Is it make or break?

[alicejane]

Hi. sorry this is a little long but please stick with me!!!
I'm in a quandry. One minute i'm pretty sure about everything. Then the next, something happens which makes me doubt it all. Overall i am happy although my life could be a little more colourful - i am a single mum in her 40's- divorced (still on speaking terms with Dad) have my own house and a full time job and mum to one - struggle financially - but hey we all do.

Just a bit of background: I have know my other half for 20 years (+15 ys older than me) - its only since i got divorced and the last 3 years that we have been together. split up twice but worked through this and made us stronger. love him to bits. he's been on his own for 10 years - no other responsibility but him and then with me it seems that he does things on his own terms and his own way - he is generous (when he has money - was unemployed for 2 years - really stressful time - now working and loving to my daughter and they have a good relationship and when together we feel like a unit.

At the moment the crunch for me is that we are talking about him moving in, and when I approach the subject of us making an agreement (as i have a mortgage) what happens if we ever split. He said why? he would probably die before me! He said we need to set up a joint account - and i said of course but that means i would have to change all my bank details for the current payments to the new one and be better for him to pay into mine and he said 'no' point blank i'm not being treated as a tenant! It seems he doesn't want to sit down and talk things through - just set up and go. i've tried a couple of times just to get it all finalised and sorted for my own peace of mind if anything but just walks off in a huff. Like to talk about plans for the house and the future just like he's ticking over and letting it all goes past like a dream.

i feel that i do everything. he does the garden, cooks, contributes to weekly shop (as hes there 3-5 days a week sometimes) and thats it. I have to ask him to hang the washing out/do the washing up/tidy up after himself. doesn't seem he does anything off his own back unless he wants to do it. same with eating he teases my daughter (it upsets her and she doesn't hold back telling him but he doesnt and causes problems some times) when she has 'her garbage head' on but ok when he wants to eat when he wants? sometimes i end up nagging and he gets the hump. it gets so tiring. IN compairson with my ex-husband - we shared all of the chores, both organised - am i expecting too much?

He would be moving in from a rented flat in to a ready made home and will benefit from everything i've poured my money into (albeit in debt) . He's bring nothing in financially. On my side splitting things will make it easier for me but i've often wondered if i should suck it and see or just carry on as is and not go down this route. i have my daughter to consider. we hardly go out and have fun. when he's at his flat he goes out for a couple of beers with his friends and then comes to me and we end up having a curry delivered and in front of the tv. i mention this but he doesn't get it however i try. i am stuck in my 4 walls 7 days a week (5 of them working!) don't have any friends to go out with (colleagues at work i talk to and family of course). feel maybe i'm missing out but letting go is difficult cos obviously fear of being lonely. he accuses me of being grumpy (work is bringing me down a bit). i don't know am i being loved and wanted or used?
I would love to hear everyones opinions and thoughts. If you need more info please let me know.
Thank you for reading.

[MaidenMinx]

First point I'd like to make is that comparing him to your ex husband is unfair. He is not your ex husband and things didn't work with your ex husband so I'm assuming you wouldn't want him to be. If you enjoy other ways he's different from his husband, learn to accept the other ways he differs.

Before I continue to give you my assessment , I have to ask, does he make you laugh?