friends with her. Yea i know it's hard but if you completely cut your communication with her, it's going to hurt more... Like the person above me said, she probably doesn't want to mess up on a new relationship or she probably got hurt... You already told her how you feel, you did your thing.. It's her turn now.. have patience, if she is the one for you then she will come to you. if not, move on. I have been burned so many times and it sucks, but you know, you win some, you lose a lot... The right girl will come, just wait(even though waiting sucks and may take a lot longer) ... keep your head up..

[english lad]

Thanks eyesoulatedMIND

That's really great that you got together with her friend. And you also think I should stay in touch ?

I didn't expect that response to be honest, I was expecting people to tell me to "get over it!" "forget about her!" or maybe those suggestions are still to come

This girl did try to get me together with 1 of her friends b4 tho, but I just wasn't interested because I couldn't see past my friend. The same with other girls who've been attracted to me, in the past few years. Which is why I've been thinking about just cutting her out. I haven't moved on in a long time.

I'm confused!

[Killerbabe]

Okay, English lad, I think I know can explain just a little bit.

I know it sounds couterintuitive and absolutely deranged but girls usually try to hook up their guy friends with other girls just to see how they'll react. It's kind of like a test - if he'll go after the girl that means he doesn't like me at all, if he doesn't, than maybe I should do something about us getting together in the near future...

Like I said, don't just. Move in for the kill. Kiss her - that's the ultimate way to find out if there could be chemistry between the two of you.