Do you think I'm naive?

[edpjrr]

I'm sorry that this is going to be quite lengthy,but I really want you to answer the following questions cos I'm quite hopeless when it comes to guys....Thank you!


1. Do you agree with this statement?

"Men do not want female friends. They have their friends, and aren't on the lookout for new females to add to their circle, unless, of course, they believe they stand a chance with her. In that case, a man will hang out with a female under the premise of trying to befriend her, while actually trying to get her to fall for him.If you want to know whether a man is attracted to a female,you should check who initiates the friendship first and how they become friends"

2. A lot of people on the internet say a girl who has a lot of male friends is a whore/slut.I strongly disagree with this and I think it's very disrespectful to say this!

Personally,I have a lot of male friends and I'm not attracted to most of them.I've never slept with any of them.I'm still a virgin!Two of them used to hit on me but I turned them down cos I only saw them as my good friends/brothers.Does this mean I'm also a whore or an attention seeker?!

I just get along well with many people,especially guys(I have a lot of female friends as well).

3.I have a lot of male friends and I'm close to most of them,e.g. good friends/close friends.They think I'm an interesting and lovely person.They enjoy talking to me and spending time with me.They value our friendship.

I honestly believe guys and girls can be "just friends" or platonic friends without wanting more (sexually or romantically) and I said this to a good male friend of mine..but he didn't agree with me..he told me I'm so naive that I think in this way.

He even said,"I'm sure your other male friends don't think in the same way.You're just too naive".He always called me naive...but why was I called being naive??

4.Some people say,"Any guy who is friends with a girl secretly thinks about sleeping with them. It's human nature"---Is this true?Does this mean all/most of my male friends want to sleep with me?How about if a girl is physically unattractive or even ugly? I was told I'm not ugly at all though I'm not gorgeous.

5. A close male friend of mine used to be very caring,supportive and generous to me.He even gave me a bracelet and a massive birthday cake on my birthday.I thought he did this just because he saw me as his close friend and I didn't think much about it until one day he told me he wanted to be my "friend with benefits".Then I just ended the friendship.Is this just an exceptional case? Can a guy be a close friend with a girl without secretly wanting more from her?

Can a guy be always very caring,supportive,patient and a good listener without secretly hoping to sleep with his close female friend?

I'm sorry for asking so many questions but I really want to know the answers...

Thank you!

[FlaCooln]

Depends on how hot she is. j/k.

Honestly, we males (most of us) are sexual creatures. I myself have had a few hot female friends over the years. I would say I was attracted to them, but if its a good friendship I would not jepardize it. Did I meet them with the intention of sleeping with them? Bet your ass I did (assumming I was single at the time), they were hot. But, once I/we enter the friendzone thats it and the sister dynamic takes over.

[michelle23]

its more normal for men to have close male friends and women to have close female friends. If a man is that supportive and wants to be your best friend-he secretly has a crush on you and wants more.

A relationship is a man and a woman who are best friends, lovers and who share a deep emotional bond.

So if you are best friends with a man and you share a deep emotional bond and one or both of you are attractive-it will lead to one of you wanting sex or a relationship.

[michelle23]

I have two male friends who I got on really well with in school. We used to hang out in a group-about four girls and three lads. If I meet them on a night out-Id have a great chat with them now and a laugh but I never text/ring them or anything and I've never been alone with either of them.

I dont think men and women can be best friends without one of you eventually wanting more and if one of you are in a relationship-it gets complicated and messy

[VincenzoG91]

Guys don't normally give their close male friends big birthday cakes and presents. If a guy does that for a female friend, then he isn't thinking of her as just a friend.

Another thing about guy friendships: it's all about shared activities. Go see a movie together. Play or watch sports together. One guy works on his car while the friend hangs out and hands him tools from time to time. Maybe play a game together, either on a console or maybe with a deck of cards. If a guy is supposedly friends with a woman but their activities look more like a date than hanging out, then his motives look questionable.

[edpjrr]

I have two male friends who I got on really well with in school. We used to hang out in a group-about four girls and three lads. If I meet them on a night out-Id have a great chat with them now and a laugh but I never text/ring them or anything and I've never been alone with either of them.

