He does not know what he wants yet loves me????

[Supernova]

Okay everyone, I may sound crazy, I am reading over all the advice, but i am so numb and hurt I am up and down like a yoyo, and I am sure the people who have given me advice think I am a lost cause. But, I would like you guys to read the three messages he sent me yesterday, the first being I miss you. I do not understand why he would do that, then just stop talking again. Was I wrong in replying?
he is treating me like shit now, it hurt having him say I miss you.
Some advice was leave him alone do not talk etc, then some say, End it with him. But that would mean I would have to make the first move and talk to him.
Should I just give it a time limit like another 3 days and if he does not contact me at all then I call and end it?
Yes, I was waiting for official validation of "it is over", and I was clinging to the hope because he has not said it, it was not real.
If I end it with him - then in his head, I did it and therefore easier for him to just move on.
I still love him deeply and I surpress the good times and the plans we made.
I do not want to piss him off or get him mad by bugging him. IF I just not talk not text, just be pleasant in my replies when he texts, isn't that showing I am a nice person?
I am confused again as to exactly what my steps should be... please clarify it for me.

[cmacattack1]

You are in pain right now and you want a clear cut decision to start the healing process. If you really think that waiting around will accomplish something, you are wrong. You are already moving forward here. Hearing I miss you sucks I know, but you have to keep doing what you are doing. Tell him that he needs to be on his own to figure out his issues and you need space too. If he needs clarification on that, then say we are not together.

Do not worry about the consequences of this because you are doing this for you. What is happening right now isn't working. Making decisions around how he feels and what you are afraid will happen will not get you anywhere. Remember this is for the best, and tell him that even if he doesn't understand now. A little time on his own will get his mind cookin.

[LailaK]

-_-

It sounds like you want him no matter how much of a jerk he's being to you. You keep making excuses for him (his mother, he's stressed, blah blah blah) but the truth is if he weren't an a**hole he'd be treating you better. Too tired to sugar coat it today.

If you want him back (which I don't advise) you can try something that always works for me (again, I don't advise it). Immature men want what they can't have, right. When you talk to him, cut the love crap. Speak to him like he speaks to you.answer his texts as short as you possibly can. Full on ignore texts if you can. When you talk to him on the phone rush him off. Make plans and don't hide them, let him know you're busy.

Basically, he can have his cake and eat it too right now. He can have his fun and run back to you when his ego needs stroking. You are his comfort place. Take away that comfort and he will miss it and crawl back. The only way to get him back is to make him miss you. The only way to make a guy who's being a jerk miss you is to be a bigger jerk to him.

I personally think that you should move on (not talk to him again) and find a guy that's worth your time.

[grey]

-_-

It sounds like you want him no matter how much of a jerk he's being to you. You keep making excuses for him (his mother, he's stressed, blah blah blah) but the truth is if he weren't an a**hole he'd be treating you better. Too tired to sugar coat it today.

If you want him back (which I don't advise) you can try something that always works for me (again, I don't advise it). Immature men want what they can't have, right. When you talk to him, cut the love crap. Speak to him like he speaks to you.answer his texts as short as you possibly can. Full on ignore texts if you can. When you talk to him on the phone rush him off. Make plans and don't hide them, let him know you're busy.

Basically, he can have his cake and eat it too right now. He can have his fun and run back to you when his ego needs stroking. You are his comfort place. Take away that comfort and he will miss it and crawl back. The only way to get him back is to make him miss you. The only way to make a guy who's being a jerk miss you is to be a bigger jerk to him.

I personally think that you should move on (not talk to him again) and find a guy that's worth your time.

I agree with all this advice, I just wanted to add that you still should not go back to him and BEWARE, by retaliating in a sense, it could cause way more drama and things could back fire.

