Need advice for a confusing situation?

[imadesklamp]

So we've been dating for 13 months and before we were even dating, Adam (my ex) was obsessed with me for a year and a half. I finally gave him a chance and everything was great for a very long time. He broke up with my in September because he thought I wasn't happy hardly ever seeing him and blahblah. We got back together a week later, needless to say. Everything was going really well up until a week ago.

I was constantly pushing the future on him because I was so worried about it because I didn't want to lose him, but I now realize that's what pushed him away. He tried to tell me that he doesn't want to talk about the future and he just wants to live with me in the present and take things as they come, but I didn't listen to him. He broke up with me on Friday telling me he just doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now and that he has a lot of growing up to do and he needs to figure out the next stage in his life. He told me he will get back to me when he's ready to date again, but he's not sure if he will want to be with me again or not and he's not sure when he will get back to me. He told me that if I find someone before he answers me, then I should go with them instead of him and he told me he wouldn't even think about dating someone else for a long time because he doesn't want to hurt me and it's not what he wants. And he also told me he has no faith this will get better, even though he told me on Tuesday that we both love each other enough to make everything right and that he won't give up on us. I realized the whole pushing the future on him was my fault entirely, and that's practically what ruined our relationship and I feel like shit for it. I realized that us constantly worrying about the future made us both unhappy, and that's not how a relationship is supposed to be.

I texted him a few hours ago and sent him like a ten page long text telling him all of this and telling him that I'm sorry for everything I've done and this was all my fault and I just want to hold him and tell him things will be alright because I don't want to live like this anymore, but I told him not to reply because I know he needs time to think and some space. He always told me he's in love with me and that I'm the only girl for him, but I don't know. I hope he turns around.

Do you all think he will turn around?

[Chronicle113]

That is quite a dilemma. At this point, he doesn't really know what he wants to do. He's afraid of failure and is constantly pessimistic about things. What he doesn't realize is what you do in the present take shape of the future. So basically, you and him is living in the future. There may be at times while you and him is constantly apart, he still have thoughts of you. He may not show it, but its true. Forgetting and breaking ties with others is not something that is easily done. The love and the foundation is placed within both of you. I am confident that he will turn around.

[imadesklamp]

He's afraid of failure and is constantly pessimistic about things. What he doesn't realize is what you do in the present take shape of the future. \

Yes, he is very pessimistic about everything, but he claims he is just being "realistic". There is a fine line between pessimism and realism, and he was just being pessimistic about it.

And yes, I know he will always think about me. After all, he chased after me for a year and a half before we even started dating, which makes me kind of confident that he can't just leave me. But thank you. I really hope he does turn around. I love him a lot.

[lylufy]

Although You're not wrong when you worry about future, but if you put the pressure on your BF shoulder is stress for him.
Despite his responsibility caring you(when you're married), he certainly has a lot growing up and figure out his dream and make it come true.
Therefore, he must invest much in gaining purposes (career, education, family...), even though he try best, he can't sure about good future of him.
Because of his worried like that, otherwise, he can not ensure your future !
Gradually less and share the pressure to him !
I think he love you much !

[imadesklamp]

Yes, I understand that I pressured him way too much about the future and it really stressed him out and it took a toll on him. I apologized to him today, but he didn't respond. I think right now he just needs some thinking time and some time alone, which is what I need too. I know he loves me and I have a feeling he will come back, but I'm not too sure.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like it's over, but there's a chance he'll come back in a few months or so. You sound crazy, so it's doubtful, but certainly not out of the question. Stop contacting him if you want any chance.

[imadesklamp]

Lol I'm certainly not crazy, just confused and I know this can work out. I am no longer contacting him as I have done all I can do. All I can do is wait it out and see if he will come back, which is questionable. But thank you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

10 page text??

Crazy.

[imadesklamp]

Okay, I was exaggerating.

[fecalfeliac]

I'm in the same situation. That is a lot of pressure, I feel it myself. It bothers me that 'I' don't know for sure.what.could happen with us, if I were more certain I'm sure I'd put more pressure on him. Just because you want to know. I can respect your delima, you're right though best thing you can do is wait. In the meantime, keep doing what you do to stay busy and preoccupied. If he comes back maybe in the beginning you can set some goals and talk about it before it comes up later. That way you're not back where you started. I wish I'd done that

[Maple1714]

I think if someone "isn't sure" and "doesn't know what they want"... The actually do know what they want and it isn't a relationship with whomever they are feeding this crap to. Ok, in your situation it might not be complete crap but is it good enough for you? Is his behavior ok with you? Do you want to potentially be with someone who gets confused like this and ditches you? He said it was ok if you met someone before he got back to you? It's time to move on, regardless if he comes back or whatever. You will always have an unhealthy attachment to him if you do get back together....one day...when he is ready. Ya snooze ya loose.

[imadesklamp]

I also ended up calling him yesterday but he didn't answer because he was sleeping, so I left a voicemail. I told him that I was sorry for everything and I know everything can work out and I know he wants it to work out. I told him that I love him and I miss him, and he needs to keep in mind that I'm the only girl for him, since he has always said that. He responded in a text a few hours later telling me he doesn't know how to respond to me and he's taking this alone time seriously, meaning that he doesn't want to stress about this stuff. I told him I don't expect an answer now, but at some point since he did promise me. I said we need to talk about everything at some point since I realized it was my fault. He told me "We will see if and when the time comes", which kind of crushed me. I know he isn't ready to talk yet, but I kind of didn't expect such a harsh of a response..

Part of me is telling me that he will come back because he loves me and I just don't think he can be with anyone else, but part of me is telling me he won't come back because he wouldn't be doing all of this if he loved me. I understand he is confused, but this whole not giving me straight answers and refusing to talk to me is really taking a toll on me. In this situation, how long do you think is too long before I should definitely move on and give up on this? If he doesn't respond in a month, I am planning on texting him telling him that I miss him and that I'm still here. If he doesn't respond to that, I think I will just give up on the situation.

[imadesklamp]

@ fecalfeliac
I apologize for your situation.. But did you end up leaving because your partner put too much pressure on you as well? And did you end up going back?

[imadesklamp]

@Maple1714
I completely agree with you on all of this. I do not think the way he is acting is acceptable and I hate that he is being like this. I know what he is feeding me isn't complete crap at all, I just assume he isn't ready for this relationship, just like he said. After all, I am his very first serious relationship. His other relationships didn't even last two months and here we were together for thirteen. He told me that if I met someone to go with them before he got back to me because he has no self confidence in himself. He thinks he is a completely inadequate boyfriend and he is a piece of crap, basically. He knows I deserve better, and I think that is one of the main reasons why he isn't with me right now. Or I could be wrong. But I understand that.

[imadesklamp]

Why do you say that?