I dont think men and women can be best friends without one of you eventually wanting more and if one of you are in a relationship-it gets complicated and messy

"I dont think men and women can be best friends without one of you eventually wanting more"<---how about if you both don't find each other attractive?

[michelle23]

"I dont think men and women can be best friends without one of you eventually wanting more"<---how about if you both don't find each other attractive?

But the emotional connection can sometimes be enough even without the attraction. You could have a big fight with your bf, run to your best friend, get drunk, cry on their shoulder and then they kiss you (youve cheated)

[edpjrr]

But the emotional connection can sometimes be enough even without the attraction. You could have a big fight with your bf, run to your best friend, get drunk, cry on their shoulder and then they kiss you (youve cheated)

i'm sure not all of my male best friends/close friends would KISS me if I have any relationship issues and then I run to them.Once I cried on my close friend (we call each other brother/sister)'s shoulder cos I was turned down by my crush.My close friend hugged me and patted my head and told me,"Don't worry.You'll be fine...." He didn't do anything beyond boundaries.It was purely platonic.We always tell each other our own relationship problems.And we've already made it clear that we don't find each other attractive.

[michelle23]

i'm sure not all of my male best friends/close friends would KISS me if I have any relationship issues and then I run to them.Once I cried on my close friend (we call each other brother/sister)'s shoulder cos I was turned down by my crush.My close friend hugged me and patted my head and told me,"Don't worry.You'll be fine...." He didn't do anything beyond boundaries.It was purely platonic.We always tell each other our own relationship problems.And we've already made it clear that we don't find each other attractive.

That was just an example-that is how easy it is. He could have a secret crush on you and read the signals wrong or he could have a hidden agenda.

[FlaCooln]

I guess to shed some light on this I will tell you about a friend of mine. We met through mutual friend in college. We were always very good friends, partied, and hung out a few times a week. I always thought she was attractive, but never really considered her as anything more than a friend. Well, fast forward a few years and she moved to my city and started attending the same Grad School I was attending. Of course we resumed our friendship and began hanging out a lot and used to watch a weekly TV show together.

I don't know when, but something changed and she began sitting closer to me on the couch and even cuddling with me a little (which she never used to). I took it as her wanting a hug and just left it at that. We both were in and out of relationships over the years and remained good friends. There were times when she seemed to be giving me the vibe and maybe I did too without meaning to. She even told me one day (after party riding home and we were both nicely drunk) that our other friend (another guy) hit on her at the party and she could only see him as a friend. But, then she put her hand on my knee and said, "but if it were you I wouldn't mind."

I never did ask her out because I was didn't want to loose such a good friend. I think we would have made a great couple, but I couldn't take that chance. She has sinced moved out of state, but we talk from time to time.

So can a guy just be friends with a girl?...Yes. But, IMHO there may be some point when one or both wonder "what if" and develope romantic feelings. It just depends if he/she values the friendship enough not to act on those feelings.

[michelle23]

It rarely works anyway when you cross the lines of friendship into a relationship.

I went out with a very close male friend when I was a teenager. It was the weirdest worst relationship ever. As friends we got on so well, had such a laugh etc but as a couple there was no spark, no chemistry, we had nothing to talk about, I wasn't sexually attracted to him, we were together about 8 months and all we did was make small talk, kiss and hold hands during that entire time. He was too nervous/shy to make a move and I was trying my hardest to force myself to find him attractive. In the end he cheated on me and killed any chance of us ever going back to being friends.

Lesson learned for me: Dont have male friends as one or both of you will develop feelings at some point and if you cross the boundaries of friendship one or both of you will get hurt..

[ashley89]

I have male friends and haven't had a problem with it unless one of us gets into a relationship. I have always found it easier to get along with guys because there's less drama most of the time, but if one of the two become romantically involved with someone else, it gets tricky. one of my best friends who I've known since high school recently got into relationship, I am still friends with him but we don't talk as much or hang out one on one. if I see them out at the bar I say hello and socialize, and occasionally he will text me but I wouldn't go hanging out with him unless it was a group activity.

[edpjrr]

Guys don't normally give their close male friends big birthday cakes and presents. If a guy does that for a female friend, then he isn't thinking of her as just a friend.

