Classified as a ''Brother'' by the girl i'm head over heals for

[nothingbutabro]

Hi girls

First time poster here i just need some honest advice and need to write out my story and get it off my chest because it's been eating me up all weekend ad the people i talk to can't really see where i'm coming from.

Anyways here we go.

About a year ago my family (me, my mum and sister) moved to a new town because our old one had no job opportunities and pretty much no future. My Mum's friends daughter moved down with us so she could pursue uni.

This girl is the whole package, she's beautiful (not super model beautiful or has guys falling over in the street looking at her) but i think she's goregeous, she has an awesome personality and a great sense of humour. I wasn't head over heals for her to begin with but there was some feeling there and we would do everything together. We would go exploring this great new town together, go bike riding together, partake in sport together watch tv shows together etc etc.

Anyways i met this other girl at work and she in her own right is great but with how some girls play guys i sort of seen just how wonderful the girl i'm living with is and i started developing feelings for her.

I've kept my feelings to myself cause i honestly don't know but i've tested the waters by giving her hugs and nice compliments here and there and with the hugs she'll return them in kind and she hasn't protested the new shown affection as far as i know. Another thing that should be noted is we wrestle A LOT friends and family around us notice and the chemistry has been noted and questions have been asked, which sort of had it going in my head that maybe she may feel the same way.

An offsided comment was made by mother, when i got a new job my mum was saying that i may meet a new women and get laid and according to my mum the girl in question didn't look too happy about it, thats subjective though so i can't really tell what she's thinking.

Anyway the other night we were arguing (playfully) and she called me gay and i said no i like girls like you (I actually meant for it to come out as in i like women like she likes women) but it was perceived the other way. She said ''i'll move more over this side'' and i go ''why's that you find me ugly'' She paused then said ''No you're more like my brother''.

That was about the time my heart dropped. I've separated myself from her for the past two days and i think she knows somethings up. I don't want to be mean about it but when you have feelings that aren't reciprocated what can you really do??

Anyways to the questions at hand

This girl has never had a boyfriend before, ever!

Could this ''i class you as a brother thing'' be a self defense mechanism to stop from being hurt. Do women use that as a defense mechanism to cover up what they may or may not feel.

Or is it pretty concrete that she doesn't feel the same way and thats all i'll ever be to her??

Cliff Notes

-Boy Likes Girl
-Boy and Girl do everything together
-Boy and Girl Wrestle a lot
-Girl Has shown some jealousy to the thought of boy being with other women
-Joke turns serious and girl says she classes boy as a ''Brother''
-Girl Has never been with anyone before
-boy on here asking women if the ''Bro'' Comment may possibly be a defensive mechanism or if it's concrete she doesn't feel the same way and guy should cut all communication and activites with her if he's only good enough to be a friend.

[surfhb]

When you told her how you felt , what did she say?

[nothingbutabro]

I haven't really told her, when it was said i sort of laughed it off and said jokingly ''oh you've brozoned me'' and she said yeah. It's one of those things where i want to tell her but there's no going back if i do and seeing as we live in the same house there's more at stake.

I've been weird around her and not included her in our usual things, not to be a prick or anything it just hurts to be around her. If she confronts me on it then i'll tell her. I think she may have put two and two together by now though and probably realizes and i dare say her silence is the answer cause she hasn't really tried speaking to me either.

Brings me to another point, how do i avoid these situations. You get told to be friends with a person before dating them sort of thing so you get to know them but when you become friends they don't want to move to that next level?

Must be a physical thing i guess

[searock]

How old are you both?

[smackie9]

You are totally friend zoned dude. The "you are like a brother to me" is the kiss of death.

[smackie9]

I haven't really told her, when it was said i sort of laughed it off and said jokingly ''oh you've brozoned me'' and she said yeah. It's one of those things where i want to tell her but there's no going back if i do and seeing as we live in the same house there's more at stake.

