Girlfriend is loosing it and I cant handle her

[therealjag]

Hey there,

I really need advice on this one so please help me out!

Basically I have been going out with my firl for 7 months now. The first 4 months were the best 4 months of my life but the past few have been disastrous. Due to the fact our parents will never let us be together I thought it would be best to end it but she just cant accept this. I've tried to then just keep fighting for us but I know deep down it will never work cos I cant give up my family.

Anyway, now the situation is that she doesnt trust me at all cos i dont want to see her everyday like i used to - mainly due to ease pressure at home so i dont get shouted and balled at everyday for seeing this girl....As a result of not seeing her everyday she has became so paranoid that she thinks im cheating on her and im so not - i wouldnt do that to her.

also, recently i have been wanting to have a night out with my friends but she just wont let me and its realy annoying me and making me hate her even more. she uses guilt trips and emotional blackmail so much and its so annoying just makes me want to scream (i dont obviously). One of the other reasons why im hating the way she is, is that she always wants me to change, for example dont drink anymore(even though i dont even drink that much), and even wants me to convert to islam.

At tha end of the day, the girl is so sweet and amazing. If my parents allowed it I would marry her maybe, but her paranoia and our background makes me want to just bail out cos i dont see this working. The fact that I keep telling her that i want to end it and she wont accept it is just killing her on the inside and its getting to a stage where she cant handle it.

I just want to end our relationship so that she can end her suffering and pain and I can move on with my life and she can with hers. She tells me that shes had dreams in her life where she is trying to find someone and now that someone has a face on it - its me....I want to be her number 1 but i know deep down I cant so i want to end it.

My question is, should I stay with her for the short term and help her out of this pain, or just end it now and deal with the consequences - even if that means her ending up ill over it? I feel like I have all of my own problems but at the same time im trying to deal with hers and her problems conflict mine so its just a vicious circle.

I know this has been a bit of a rant and its a bit mixed up but i just needed to vent cos my head is gona explode!

Cheers,

Jag

[no identity]

How old are you? You sound really young after reading that. If you are young, don't sweat this girl. There's plenty of fish in the sea. The fact that neither of your parents are crazy about you two seeing one another tells me you guys are pretty young, or atleast makes me assume.

She seems pretty controlling. The first serious relationship I was ever in (8 months) was similar. I got tired of my (ex) girlfriend not allowing me to hang out with buddies of mine and broke it off. Ended up being the best decision at the time, as I met another girl and ended up dating her for 2 1/2 years.

Regardless of whatever choice you make, have no regrets. And remember, everything happens for a reason. This could lead to something better.

[therealjag]

Hey man thanks for the reply.

Yeah I guess from the post I do seem really young but I am 25 and she is 20. I guess the whole parent thing stems from our cultural backgrounds due to her being Muslim and me being Sikh. As a culture we have very strong family ethics and thats one of the reasons why I cant betray my family. I really want to break it off with her cos even though she cant see it, she is very controlling and its difficult.

How could I go about breaking it off with her then, I guess there is no easy way and she will get tremendously upset but do you have any advice from your experience?

cheers,

Jag

[no identity]

Just be upfront with her about it man. Face to face, upfront tell her the truth. No regrets like I said. If you do choose to go down this road with it though, I hope you clearly think it through first -- to make sure this is what you truly want.

[bluesummer]

She sounds very insecure in her need to control you, and that likely won't change. Guilt trips and emotional blackmail are not the seeds of a healthy relationship. For this reason, I would say break it off with her. You may hurt her but she's young and will get over it.

The religious background thing can be touchy. Whose parents are the disapproving ones....hers or yours, or both? I suspect hers, simply because my experience with Sikhs is that they're very religiously tolerant. Sikhism, after all, has its roots in both Islam and Hinduism.