Unable to cancel on my girlfriend?

[Dextur]

Hey guys,

I have a problem lately in that I see my girlfriend basically every day from usually the afternoon (about 2ish) until night at about 11, as well as we usually sleep over at one of our houses at least one night. Sometimes though after we spend a lot of days together I want a day to myself, but the last time I tried to just tell her that she took it badly and was upset. So, and I know this is wrong, sometimes I say I'm not feeling well if I need a day to myself (only once every 2 or 3 weeks). I know lying is never a good thing, but time to myself is really important and I know that's the only way I can get it without upsetting her.

Though today I rang her and told her I wasn't feeling too well and it's probably best I just see her tomorrow. We have been hanging out the past 5 or 6 days, and on friday night I stayed over at hers, and on saturday night she stayed over at mine, so you know - we have spent a lot of time together and I just wanted a night to chill down and relax and maybe play a few games with my friends. She then offered to walk to my house to see me and I said I wouldn't be the most entertaining cause i'm not feeling well, and that it's probably better I just see her tomorrow. But apparently she had gotten up early this morning to paint me a painting and had spent all day on it and she got upset and annoyed that I wouldn't allow her to walk to my house (about a 45 minute walk from hers) to give me it and see me. I was a bit awkward because I'd already said I wasn't feeling well, and I told her thank you so so much for doing the painting and that it means a hell of a lot to me, I told her I would definitely see her tomorrow. But she got annoyed, ruined the painting and hasn't spoken to me since.

Obviously now I feel really bad, but I mean, not to sound ungrateful - the fact that she worked hard on a painting makes me really happy - but under the pretence that I wasn't feeling well what was wrong with her giving me it tomorrow instead?

When I said about feeling sick for the record, I had no idea whatsoever that she did a painting.

[Cerby]

She is clearly needy and clingy and it is wearing on you. If she doesn't give you some space you can count on this relationship ending pretty quickly. Shit, I live with my gf and I don't see her as much as you see yours. Your relationship is unhealthy as she doesn't want to spend any time with her friends, or on other activities. She has made you her whole world, and that can be a tough standard to live up to. What happens when you want to go out with your friends? Does she come?

**Added - I just read your other post from earlier this month, and you have some insecurities yourself, so I have no idea what you can do to fix this.

[Dextur]

In terms of my first thread I started I naturally am a jealous person when it comes to some things, and I do try to accomodate for that.

But my girlfriend is a bit hit and miss, sometimes she'll be like you can go out with your friends, no problem, but I know if I do leave her that night to go out with friends she'll be upset that I "ditched" her.

She doesn't ask to come out when I go out with my friends, but apart from that she does want to see each other almost every day, and she seems to take my having days to myself as me not wanting to spend time with her, which really is not the case.

[IndiReloaded]

Too much together is not good. Too much apart isn't good either. Find the balance that makes you both happy. Ask her what she needs from you to be secure in your love during the times you are apart. Give it to her and you should be able to enjoy some alone time.

[Dextur]

What about the painting though? Am I really in the wrong for that?

[basilandthyme]

Dextur, ruining a painting because you can't see her shows that she's a but nutty. And not in a good way - as does her constant need to be with you.

But your need to lie instead of being honest about wanting more time is worrying too. You really need to grow some balls.

[Dextur]

Dextur, ruining a painting because you can't see her shows that she's a but nutty. And not in a good way - as does her constant need to be with you.

But your need to lie instead of being honest about wanting more time is worrying too. You really need to grow some balls.

Thanks for the response. I agree completely that I need to just grow a pair and tell her that I want time to myself sometimes, I just find myself knowing that she will get upset by my saying that and I really don't like hurting her like that.

[basilandthyme]

Frankly, if she gets hurt about you needing something as basic as a night off now and then, it's not your problem. She also needs to grow up and learn that the world doesn't revolve around her.

[IndiReloaded]

What about the painting though? Am I really in the wrong for that?

You set your own boundaries on your time. The painting thing is her manipulating you. Gifts should be given with love and without expectation. She did neither. That bears some thinking about.

[surfhb2]

Just blow it off and thank her for the painting next time you see her. If she cares (or normal) she will let it go

[Eng.Jackadmans]

yea blow it off.