Pathetic man, need advice before I mess it up.

[babybesocial]

Aliquis,

One POSSIBLE reason she hit you with the "no time for a relationship" line is that you were too strong upfront man. I mean you haven't seen her in forever and let's not forget that according to what you tell us, you turned down her advances for 7 months. Women are gentle beings who get quite disillusioned when a man does not fancy her, particularly when she is the one making the moves.

As a learning experience, here are a few pointers...

I never told you this but I like you a lot and my feelings grew stronger the more I got to know you. I never made this clear to you because I was afraid of messing it up and I guess I was shy too. I like you a lot is not that much different from I love you, and frankly, it's WAY too early for this...WHY??? B/C you don't even know her situation, her environment. Does she have a boyfriend? Was she recently in a tough relationship? You don't know, so don't come at her with all this out of the blue.

So do you want to go for a coffee or a drink sometime? This was actually a great event to invite her to except for the fact that it was preceded by your grand declaration of love. ONE THING: Next time, don't ask it so much as tell her you want to do something nice for her. TRY: I want to take you for coffee sometime. I have a special place that I know you will enjoy.

Her: Hey {my name}, i dont know how to tell u this but right now i' just too busy at this point in my life, and i am not looking for any kind of relationship. Sorry if i'm blunt but i'd rather tell the truth Her way of saying I am shocked by you telling me this out of the blue...AND...she may INDEED be really busy and not looking for a relationship. This is what I mean by understanding a woman's environment before you go all Shakespeare on her. Does she have a bf? Does she have kids? Does she work ridiculous hours? All these are possible reasons for why she might not have time for a serious relationship, but may have time for a more casual affair.

Me: I understand

Me: I'm not a needy person... but if you dont like me just say it, I can take rejection Ok bro, I'm not trying to bust your chops too much, but by telling her "I'm not a needy person" you have just told her "HEY! Check out the new post it note on my forehead. It screams "I am a needy person!" Stay away from this phrase...ALWAYS.

Her: Thats not the point, what i said is what i meant.

Me: ok, you know where to find me if you change your mind Wait, is she pursuing you? No sir, it is you that is trying to go after her so let's forget this whole "you know where to find me" fiasco. What does this say about you as a man? That you give up easy. Maybe that you just kind of see where the "wind blows" things. That your work is done after that short text. That it's her MOVE?

My man, in the jungle of Romance, man has to step up to the plate and swing for the fences, particularly when he is very much into a particular woman. DETERMINATION. Now, that doesn't mean you become PUSHY. It just means that you apply steady but gentle pressure on her to at least buy yourself the opportunity to have her recognize just how damn good of a man you are.

Then and only then, is it her move.

You were a good sport about posting this so cheers for that. Time to refocus and revamp if this is a girl you really want to pursue.

Keep your head up champ,

Baby Be Social

[Aliquis]

Aliquis,

One POSSIBLE reason she hit you with the "no time for a relationship" line is that you were too strong upfront man. I mean you haven't seen her in forever and let's not forget that according to what you tell us, you turned down her advances for 7 months. Women are gentle beings who get quite disillusioned when a man does not fancy her, particularly when she is the one making the moves.

As a learning experience, here are a few pointers...

I never told you this but I like you a lot and my feelings grew stronger the more I got to know you. I never made this clear to you because I was afraid of messing it up and I guess I was shy too. I like you a lot is not that much different from I love you, and frankly, it's WAY too early for this...WHY??? B/C you don't even know her situation, her environment. Does she have a boyfriend? Was she recently in a tough relationship? You don't know, so don't come at her with all this out of the blue.

So do you want to go for a coffee or a drink sometime? This was actually a great event to invite her to except for the fact that it was preceded by your grand declaration of love. ONE THING: Next time, don't ask it so much as tell her you want to do something nice for her. TRY: I want to take you for coffee sometime. I have a special place that I know you will enjoy.

Her: Hey {my name}, i dont know how to tell u this but right now i' just too busy at this point in my life, and i am not looking for any kind of relationship. Sorry if i'm blunt but i'd rather tell the truth Her way of saying I am shocked by you telling me this out of the blue...AND...she may INDEED be really busy and not looking for a relationship. This is what I mean by understanding a woman's environment before you go all Shakespeare on her. Does she have a bf? Does she have kids? Does she work ridiculous hours? All these are possible reasons for why she might not have time for a serious relationship, but may have time for a more casual affair.

Me: I understand

Me: I'm not a needy person... but if you dont like me just say it, I can take rejection Ok bro, I'm not trying to bust your chops too much, but by telling her "I'm not a needy person" you have just told her "HEY! Check out the new post it note on my forehead. It screams "I am a needy person!" Stay away from this phrase...ALWAYS.

Her: Thats not the point, what i said is what i meant.

Me: ok, you know where to find me if you change your mind Wait, is she pursuing you? No sir, it is you that is trying to go after her so let's forget this whole "you know where to find me" fiasco. What does this say about you as a man? That you give up easy. Maybe that you just kind of see where the "wind blows" things. That your work is done after that short text. That it's her MOVE?

My man, in the jungle of Romance, man has to step up to the plate and swing for the fences, particularly when he is very much into a particular woman. DETERMINATION. Now, that doesn't mean you become PUSHY. It just means that you apply steady but gentle pressure on her to at least buy yourself the opportunity to have her recognize just how damn good of a man you are.

Then and only then, is it her move.

You were a good sport about posting this so cheers for that. Time to refocus and revamp if this is a girl you really want to pursue.

Keep your head up champ,

Baby Be Social

Sorry I didn't notice you replied, I didn't realize the thread went to the second page.

