Am I making the right decision?

[kaward72]

I have been dating this guy for almost 4 months. We got really serious really quickly and have talked about marriage and having kids more then once. We are planning on renting an apartment together by at least July. But he has a child with an ex. I am 17 and he will be 25 pretty soon. His daughter will be 4 months at the end of the month. I love her even though I haven't even met her yet. I am an extremely maternal person and have been parenting my parents all through my life. But due to the stress of having to deal with his ex who doesn't want him in the kids life because she just doesn't want to have to deal with him. The ex told him that their daughter will be raised by the ex's step mom and would be like a sister. He will be a good father and he refuses to not be in his daughters life. He has been yelling at me and being short tempered. He constantly accuses me of cheating and ignoring him and doing everything wrong. I need to know if someone has gone through the same thing and if eventually they de-stress and stop being on edge and constantly fighting with you. I love him and will stay with him through anything because there has been countless examples of how we are perfect for each other. I didn't believe in fate or destiny or even a greater being until I met him. The most recent example is today there was suppose to be a terrible blizzard from 3pm Friday until Sunday night. I told him that we can't see each other until the snow stopped and it stopped within the hour. There has been too many eerie examples for it to just be coincidence. But he is using me as a punching bag and I am too passive to say anything, he apologizes but then does the same thing again the next day. Should I wait it out in hopes that it will get better? Should I move in with a man who holds my heart and grip gets stronger everyday or will it just end in heartbreak?

[RipVanWinkleX]

Slow down... Like now! Do NOT talk about marriage and kids when you only met 4 mouths ago. Going to fast will only hurt you, no need to rush in to things.

I am 26, recently separated with the ex, have a 3 year old son, forced to move back to family due to stress, and still in love with my ex even though she is about to move to SD to be with her new BF with our son. So I kinda know what he is going though.

First off, he is 8 years older. But if you care for him that much then continue. Just slow down, you rush in to this you are going to have a bad time. You are at the honeymoon stage at the moment. That WILL change. You may still love him, but not like you did before. That's why it's better to slow down.

Don't move in, but still be with him. You want to make sure you think it though and 4 mouths is certainly not enough time.

I am stressed because I am away from my son, I have my major ups and downs (The people on the forum knows ) and it sounds he is like it as well. He needs to control his temper. Help him go to a doctor and give him support. You can't just "wait" it out and hope he gets better; he will think that it's ok to snap.


Can't say I am not jealous he found someone that young, still creepy to me though.

[basilandthyme]

I won't even say "slow down". I'm saying RUN FOR THE HILLS! There are red flags all over the place here.

*the behaviour he is exhibiting now is WHY the ex won't deal with him. This will be you in her shoes in a few years time.
*This man is verbally abusing you and it should be completely unacceptable to you. And the fact that you tolerate it shows that your self esteem is far too low. Do not make excuses for him. A good man will always treat you well even when the chips are down.
*you cannot love a child who you haven't met and spent time with. Instead, this is about loving the idea of parenting her.
*you may be maternal, but you'd be crazy to willingly take on parenting at the age of 17. Hon, if you are wise you'll spend another 10 years out there working, living, travelling and being treated WELL by men before setting down to parenthood.
*yes, I'm sure there are good parts of the relationship too - even the worst relationships aren't 100% bad. But there is too much bad in this.

I realise that your parents are dysfunctional and not good for advising you. So, try being your own parent. Read this post as if it was your own daughter writing it - what would you advise her? Would you be happy seeing your own daughter moving in with a verbal abuser and wanting to be a mother at 17?

Learn to love yourself more. Don't settle for cr@p like this.

[michelle23]

I agree that you should leave now. You are too young to be dealing with all this crap. If his ex wants him to have nothing to do with the child, she probably has her reasons for that. Most women want the child's father in their life unless they think hes bad for the kid. I know there are exceptions but 9times out of 10-the mother knows what is best for her baby..

if they only split up recently-you are probably a rebound and he will tire of you sooner or later. be very careful not to end up pregnant. Stop talking about marriage or kids-you are way too young for that. Im 23 and Im way to young for that!

You've only been together 4 months and he is already being nasty to you. This is a major red flag. How he treats you in the first 6months is a clear indication of how he will treat you later on and it can only get worse..

He will rip your heart out if you stay. He has too much going on in his life right now and should not be with anyone. If he really wanted to see his child, he would not be chasing you.

It also sounds like he is looking for a girl who is young, naive, vulnerable, insecure. This is a warning sign. It means he plans to treat you badly. Sorry to be blunt here but you need to get away from him now. Hes already abusive to you. You should be perfectly happy and in love with no worries or stress. When it is this complicated in the beginning-you need to get rid..