I miss him, but should I give him space?

[raevenbee]

I don't really know how I should begin this. I feel like this could easily become a novel-length entry simply because all of this love stuff is completely new to me. I'm serious. I'm 22 years old, and I've pretty much guarded my heart all my life until now. That's right, I've never been in a relationship. And I've only had my first kiss less than a week ago. >___>

I mean, recently I've had my share of a few dates, but this is the very first time I feel as if I haven't settled for less. This guy basically checks everything off of my personal list of what I wanted in a guy.

So our story is pretty special, to me at least. After feeling a bit adventurous, I joined both okcupid and Plenty of Fish, two popular online dating sites. After a few months of semi-actively involving myself with the sites (okcupid more than POF), I had a few discouraging experiences that had me ignoring the site to the point where I wanted to delete both accounts. The messages I would receive weren't worth my time and some were just plain creepy.

Long story short (hopefully), my unannounced bf messaged me on both sites in hopes of getting my attention. I later found out that he'd only joined okcupid so he could write me a message. He had even set his user account to invisible so no one would try to talk to him (xDDD). This gentlemen came out of nowhere and into my life in a heartbeat after that.

I really wish I had a better explanation for how fast we both decided we loved each other (after 1 week of page-long messages online and phone conversations and another week of seeing each other), but all I can say to justify it is that we both don't fool around with that 3 letter word. I realllly wish I had something more to say to that, but you just have to trust me (I feel crazy enough for claiming this as my story lol).

But anyway, this guy is incredibly smart, affirming, and funny. By affirming, I mean that he points out small things I may have said to him, and he acknowledges it in a very positive way. Heavy on compliments and flirtatious charm here and there. I used to be showered with it when I got text messages from him. At first, I just didn't know how to take all the attention; I wasn't used to it.

And so now--the reason why I'm in need of advice--this last week, I don't get the same kind of text messages I used to get from him. When I see him, I don't notice anything different about him then, but through the phone, he answers me with straight-to-the-point replies that almost makes me feel like I'm forcing conversation out of him. Only a few weeks ago, it would have been him with the text messages in numbers I almost couldn't keep up with, so it's frustrating.

He could just be busy. We're both college students with exams coming up soon. I don't know. . .

I miss the conversations we used to have on the phone. Now he doesn't even initiate a phone call. Should I tell him I miss him for those reasons? Do you think I should just chill the heck out and sit down somewhere? I can take the hint lol.

I'd really appreciate your input, you guys! Having a guy in my life now has really put me on a rollercoaster. =___=

-Raeven

[bebaba]

Jesus woman. Have you ever heard of the phrase 'honeymoon period'?

Just chill out or become the neurotic woman who drives men away.

It happens in all relationships - my OH used to text me and tell me things like that all the time. It's called lust.

When it turns into love, these gushing messages and phone calls become less frequent, because we'd get sick and tired of someone who did that kind of sh!t all the time.

Go spend some time with your mates and stop obsessing.

[Phil Davies]

Ah cmon go easy on her, its happened to all of us ... the problem is, this usually happens the first time in 7th grade. Not at 22 years old. I'm gonna give you some harsh truths here, sweetheart ... this may be a lost cause. I heard someone reference "The relationship ladder" where "friend zone" is the apocalyptic abyss, but I challenge that. threes another rung even lower called the stalker zone. Thats when one person becomes disinterested and unengaged and the other person ramps up efforts to get their attention. Desperation is the ultimate turnoff. And his indifference makes you want the idea of him even more, its a viscous cycle.

You need to cut all communication and get out of stalker zone immediately. Be completely indifferent, if he texts you, give it a full day then reply with a one word answer, I don't care what he says. Act disinterested.

I'll be honest though, you may have done too much damage. You need to prepare yourself that its probably over. If thats the case, learn from this. Get a bit calloused for the next round. You have some catching up to do in the heartbreak department, you're so inexperienced for your age you're probably gonna **** up a bit more.

[raevenbee]

Jesus woman. Have you ever heard of the phrase 'honeymoon period'?

Just chill out or become the neurotic woman who drives men away.

It happens in all relationships - my OH used to text me and tell me things like that all the time. It's called lust.

When it turns into love, these gushing messages and phone calls become less frequent, because we'd get sick and tired of someone who did that kind of sh!t all the time.

Go spend some time with your mates and stop obsessing.

Thanks!! Sometimes I need someone to be straightforward and quick with me.
And yes, I've heard of the honeymoon stage. I know what infatuation is. I just haven't experienced the honeymoon stage, obviously. I think it's much harder to experience it than to just hear about it, with your feelings all wrapped up in that person and whatnot.

But I got the hint. I'll chill out. I just needed someone else to tell me it. lol I appreciate your advice.

[raevenbee]

Ah cmon go easy on her, its happened to all of us ... the problem is, this usually happens the first time in 7th grade. Not at 22 years old. I'm gonna give you some harsh truths here, sweetheart ... this may be a lost cause. I heard someone reference "The relationship ladder" where "friend zone" is the apocalyptic abyss, but I challenge that. threes another rung even lower called the stalker zone. Thats when one person becomes disinterested and unengaged and the other person ramps up efforts to get their attention. Desperation is the ultimate turnoff. And his indifference makes you want the idea of him even more, its a viscous cycle.

You need to cut all communication and get out of stalker zone immediately. Be completely indifferent, if he texts you, give it a full day then reply with a one word answer, I don't care what he says. Act disinterested.

I'll be honest though, you may have done too much damage. You need to prepare yourself that its probably over. If thats the case, learn from this. Get a bit calloused for the next round. You have some catching up to do in the heartbreak department, you're so inexperienced for your age you're probably gonna **** up a bit more.

Thank you for this. I totally understand the psychology in all this mess.

And I would've really considered this if it was only me in the "stalker zone", but it wasn't like I'd been smothering him with texts. If we're gonna say I made some acts of desperation, then it was definitely him who did it first. In the beginning, I sat back while he started conversations through text; maybe I was even a little spoiled with them. I'd go through my day without replying right away. I used to get random texts from him throughout the day without any of my initiative. We had an even balance of conversation. I never felt that I was crowding his space (I often looked out for that) That was why I was wondering about his behavior all of a sudden.

I mean, I may be a stranger to dating and being in a relationship, but I don't have an inability to read people. I realize the chase is gone, so maybe he feels he doesn't have to try so hard anymore. I just thought a few experienced voices had some other input I hadn't really thought about already.

[Phil Davies]

Well, you have the right attitude. Surprising you're so aware considering your first kiss was at 22 years old. I deflowered a 19 year old once which was insane to me to think there were still 19 year old virgins and I got her by authoring an "its so special to me" speech that must of come off like Skinimax softcore B movie acting. Then she stalked me out for a few weeks, even keyed my car.

You're handling this quite well for being so inexperienced. Maybe theres hope.