Another thing about guy friendships: it's all about shared activities. Go see a movie together. Play or watch sports together. One guy works on his car while the friend hangs out and hands him tools from time to time. Maybe play a game together, either on a console or maybe with a deck of cards. If a guy is supposedly friends with a woman but their activities look more like a date than hanging out, then his motives look questionable.

wow!I really like your answer! but I still have some questions:

"Guys don't normally give their close male friends big birthday cakes and presents."<---do you mean close "female" friends??

Shared activities?Do you mean a group of guys or just 2 guys?

"If a guy is supposedly friends with a woman but their activities look more like a date than hanging out"<---When you said "a date",did you mean "going see a movie","a dinner","a coffee/a drink"..etc.? How about if both of them are just close friends or best friends like siblings? I have quite a lot of close male friends.Though we don't see each other that often (as we live in different cities),we always hang out one-on-one when we see each other.We go for a coffee/a drink,dinner,lunch,hang around...etc...We just get along very well and we call each other brother/sister.They tell me about their own crushes and I tell them about my crushes.We always support each other.Also,we've already made it clear that we don't find each other attractive.Does this still mean our activities look more like a date or they are a date? Do you think guys and girls can be close friends and strictly platonic? Or do you think there's no such thing as purely platonic?

[edpjrr]

I guess to shed some light on this I will tell you about a friend of mine. We met through mutual friend in college. We were always very good friends, partied, and hung out a few times a week. I always thought she was attractive, but never really considered her as anything more than a friend. Well, fast forward a few years and she moved to my city and started attending the same Grad School I was attending. Of course we resumed our friendship and began hanging out a lot and used to watch a weekly TV show together.

I don't know when, but something changed and she began sitting closer to me on the couch and even cuddling with me a little (which she never used to). I took it as her wanting a hug and just left it at that. We both were in and out of relationships over the years and remained good friends. There were times when she seemed to be giving me the vibe and maybe I did too without meaning to. She even told me one day (after party riding home and we were both nicely drunk) that our other friend (another guy) hit on her at the party and she could only see him as a friend. But, then she put her hand on my knee and said, "but if it were you I wouldn't mind."

I never did ask her out because I was didn't want to loose such a good friend. I think we would have made a great couple, but I couldn't take that chance. She has sinced moved out of state, but we talk from time to time.

So can a guy just be friends with a girl?...Yes. But, IMHO there may be some point when one or both wonder "what if" and develope romantic feelings. It just depends if he/she values the friendship enough not to act on those feelings.

WOW!I really like your story

You both got along really well and you found her attractive.Do you honestly admit that you have never wanted more from her (even sex) or have never had a little bit of crush on her? If she asked you out at the time,would you say 'no'?

[VincenzoG91]

wow!I really like your answer! but I still have some questions:

"Guys don't normally give their close male friends big birthday cakes and presents."<---do you mean close "female" friends??

Shared activities?Do you mean a group of guys or just 2 guys?

"If a guy is supposedly friends with a woman but their activities look more like a date than hanging out"<---When you said "a date",did you mean "going see a movie","a dinner","a coffee/a drink"..etc.? How about if both of them are just close friends or best friends like siblings? I have quite a lot of close male friends.Though we don't see each other that often (as we live in different cities),we always hang out one-on-one when we see each other.We go for a coffee/a drink,dinner,lunch,hang around...etc...We just get along very well and we call each other brother/sister.They tell me about their own crushes and I tell them about my crushes.We always support each other.Also,we've already made it clear that we don't find each other attractive.Does this still mean our activities look more like a date or they are a date? Do you think guys and girls can be close friends and strictly platonic? Or do you think there's no such thing as purely platonic?

I meant what I typed: "Guys don't normally give their close male friends big birthday cakes and presents."

What I'm trying to say is that (straight) guys behave a certain way around their guy friends. They don't give their guy friends birthday cakes or presents. And the friendship generally happens during activities, like games or work or sports. If the friendship is innocent, then a guy should be acting the same way around a female friend. If he isn't, then that friendship might not be just a friendship. He might be hoping for it to turn romantic or maybe into a friends with benefits deal. Some other examples: straight guys don't give their guy friends backrubs, or hugs, or poetry. It just doesn't happen. If a guy does that kind of stuff for a female friend, then he's thinking about something other than friendship.