Rejected but more contact then usual...whyyyyy?

[martinmusic]

Hi everyone,

Newbie here so I'll try and keep the story short..

Basically I've known the girl for two years now but we were always just casual acquaintances, saying hi when walking to class and whatnot, since she had a bf. However, she recently broke up with her bf and we got much closer. Eventually, I started to fall for her so I eventually decided to let her know how I felt. Basically, the result was that I got "friend zoned."

Fast forward a day or two and I've been receiving fb messages and text messages from her, randomly(not asking questions or anything, just saying random stuff about her day). I think its also important to note that I used to start most conversations.

Obviously I'm pretty crushed and its been hard to try and get over her. But its been even harder for me since she's been trying to communicate with me.

I'd really appreciate it if you all could shed some light on this. I think she just trying to be nice? I'm not sure but I'm pretty confused and really value her friendship so I'm not sure how to proceed from here.

Thanks!

[Love'sReject]

I personally think it's her emotional vulnerability showing: I am hypothesizing that she's contacting you, a guy she knows for certain is attracted to her, to initiate seemingly innocuous and friendly chat just to boost her ego, especially after a hard breakup.

[martinmusic]

Thanks for the response, thats exactly what I was thinking...how should i deal with this though? Even if this didn't work out, I think we still consider ourselves very good friends, seems kind of selfish for her to do this.

[RipVanWinkleX]

She already told you that she was not interested. She might be going though a major rebound. It might not be fair, but guys also do it. Just be her friend for now. But, since you do want to be with her at least tell her that you are interested, to remind her, but won't date since she may be going though a rebound. If much later she feels better after the breakup, like completely, then ask if she is interested.

What ever you do, don't take advantage over her because of her vulnerable stat. She will realize it later.


EDIT: You know what? I thought this was on Ask Males not Ask Females lol.

[Love'sReject]

You could always refuse to be the shoulder she cries on; women tend to select men they know like them to use them as therapists with absolutely no mutual feelings of friendship except seeing you as a utility. Some women, in other words, just use guys as emotional sponges which is even worse than Friend Zone'd: it's more like being the supporting gay friend.

[martinmusic]

Yea I've been trying to keep it as platonic as possible, in fact, i have pretty much stopped initiating conversations. I think winter break/holidays will be a good time for time off.

[Maple1714]

Don't talk to her anymore or even respond. Real friendship is selfless...so even if she really down need a friend right now, she needs to go find someone else...like a girlfriend. She is using you.

[martinmusic]

Hmm while I get the same thoughts that maybe she's just using me, I don't think she's really "down" right now and I think for the most part has gotten over her ex. It's not always one side where I have to play therapist, she has shown an interest in what I'm doing as well. However, winter holiday will help as that will decrease communication opportunities( going out of the country for vacation) and I can hopefully move on.

[searock]

What her motives are is irrelevant. You need to tell her that you don't want her to contact you anymore and that you cannot be "friends", because you have feelings for her and she doesn't, so you'd just keep getting hurt. Then, cut contact (i.e. do not initiate contact and do not reply if she contacts you).