Should I fight for this relationship? Opinions needed

[toquade]

I'm sorry if this is long, I'm upset and rambling.

I met B when I was in high school, we worked together. A year later we start hanging out and from day 2 we've been crazy about each other. We had a few weeks together before I left for school, which is an hour away. We continued to see each other as much as possible and made it official about two months ago. Came home for winter break, saw him every day, we were fantastic. Our relationship was the strongest its ever been. We truly did have a great relationship. From the very beginning, it's been fantastic. We never dealt with the stuff other couples have to deal with, like problems communicating, jealousy, insecurities, fighting, etc. It was just B and me, caring about each other and spending as much time together as possible.

Since returning to school, we've hit problems. I joined greek life here at university and became extremely busy, we couldn't talk on the phone every night like we used to and we weren't seeing each other for hours every day like we were over break. I think this is what sparked our problems.

He's telling me today that all of the sudden, our relationship is causing him a lot of anxiety. He has low self esteem and personal issues that he's hid from me, very well, until yesterday. He also has a horrible idea of relationships due to his past long-term relationship. He's super confused and he knows that he's unhappy with himself. He says he needs to figure himself out and he can't do that while we're together. He says he still wants me in his life and that he doesn't think his feelings for me have changed (I know thats not a definitive answer, but it's a lot better than "I don't know"). However, he says that he feels himself getting closer to me and it freaks him out and he gets scared and pushes away. He wants me to help him through this stuff as a friend.

I've never felt like this about someone, and I've never been in a relationship this great before. I know he's going through stuff and that the "relationship", not me, became the enemy, the anxiety-inducing thing. People have told me that men who have low self-esteem sometimes freak out when they see people truly caring for them, because they can't love themselves and don't understand how someone could love them. Actually, this probably applies to people in general, but still, I think thats whats going on here.

I want to fight for this relationship. I know we didn't break up so he could pursue other girls, and I really don't think his feelings for me have changed. I'm tempted to drive home and see him in the next 72 hours and try to show him that he's wrong, show him how great we are together. I don't know if this is the right thing to do though. I don't know how long I should wait, what I should do, what I shouldn't do, etc. Please share your opinions with me, and thank you for reading.

[ammi00]

I don't know why, but I think this guy is actually looking for excuses to end the relationship. Indeed, one of the reasons may be the fact that he has low self esteem & personal problems. You could drive home and see what he has exactly to say - but if his problems are really that bad, I don't think you can help him, and probably he needs to see a specialist.

[twinrexes]

"I'm tempted to drive home and see him in the next 72 hours and try to show him that he's wrong, show him how great we are together. "

You know enough about human nature to know that he has self esteem issues and closeness scares him. Well, know this too: if you try to convince someone they're wrong, you'll only make them fight harder to convince you that they're right.

Try the opposite. Tell him you understand perfectly and would like to give him as much room as he needs to figure things out. Whether he just needs space or is trying to break up "gently", there's still nothing you can do to talk him out of it.