In love but we broke up - really confused why?

[fredflinstone]

Girlfriend (now ex) called it quits last night, but it's not because we don't love each other.

A little background, she is 18, in her second last year of High school (Year 11) and I'm 21, finished uni and working full time. We have been going out for 5 months and despite a few hiccups along the way, we were very happy and in love. It's the first serious relationship for the both of us. She was a little distant in the first couple of months but gradually got closer and we got to the point of seeing each other every second day. We have instant messaging on our phones and were constantly talking to each other. The basis of her breaking up is that she wants to concentrate on her studies and feels that our relationship is a distraction.

Her first semester was excellent to say the least, achieving A or A+ across the board with her lowest exam mark being 86%. She's an international student here in Australia (her family is overseas) so she's alone and her primary purpose is to finish her secondary schooling with a view of attending Universities here. She's 8 weeks into this semester and her marks have been on a solid decline receiving 75% for a test and more recently 69% for another test so her alarm bells are ringing. She's talked about breaking up over and over (at least once a month), using her studies as the reason, but never actually called it quits. We've talked and talked about her studies and came up with a number of solutions like accompanying her to the library and studying together (I would read a book) or coming over to my house to study/do her homework. It hasn't worked out thanks to her laziness as she wants to leave the library as soon as we get there, and when she's at my house, she wants to watch tv or sleep and hardly gets any work done. I went to the same school and have dug up my old books and study guides and given it to her, so I'm not sure what more I can do. I gave her the number of the english tutor I used when I was studying after she mentioned she wanted one, and she sends me essays to read over and correct her grammar. I'm trying to her her studies, instead of being a hindrance, but I blame her laziness more than our relationship for her falling grades.

She's saying the instant messaging on our phones were a distraction, so we agreed to uninstall the application. She said we were spending too much time on the phone, so we agreed to call only after 10:30pm but she breaks her own rules by calling me!

Recently, she's been saying it every week, again for the same reason. Last week, we were talking on the phone and she said she wanted to break up. I agreed and hung up, but she called me back twenty minutes later saying thats not what she wants so it was still on. After that night, everything seemed fine and she even spent a night over at mine on the weekend.

What I'm really confused about is that we went from making love to breaking up in 48 hours, without any arguments or disagreements! Any ideas?

We were talking for 3 hours last night and she wanted out so I let her go, but we kept talking and talking. She kept repeating she had to sleep but even though I kept talking, she wouldn't hang up on me. We ended the call with her saying good night baby even though she kept saying throughout "we've broken up" when I (sometimes accidentally) called her sweetie.

Anyone have any ideas what is going on?

[bulrush]

Sounds like she is torn between spending more time with you and her studies. I think her studies will always be #1, but I can't see why she cannot compromise and take you to the library with her. I think she is very distracted by you, because she really LIKES you, which is why she doesn't want to mix studying and you. She wouldn't get anything done with you there! That's a compliment to you, BTW.

But, if spending this much time apart really bothers you, and you cannot come to a compromise that works, your option is to find someone else. Have a serious talk with her first. See if she really is distracted by you.

I know my and my gf have to spend time apart because we are so attracted to one another. If we spent every weekend together, nothing would ever get done. We would always be "smoochy smoochy kissey face".