[Supernova]

You are in pain right now and you want a clear cut decision to start the healing process. If you really think that waiting around will accomplish something, you are wrong. You are already moving forward here. Hearing I miss you sucks I know, but you have to keep doing what you are doing. Tell him that he needs to be on his own to figure out his issues and you need space too. If he needs clarification on that, then say we are not together.

Do not worry about the consequences of this because you are doing this for you. What is happening right now isn't working. Making decisions around how he feels and what you are afraid will happen will not get you anywhere. Remember this is for the best, and tell him that even if he doesn't understand now. A little time on his own will get his mind cookin.

cmacattack1 - thank you, I am at a place now where I am ready to say (whatever the consequences are), that he needs time on his own and I need space. He has tortured my soul to much. I am just getting my courage, and hearing from him 36 hours ago did not help, and I did not like how his words "miss you" played with my emotions. I just do not know how to tell him, I tried tocall this afternoon but he did not answer, hopefully he would not have noticed I had called, I hung up before it went to voice mail. So, 36 hours later and no contact from him, I am not sure how I can tell him. Do you think an email will be ok???? I will put it in - I would have preferred to tell you over the phone in person but......
I would prefer just to say nothing now and not talk at all. But it has to come to an end. I hope I do not back down..... I will wait another 24 hours and see if he contacts me, that would be easier to tell him then.

To LailaK -- I know I sound like a jerk loving a jerk, yeah I still love him for what he WAS, I hate yes hate him for what he is, and it is easier now that he has treated me so poorly. I would never do that to him or anyone else, so this has shown me his strength of character. (weak weak man). I am just getting my head in the right space to move on, I do not want him the way he is, it would have to be a miracle and a lot of changes for me to even reconsider anything from that man.

To Grey - Yes I do not want any more drama, its torture.

I pray God gives me strength to standby my convictions right now. I hope I do not crumble if he ever contacts me again.

I just want the pain to stop.

[LailaK]

You don't sound like a jerk. I never said that. He's a jerk.

You just sound confused, hurt, and willing to accept his bs.

You need to decide your plan of action before he contacts you and stick to your plan. That way when he contacts you you won't be blindsided. You'll know what to do.

Suggested plan of action: Ignore all attempts at contact by him and move on with your life.

[Gigabitch]

Think of him as a snake. He's injected you with his venom and it's making you weak. You need to stay away from him long enough that your head clears and you can get up and walk away. If he keeps biting you, you're done for.

[Supernova]

Oh God, help me........ the snake just texted "What are you doing? talk? " I WILL NOT ANSWER I WILL NOT ANSWER .... but this is my opportunity to end it..... but I don't want to.... I am sitting here crying.... but I will not answer.

[Roymax]

First take a deep breath and relax. I feel your pain Supernova. You're crying for the kind of person you wish he was when you met him and now he isn't the same. I've been struggling with this for the last couple of years wondering why my ex wife decided having more freedom to pursue her own lifestyle by going out partying with friends was more important than us being together as a family. The betrayal I experienced really did hurt me.

I realized overtime that you cannot change a person if they don't want to no matter how much love you show them. The ball seems like it is in his court. You must stand firm in your position and clearly let him know that he isn't same person of the quality you fell in love with. If he really loved you then you would be the main focus and priority in his life. Don't let him cause you anymore pain with his foolish behavior. You deserve better. Your heart is not a game to play with. You're scared...I know because I was before letting go of woman I've loved for 8 years. It's not easy but don't let the suffering drag any longer wasting anymore of your time. It seems like your heart is crying on the inside and he isn't listening. What ever you do don't let him pull you down. Stay strong and don't give in to anymore pain. Your worth it. If you need a shoulder to cry on then here's mine.

Now you may wonder why should I listen to a guy from a thread who can't handle rejection when trying to get a date. I'm stronger in some area categories in a relationship..but the initial dating scene is weak for me. I can only share to you my experience in which I hope will help you see the bigger picture here.

