What's the best thing to do??

[Evolution3000]

I met her 6 months ago and thought I'd met he most amazing little lady in the world who treated me well with compassion and love and after 3 months the "I love you's" had already begun and that this woman was the one for me.

After receiving terrible news about my mother and having to go back to my home country and spend a month with her while trying to fight cancer, I thought I was leaving this woman for a short interlude and could carry on our loving relationship when I returned.*

I received loving messages in the first week and everything seemed fine. Obviously this was a tricky and emotional time for me and I needed some outside support from my girlfriend (maybe this was the start of the finish). Well things quickly went downhill and her sudden standoffishness became quite obvious. She didn't bother returning my calls and not replying to messages. You can imagine the emotional distress this caused me on top of having to see my mother in pain and almost giving *up the fight against this terrible disease.

Well I returned back to London thinking we would work things out and there must have been an obvious misunderstanding that needed to be worked through. Well after a few rude brush-offs and then finally sitting down face to face she went ahead and told me there are too many variables and she doesn't think things are gona work ( she is doing her Phd, which may also be a big factor in this but I felt It was being used more as an excuse).

She ended it officially over the phone and it's been nothing but heartache for me since then.

I feel that maybe instead of expecting her to be there to support me I should have got back to work and soldiered on and not been such an emotional cat and that would have worked to keep the relationship going.

I bumped into her in the street a while back and she could not even look me in the eye and just kept trying to talk and look at my friend who i was there with.
I have never felt such pain and rejection in such a difficult time in my life and am looking for advice on how to deal with this form an outside perspective.*

I feel that if it was the other way round and I had to take are of her we would still be together and everything would be fine (man takes care of women, standard way of the world) but just because it was me who needed a some care things fell apart.

Any advice will be much appreciated.

[haxan]

Hey, things got tough and she bailed. I'd rather find out now, instead of being married with 2 kids and a mortgage and some trying times hit. Sorry to hear about your mother, and hope she's doing well. Move on, there's better women out there, believe me.

[Evolution3000]

Thanks dude, yeah it's been a few weeks now and just trying to grasp the whole "things are gona get tough and we are gona have to work through them after the initial exciting stage" speech she gave me when we started dating. Incredible how we can be decived by some of the people we meet along this life. Actions and words hey...

[smackie9]

Her feeling may have been legit at the time, but it's possible when she had time to think it over, some how felt the feelings were rushed and it might have made her realize that it was infatuation and not love she was feeling after all. Hey it happens. Better to find out now rather than when the "honeymoon stage" ends a year later leaving you feeling even worse.

[Evolution3000]

That's true, she was engaged 3 years prior to us meeting & obviously she will be skeptical of getting involved seriously after being dumped by her fiancé. Just tough knowing that I could have given her the love she needs but she couldn't stand by me after hitting a tough patch and I don't have the energy to stand-by her now. All I can do is walk away and wish her all the best. She lost a good man (without blowing my own horn ) I just wish she realised it. There are many fish in the sea though.... I guess

[cheekxs]

Dude woman are the ones that care more of the time of men.

Sometimes they also to busy with men and kids that they forget about their selfs.

I think yu may have been to naive to think someone you know that short will move the world for you.

You where to desperate for things to work out to fast.
People start doing certain things while the trust and friendship i build.

Maybe she was not into you. or she felt like your sittuation was becoming to much for her to handle or that you where asking
to much of her in that short time.
Or she just wasnt into all those things that where going on with you.

That she did not look at you maybe she is ashamed.
Or she is a bitch.

BUt you have a whole life before you. You have so many great girls around the world.
So witch one do you want?
It may be painful, but you will get over it. and move on.

And dont aspect that much of such a short friendships.

[cheekxs]

all the best to your mom

[Evolution3000]

Thanks Cheekxs, yeah she even got my mother pair of earrings for me to take to her. So her good intentions were there but when the crunch time came and she saw how serious things were she probably just couldn't handle it. Which is fair enough after such a short time & I must have been naive to think she would stand by me when we had only been going out seriously for a few months.
No point sitting around in misery and wishing for what could have been. Anyway, I miss her so damn much and wish we could sort things out. Only thing I can do is get back ontop of things and see how I feel about he then, when I can see things mor objectively and not from such an emotional point of view.

[smackie9]

Hey you never know, after some time passes, she might contact you again.......maybe she knew she wasn't ready for this yet. All the best to you and your mom.....there must be a silver lining somewhere in all of this.....keep positive

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry about your mum. As for your exGF, I'm trying to see it from her side. Its possible she was wanting to breakup already. Really, you were only seeing each other 1/2 a year, not like you were married. Not sure what others see her level of commitment should have been to you. I agree tho, the timing of things was awful, and yes, she sounds terribly busy. Doing a PhD isn't a cakewalk.

Best wishes to you and your family in this difficult time.

[Ange Barnes]

I feel for you... but she sadly doesn't, or she doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with 'things' as she should have. Take the focus of her for your happiness and concentrate on the importance of you and your family at this time. You don't want to regret giving her the energy your mum needs.

[Evolution3000]

Yes, you are right thanks. I did email her the other day and said I'm sorry for putting pressure / rushing her in to a situation that doesnt really involve her. She replyed and said that I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and that sort thing which obviously I find a bit hard to believe seeing she chose to turn her back on me in a time where obviously I would be a bit needy and insecure. She did say the timing was just wrong. But that's it, I guess you live & learn. Luckily she wasn't my wife!! Really difficult still as I have such good memories & loving moments of our time together. Everyone is here for such different reasons & I guess once you have been hurt a few times you probably more inclined to put other things before your love life (sorry for those people hey) and as you said, if they don't have the emotional maturity to deal with circumstances it's best they move on with there skin deep view point on things.

I am giving all the time I can to my ma & just now I met a gorgeous woman who I had great chat with (probably wont see her again) but so lovely to meet someone that takes my mind off the ex and see that there are other LOVELY women out there who are probably more able emotionally. You have to be In the game though to see the weaker ones fall apart during the difficult times though relationships hey, gotta love em to hate em