Am I Wasting My Time??

[lonelyinlove]

I have been dating a guy for 6 months now. He was married to a woman for over 20 years who cheated on him for over a year before she finally left him and still would not admit that she had cheated on him until 5 months after they split up. He had been split up from this woman for 1 1/2 years before we started dating and while they had filed for a divorce it was still not final and at this point it still isn't final. They have finally come to an agreement yet they still have not signed the papers and they don't go to court until the 25th of January. The fact that his marriage fell apart and she cheated on him did devastate him and for about 10 months he did nothing but go to work and come home. He finally started getting out and dated one other woman before me.

Here is my issue:

When we first started dating I was actually living with my mother and step father and was saving money to move out on my own again as I had lost my husband suddenly a few years back and it was put me in a financial tailspin. We seemed to have a connection almost immediately when we first went out. He was the first guy that I actually felt something with in a really long time. We had a good time together no matter what we did and truly enjoy each others company. He made several comments over the summer that he wanted to spend more time with me and if his divorce was final he would move me right into his home. Well, I ended up renting a place closer to where he lives as his farm is about 20 miles from where I was living at the time. At this point, we had not slept together.

when I moved into the house, he stayed with me non stop for the first two weeks I lived there. I knew that until his divorce was final and the property issues were settled that he would not be able to stay with me all the time and that was fine. Well after the first two weeks it got to be where he stayed with me about every other day then every 3rd day and then once a week and then he got to where he wouldn't stay the night with me at all. I asked him several times why and he comes up with some pretty lame excuses like he has a lot of stuff in his house and he doesn't want to leave it as he is afraid of what his ex might do. Let me back up a second here and let you know this. The first night that he stayed at his house after spending two weeks with me, his ex showed up at his house at 11:00 pm at night and it seems that ever since then he has backed way off of us. He did stay with me on Christmas Eve but I feel like I had to beg him to do that.

He keeps telling me he wants a future with me and he cares about me but he has never said I love you to me. He keeps talking about us finding our own house and has taken me to look at several places with him but then he will say and do things that make me feel like he doesn't really want that. Everyone tells me he is just acting this way because he is trying to get his divorce settled before moving forward with me.

Am I an idiot? Is he still in love with his ex and do I need to just break things off with him so he can maybe go back to her and work things out? Should I trust what he is telling me instead of his actions and just see what happens when the divorce is final? Should I give it a certain amount of time and if it isn't done move on?

I have not felt this way about anyone since I was very young but I don't want to fall deeper and deeper in love with a guy who doesn't want me. Help me PLEASE

[smackie9]

Give him his space. Dealing with a divorce is a very emotional thing to go through. Of course he still loves her, they had 20 years together, but the ex wants this divorce or she would have stopped it long ago. They had a year and a half to try and work things out. You seriously need to give him time to get over this. This very hard for him. You have to be supportive, and let him know you will be there for him when he needs it.