Too Selfish to Confess?

[lostintime]

I dated a man for 7 years, through high school and after. There were some breaks in there, as well as a complete loss of self-respect on my part. I drank a lot, did my fair share of drugs, and totally took his love for me for granted. About 6 years ago, he couldn’t take it any more and ended things. I promptly went to rehab to deal with my demons and self-loathing, and was directed by my sponsor at the time to not contact him anymore as I had hurt him very much. It’s six years later, I have a two-year-old daughter and to this day cannot get over him. I have tried to forget him but have had no success. I knew he had been dating someone(first time since me) the past year or so, but the pictures of them had recently been removed from his social media page so I convinced myself that they had broken up. Here came the fantasies of our reunion… he would see how much I’ve changed, that I am finally back to the person he fell in love with. I emailed to see how he was doing but didn’t hear back for a few weeks. Then I ran into his aunt, who informed me that he had just gotten engaged to the girl I thought was old news. I called him, because I felt like a huge jerk for bothering him. We talked for a little while, he told me about the girl, I apologized for taking him for granted and told him I was happy for him and I tried to leave it at that. But I can’t seem to. My heart aches for him. I want to tell him
that if there is any doubt that this girl is who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, that I would love to spend the rest of my life making my mistakes up to him. They are getting married next July, so I feel like this is my last possible window of opportunity. I don’t mind humiliating myself by being shot down by him, but I worry that I am being completely selfish in wanting to tell him that I still love him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Wakeup]

If you were to be SO effing selfish as to impose your dysfunctional need to manipulate by getting yourself insinuated in this man's life when he has clearly moved on, then I will personally come to where you are and kick your ass. Just kidding (kinda).

Get the professional help you need so that you can learn to finalize things with people with whom you have been mentally codepenent and overly attached to. It's been six years, lostintime. You need to do the mental exercises it takes to get someone from your past tucked away and thought of fondly but with romantic indifference.

You may have quit drinking (congratulations to you on your recovering) but you still have all the issues that a drinker has. Don't be a dry drunk... continue with your AA meetings and seriously consider personal councelling so that you don't waste another minute trying to interlope yourself into this man's life. Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie. It will help you to distance yourself if you're learning about you and trying to be the best you that you can be without the help of someone from your active days of alcoholism.

Put a stop to your romanticizing what you two had together into something 'wonderful' that you sabotaged when all it was, was dysfunction and codependency. He's moved on from his past ~ get the help you need so that you can do the same.

You DON'T still love him.. you just haven't done the job very well of coming to terms with the reality of it all. Leave him and his fiance alone.

Too selfish to confess? Nope, rather way too selfish!. Put it to bed.

I have a two-year-old daughter and to this day cannot get over him.

Where is your daughter's father?