[Supernova]

A lot of nice people have been giving me advice, and I am sure a few have given up thinking I am a lost cause! but hey this is a new wound. Gigabitch, Lailak, Grey and others are all great, I do not need to be treated like shit. Its just hard acting out the advice, it was to all of a sudden. Time is what I need. I am want to just ignore him like I am, because he is a snake right now, its like every two or three days a text to see if I am still around for him. **** that@! But I need to know, do I call back a day later (as I got a text today) and say right, its over i will not be treated this way. Or do I just leave it. That is my dilema.
The pain is unbearable sometimes. Its when he texted today it hurt even more.

[Roymax]

You need to stand your ground no matter how many times he text you. Just think of it as when ever he text you he is asking you can I continue my behavior? will you except me as a different person that you didn't originally fall in love with? As long as he knows where you stand let him figure it out. Yes, it's going to hurt but hang in there. It's you he is hurting. It's time to let him know how you feel for a change when he isn't listening to you.

[LailaK]

I agree with Roymax.

[Supernova]

I can honestly say, I do not know how I would have coped without the advice and support from your guys here, its wonderful. Today I can honestly say, I am feeling stronger. Some of the advice was like a jaggered pill (good song by the way), and I did not want to hear it (Gigabitch and LailaK), you probably felt that lol. But as harsh as it seemed I needed it. Roymax, I am thinking those questions when he contacts me, and I will not accept this behavior.

Today I just answered by phone without looking and it was him (honestly!!! i did not look at the display) ....... This is how it went (I cannot believe this snake!!!!!)

He was acting all bubbly and happy (not like himself for the past month) He said hi, I have a few mins very busy with paperwork, asked if I was still going to the gym everyday, I told him not today getting to go out with people from work. (I work with fireman so I know he would be a bit pissed and if not who cares!). Then he said this "Do you still love me?" OMG --- I said this and I am so proud of myself I could scream with satisfaction.... I said "what a question to ask me, what would you say if I had asked you that? and he said yes I do." I said wow I have to run gotta get ready, he then said okay, I will talk to you in a day or so. Then I said bye."

Be proud of me! I am, maybe not proud of the fact that I should have said get lost do not contact me, but I am not that strong yet, I hurt but I am getting stronger.

I am so so so much closer to that day. But the good thing is, this conversation did not make me feel bad, number 1 because I did not give him the opportunity of finding out how I felt, and number 2 him acting like nothing is happening and all happy, is making me decision so so much easier that this guy is the biggest most immature jerk in the world.

I am looking forward to the day I can just delete his number and move on, but until that day comes I am taking it day by day and just remembering everything you guys have told me.

I am raving on again but this is therapy to me. I know I will be up and down. I do miss him, but I miss the old person he was, not what he is now and I am finally seeing him for what he was.

Apart from all this I have another question to the forum, Astrology, this guy is a gemini and i have been reading all this bad stuff about gemini's, do you think astrology does play a part in a persons personality type?

[cmacattack1]

I guess if you consider that a victory. It sounds like you were just trying to piss him off.
Two wrongs don't make a right?

I'm sure he still cares. When he feels like he is losing you, he is going to try and be that happy positive person that you loved in the first place. This is the time when you just need to say that he needs to get his priorities in line and that you cannot be with him. None of these games, none of this hanging on until I get stronger enough to never talk to him again. Just tell him straight, don't be afraid. Do you care about him? Do you want a future with him?

Like a band-aid. Right off.

[Supernova]

I just read what I posted today, I sound like a lunatic. I have had time to sit down and go through it all. No more pathetic excuses from me, I feel such a fool. He is not worth it, and I will not stoop to games and hurt myself more.

Its over, I do not wish to talk to him anymore, he can have all the time he needs. I do not need to be strong to break it off.

Answer to your two questions? I care about him but I do not love this man, I loved the other man. and No I do not want a future with him.

The damage has been done. Simple not rocket science.

Thank you for being to the point I was just fooling myself.