Peculiar Situation - Misunderstanding (Medium Length)

[minerna]

The Story -

My girlfriend and I fell madly in love with each other a year and a half ago, we are both 20. Chemistry, attraction, and love like I have never experienced before. This was not my first relationship by any means, and I was in a relationship 5 years ago with a girl for almost two years, so this "ain't my first rodeo". I loved everything about her, and still do.

Here's the problem. We go to school together in Chicago. But I am from California and she is from Minnesota. We started dating three months before summer of freshman year. We decided to tough out the summer together while apart and see how things went. The summer wound up bringing us closer together. I would write her love letters every night, and she would do the same. It strengthened our relationship. We then went through all of sophomore year together, still deeply in love, if anything, we fell even more in love.

My girlfriend has a tendency to freak out on her parents whenever she leaves for school. And a tendency to freak out on me whenever she has to go home. So we got into a few misunderstandings right before we were leaving to go home for summer just a couple of weeks ago. We spent about an hour together before she had to depart for home. An hour filled with both of us crying and professing our love for each other. It really brought us even closer together.

I had no phone at the time she left. And she knew this. Yet, after she got home I wouldn't hear from her for 8 - 9 hours at a time. When I asked her about this she would say ".... I'm with my family, I won't be by the computer or my phone 24/7" This is understandable, obviously. But since we had just left each other for 4 months I was hurting and I really wanted to feel connected to her. And I didn't. And it's really not that difficult to take the 30 seconds to send a message saying "hey babe, I'll be busy for the next 9 hours".

The Breakup -

She wrote me a long letter to read on the flight home. It was very very deep. Saying things like "You're the man I've always been looking for" and "I want to grow old with you" and "You are the one" <----- thats a biggie! So i read the letter and sent her one back as soon as i got home. THen I get a message from her saying, "let me know when your available, we need to talk". My heart sank. My mind started racing, I knew what this phrase lead to. She then says, on Skype- "we are going to fight all summer, and I won't do it. So I'm sorry i have to say this, but it's over." I was shocked. My flight had not even landed an hour ago. I didn't even bring my suitcases in yet. And this girl who had literally said in a letter i read an hour ago, so many beautiful things, had just broken up with me. I sat there with a blank stare. She said "Don't you want to say anything" I didn't respond yet. She then says "I will always love you Nick, always. You mean the world to me. But I can't fight all summer."

Here's my predicament. As soon as I read that letter on the plane I decided. "ok buddy, you are going to make this summer special for her, no fights, no drama, no ****". I felt bad for calling her out for ignoring me ( i did that before I read the letter). She took my calling out as " we're going to fight all summer". The **** part is that i don't need any No Contact or soul-searching to realize what I did wrong. I know what my faults were and after reading that letter, something clicked in my brain and I determined I was going to get rid of them. I was going to show her the best summer of her life. I had already been on campus without her for a week before I left for home and I used that time to do some soul-searching and self-analyzation.

Adding to the situation was the fact that her birthday was on the 17th of may. She broke up with me on the 13th. I asked my parents and closest friends how to handle the birthday. They said "She won't forgive you if you ignore her birthday, just don't send anything sappy." So i sent her a pretty plain card and wrote "Hope you have a good one. - Nick". I had not contacted her since the 13th (day of breakup). Then on the 18th I get a message from her that reads "Thank you for the birthday card! It was so beautiful!!". I waited a day then responded "Glad you liked it. Good to know it got there on time." And that's all.

The Plan -

Since the moment I first kissed this girl I knew I might never find a connection so powerful or so deep. If this was 1925 I would have already asked her to marry me. My family loves her, her family loves me. All of our friends are mutual. Mine love her. Hers love me. We really have something special. I don't need her, and i can live my life without her. But in all honesty, that doesn't appeal to me. I want such an amazing person in my life. My plan is to leave her alone until sometime in June (3-4 week range) then politely ask her if she's free to talk. If she says yes I will then ask her "may i be honest with you" I will tell her how I really feel. Tell her that I have been thinking a lot and been doing a lot of soul-searching and that I see where I went wrong. I will then ask her if she is open to the idea of starting over with a clean-slate. If she says yes I will take things slow and win her over the same way I did a year and a half ago. If she says no I will move on with my life and never contact her again.

I want to know if this sounds like a good way to go. Everyday that goes by I miss her and love her more. And I have realized the error of my ways, where I went wrong, and how I have changed. I have already begun to shift back to the man she fell in love with, but I have no way of showing her this unless she lets me.

Thoughts? Comments? Advice?

[ftballgirl08]

its 2012 why dont you have a phone first of all? second of all we want to know that you support us and dont doubt us! when you show doubt we push away!

[cast no shadow]

I don't think neither of you did something too upsetting..
She can be out of contact for 9 hours, and you can ask why.
If this is the problem than I think it's quite weird..

Call her and ask to talk, if you both are so passionate about each other you can make it work.

[iamaninnocentma]

its all a little bit dawsons creek for my liking. she sounds a little bit over dramatic, maybe she had her womans problems that week. anyway, a man your age should have a playstation and at least 5 top games. if you had this , you wouldnt cry like a girl scout because your woman didnt contact you for 9 hours. when you are married you will kill for 9 hours of freeddom. in summarry, stop being a big fanny and start breaking some course records on tiger woods 2009.

[Jason521]

Thanks for your post.