Confused and mixed feelings .... help with your opinions please

**wishnoharm** · 26-07-11, 08:24 AM

first i'd like to say greetings to all, this is my first post and sorry if its not in the correct place.

ok, so, we started off being friends with benefits about a year or so (maybe more) ago. about 2 months into the friendship she and i had a talk about "are we dating or just staying friends with benefits?"... so because by this time we had never argued we would always hang out, no issues i decided to put a label on the friendship and become bf and gf. now since this time it has been about 10-11 months since we have been in a serious relationship and just the other day she told me she was really falling in love with me and she loves me. now me being me and didnt want to be fake about it i replied with, "i am glad you were able to tell me that and i appreciate it, however i cant say the same about you just yet"... i really dont know when i can say that to her, there is no time frame or switch i can activate.... sometimes i think to my self do i even know what love is? i will be honest and upfront with anyone reading this, i am not really the "lovie dovie" type of guy... (the last serious relationship i had was 4-5 years ago)

long story short i am now in a dire situation because i thought this train was going way too fast and way too far so i sort asked to pull the brakes and take some time off. why am i having these mixed feelings and doubts that if this relationship doesnt work out in the future both of us will be really hurt? i have asked her that same question she says "you will not know until you try" well true but we are no longer 17 and 18... where we have 5-10 years to burn...

lets put love aside for a moment and look at the reality of the situation. i compare her to a few girls i know both personally and through other people and her traits are great, shes got a good personality, shes not an a-hole, we both like to do things in common (minus some stuff but you get my drift).

ever since this situation came up, i have been anxious, my stomach feels like its on a roller coaster ride, i am just not myself.

what do you think? what would you do if you were in my shoes?

**smackie9** · 26-07-11, 09:56 AM

Separate from each other with no contact...then you will see how you really feel about her.

**wishnoharm** · 26-07-11, 01:03 PM

thats what i have done.....

is a permanent break up and taking time off with no contact 2 different things?

**wishnoharm** · 26-07-11, 01:05 PM

thanks smackie , your right

**wishnoharm** · 27-07-11, 02:23 AM

any one else have any ideas/thoughts?

**DarkHelmet82** · 27-07-11, 02:52 AM

sounds like you just need time to ponder things... but you need to be honest with yourself and with her.

**wishnoharm** · 27-07-11, 03:05 AM

its such a 50/50 feeling that i am really stuck, it feels like its dead in the center.

half of me wants to be with her because of her traits, her personality.. etc...

the other half is saying get out because later on it will be much harder... the draw back from this and i dont know why but it feels like i wont find someone else as compatible.

**Enchanté** · 27-07-11, 05:11 AM

you can't commit to someone if you're not certain you even want to be with her, and it would be unfair to both of you to start something serious and committed when you're not fully ready or into it. Perhaps you should go a good period of time with no contact, give yourself time to see what things are like without her. You can't make a decision to be with someone based on the fact that you think you won't find anyone better--that's a sorry reason and a girl deserves more than that. Go no contact, for a while till you clear your head, not just a few days.

**Kyeema** · 27-07-11, 05:12 AM

Originally Posted by wishnoharm

its such a 50/50 feeling that i am really stuck, it feels like its dead in the center.

half of me wants to be with her because of her traits, her personality.. etc...

the other half is saying get out because later on it will be much harder... the draw back from this and i dont know why but it feels like i wont find someone else as compatible.

Don't you think you're giving the answer here yourself?

I don't see your love for her in these words, do you? Sounds more like you're making a plus/minus list for business or buying a house or a horse... sorry to be that honest, but I think the only reason you'd be with her was fear... fear of not finding anyone else better...

And a half of you is never going to be enough for a happy, working relationship - this needs all of you!

Love & light
Kyeema

**wishnoharm** · 27-07-11, 05:21 AM

Originally Posted by Enchanté

you can't commit to someone if you're not certain you even want to be with her, and it would be unfair to both of you to start something serious and committed when you're not fully ready or into it. Perhaps you should go a good period of time with no contact, give yourself time to see what things are like without her. You can't make a decision to be with someone based on the fact that you think you won't find anyone better--that's a sorry reason and a girl deserves more than that. Go no contact, for a while till you clear your head, not just a few days.

i have talked about this with her, i understand there is no gurantee on either side of the grass. so if we take a break and we each go our way i do not expect her to be strapped to a tree or be limited to her house. she like myself is a human being, i get this 100%...

when i told her this yesterday at first she felt like "fine then i guess this is it".... then later on at night she communicated with me saying "i wont treat this as if it was written in stone"... what does that mean!? i just got done with telling you we are on break.

man this is painful!...

**wishnoharm** · 27-07-11, 05:24 AM

Hey Kyeema,

you are correct about not seeing the love there, this is because i was not planning on being dishonest with her and telling her i love/loved her when i really hadnt reached that type of emotional apex in this relationship.

am i doing the correct thing and saying that i need to walk away for a while?

thanks for the response btw i appreciate it.

**Kyeema** · 27-07-11, 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by wishnoharm

"i wont treat this as if it was written in stone"

This means that she is still hoping for more and it's up to you to be honest with her and strong...

Big hug
Kyeema

Added:

when i really hadnt reached that type of emotional apex in this relationship.

You don't love her... so what's the point in holding on to her?

**wishnoharm** · 27-07-11, 05:42 AM

thanks a lot folks, it really helps to talk about it.. no hard feelings if i come back with another post here, just trying to get things off my chest.

**wishnoharm** · 03-08-11, 03:14 AM

so its now been a week and i am doing much better. i have cleared a few items from my basket and i know this is still a short period of time but i still feel weird about it... i dont feel 100% yet and i dont know how long that will take but i cant come to the conclusion if have let go of a great person.

i dont know what caused this sudden change of feelings. maybe stress at work.

what a shi**y feeling man.

**wishnoharm** · 06-08-11, 01:26 AM

she is having a very tough time not being in contact with me. she communicated with me yesterday via text and asked if we could meet up. i know i probably shouldnt have but i was in the area and so we met up and had a chat. Even though some stuff has been clearing up there is still a great deal of fog in my head.

she had a few items of mine that she also returned yesterday.

Thread: Confused and mixed feelings .... help with your opinions please

Thread Tools

Confused and mixed feelings .... help with your opinions please

Similar Threads

Mixed feelings. Frustrated.

Broke up with my girlfriend, confused and mixed feelings

In Need of some help/advice/opinions. Getting mixed messages.

Mixed up feelings....

Mixed feelings or denial

Posting Permissions