I've been weird around her and not included her in our usual things, not to be a prick or anything it just hurts to be around her. If she confronts me on it then i'll tell her. I think she may have put two and two together by now though and probably realizes and i dare say her silence is the answer cause she hasn't really tried speaking to me either.

Brings me to another point, how do i avoid these situations. You get told to be friends with a person before dating them sort of thing so you get to know them but when you become friends they don't want to move to that next level?

Must be a physical thing i guess

You treat them differently. You don't be too available to them, don't be at their side every moment, and don't focus on them when you are with them. And keep the "getting to know them" very brief like within a few days, ask them out. Dating is actually the time you get to know someone. Tip: it doesn't matter what your approach is, a girl knows within 7 seconds of meeting you that you are BF material to them or not.

Girls are confusing yes because they can be emotionally attached to you with out any sexual attraction...but obviously this can be taken as sexual, because they contantly want to hang out with you.....so nip it fast you have to ask them out on a official date, not this wanna hang out sometime, but an actual "Would you like to have dinner with me sometime" or "I'd like to take you to a movie".

Asking them out quickly eliminates you from getting too attached, and getting your heart broken months later.

To add never ever express your feelings for them if you are not in a relationship with them....you look whimy and weak....it actually over whelms them and makes them run the other way.....best to play it cool....make yourself a little bit of a challenge.

[smackie9]

You get told to be friends with a person before dating them sort of thing so you get to know them but when you become friends they don't want to move to that next level?

Don't do this......

[nothingbutabro]

How old are you both?

25 and 23 respectively, weird i know

[nothingbutabro]

You are totally friend zoned dude. The "you are like a brother to me" is the kiss of death.

I thought as much, is there a way out of the zone or it just is what it is??

I guess you can't be classed as a friend when you no longer want to be friends thats one way out of it, doesn't mean i'll end up with her but it'll put out a message that i'm no one's bitch. Sucks but i guess if you aren't born with the looks you aren't born with the looks

[Mathias]

Sucks but i guess if you aren't born with the looks you aren't born with the looks

This sentence explains exactly why you're unsuccessful, but not in the way you think.

[nothingbutabro]

This sentence explains exactly why you're unsuccessful, but not in the way you think.

Can you elaborate??

I think i know what you're getting at, there is a bit of a self image problem there but i don't consider myself ugly but i am short at 5'6 and a bit overweight at the moment, but losing weight is no silver bullett because when i was thin with a good body i still had this problem with another girl. There's just a habbit of beautiful blondes in my life classifying me as a bro, and unfortunately certain circumstances haven't allowed me to be up front with them from the beggining i.e this one is a friend of my mums who moved in with us so she could go to uni, plus i didn't have the feelings to begin with.

I just feel so stupid that i fell in love with a friend i guess which brings about another question.

Do females do the same thing aswell, that is fall for their friends??

I may be living in false hope but she has never had a boyfriend and never hooked up with anyone before, which leads me to believe she may be a bit shy aswell. Can this i class you as a brother thing be a self defense mechanism seeing as she has never played the game so to speak. I consider it highly unlikely so i'm not getting my hopes up over it.

[searock]

Females do fall for their friends sometimes. I'm in a relationship with my former best friend. She was pretty clear though as to where she stands... she isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you, I'm sorry.

[smackie9]

Yer just pulling at straws here :/ Shy or not, a girl wants you bad enough they will express it....so no don't chalk it up to her lack of experience. Either that or she likes girls.

Tip: what sells is confidence, and coolness. Girls are not so hooked up on the looks like guys are with girls. Also you have to push away your emotions ....trust me they feel you wanting them...some just ignore it until you say something.

[smackie9]

Females do fall for their friends sometimes. stands... .

But it happens way way less........

[searock]

In my personal experience, I fell for two of my friends, and only one male friend of mine fell for me *after* we became close friends. In all other cases, it was clear they were attracted to me from the start.