First of all I know she's single, unless she meets her boyfriend in secret and never talks to anyone about him which is unlikely. She's the kind of girl that posts everything that happens in her life on FB.
And she wasn't making obvious advances, just a couple of hints here and there that would have made an advance on my part more likely to succeed given the situation.
I know what I said after she told me she was "too busy" was stupid, I didn't allow myself time to think and my bluntness got the better of me.

I agree with most of what you said but personally I can't be bothered with these dating games, I mean if a man likes a woman and she likes him too, why mess around? First you have to be sly and act as if she's nothing special then you have to show you really want her by not giving up. I made the first move, now I have to do something else without coming across as needy? F that, that's how I am made, if I want something I ask for it and not beat about the bush. If slyness is her measure of a man then I'm not interested in her, plenty more fish in the water.

At least I was happy with that outlook until I went crazy after this girl, still not over her even after a month since she turned me down, never happened to me before. The thought of posting in a dating advice forum over a girl never crossed my mind before, it's just that I can't get her out of my mind no matter how hard I try.

You might be thinking; "this guy is socially retarded", I couldn't really blame you if you did, but please don't take this as lack of appreciation for you effort to help me.

[smackie9]

Sorry but she isn't interested plain and simple. Women all are different about who they will see as BF material so you can keep guessing all you want as to what went wrong...sometimes nothing went wrong, and she's just not into you. So stop beating yourself up over this girl and accept that she pretty much told you no. Time to let it go and move on. Tip: if you "like" or seem interested in a girl, just ask her out. If she says no you just saved yourself all the emotionally bull shit and heartache of obsessing over someone from afar. Tip #2 saying you love them will not increase your chances to be with them...it will have them running away from you. You are 25, you should know this stuff by now, that the only way to get a girl interested is with confidence....to approach them and to handle rejection.

[Aliquis]

Sorry but she isn't interested plain and simple. Women all are different about who they will see as BF material so you can keep guessing all you want as to what went wrong...sometimes nothing went wrong, and she's just not into you. So stop beating yourself up over this girl and accept that she pretty much told you no. Time to let it go and move on. Tip: if you "like" or seem interested in a girl, just ask her out. If she says no you just saved yourself all the emotionally bull shit and heartache of obsessing over someone from afar. Tip #2 saying you love them will not increase your chances to be with them...it will have them running away from you. You are 25, you should know this stuff by now, that the only way to get a girl interested is with confidence....to approach them and to handle rejection.

I know she isn't, I'm doing my best to forget her. I'm not asking for advice for my next step, there won't be one.
I don't have a problem with confidence and dealing with rejection, I got rejected countless times.

[searock]

During her time with the class she used to be friendly with me and I think I ignored a couple of advances from her, again finding it hard to let my guard down and losing the moment.
I try to keep contact with her through FB and sms yet her responses are usually short and she doesn't seem to engage that much into the conversations. Not sure if it's because she's a bit shy with me or just indifferent.
[...]
I sent her the text "are you coming tomorrow? I would love to see you." and she replies with "who are you?", she had my number as she had called me before during her time with the class but apparently she deleted it after she dropped out, and after I told her who I was she replies "I don't think I'll be coming".

Sorry to burst your bubble, but she was never interested in you. She was just being friendly, not flirty.

To answer your question: yes, infatuation can last 8 months. Google "limerence", it may apply to your situation.

Don't use the word "love" to describe feelings for a person you aren't intimate with, it's not accurate and it can creep the person out.

[MyDeafHavana]

Okay, first off, if she's a cliche 'girl' like me - she'd love the whole love declaration thing. And she might not like you, but she could. I'll give you the short version of how my boyfriend and I started off.

We had known each other for about a month and been flirting back and forth when we finally decided to meet up face to face. At the end of the day he asked (very gentlemanly of him) if he could kiss me. I said no and I gave him a hug and we saw each other a few days later. He asked again, I still said no, but again, we saw each other a few days later. Then, I let him kiss me on the cheek goodbye. I like to see if a guy is really into ME before I let the whole dating and physical side commence. Plus, I wasn't even sure I was into him before those first few dates! So if I was you, I would be persistant, but in a funny-cheeky kinda way. Tell her you wanna go out (as friends) but make a couple of flirty jokes while you're out and see how she reacts. I'm a hopeless romantic and a guy as honest and in touch with his emotions as you shouldn't give up so easy!

[smackie9]

You have invested your feelings at the worse time. You should reserve your feelings for when you are dating someone seriously, then you won't be in this situation now.

[michelle23]

ill just give you one tip for future reference: dont waste time trying to be a girls friend first-it confuses her and your tossed in the friend pile.

girls are not stupid. most of us know that jf a guy is paying us attention-he wants to be more than friends. at least those of us who are past the naive teenage years. if shes not interested she will either be aloof or distant with you or drop a hint about a date she has or a bf. at least thats what i do to try and spare the awkward moment when he asks me out.

if she is interested she may tell a friend who she knows will tell you or be v responsive to your texts, flirt a little and be friendly. bear in mind this is all when you are getting to know each other. she may be shy or awkward around you, avoid eye contact, look at the floor, not look straight at you, or she could be all eye contact..

you need to learn to recognize it and then move fast to ask her out before she gets bored

[Onthemend]

Apart from what Michelle said, sorry to say, but you messed this up. It's pretty much common sense that you shouldn't make such delcarations right away. Your message would be fine, if it'd consist of only this: So do you want to go for a coffee or a drink sometime? Confessing your feelings right away is a risky move and many girls will get overwhelmed by it. You need to work on getting her to perceive you as a potential boyfriend and getting her to want to be with you first. Be casual and playful at first, don't storm into someones life like that. Wait for them to let you in. Best wishes.