tired of all the screaming and name calling can this relationship be saved

[beautiful1988]

I have been dating this guy of whom im absolutely in love with since 2011. In december of 2012 we broke up because lets just say he got into doing things that werent good for him. Anyways we were broken up for about 5 months and got back together. He said that everything would be different this time and he would treat me right. I believed him and gave us another chance because I really do love him. Everything was fine at first but then he started to be controlling and mentally abusive. Whenever I ask him if we can go do certain things he says no but whenever he wants somethingb we have to do it or he acts like a total baby. For example my birthday was last wednesday and all I wanted to do was go out to dinner and
and he couldnt even do that for me but the monday the week of my birthday he was having a really bad day and I took him out to dinner and drinks to cheer him up. Today we went to the races he got drunk and asked me what my deal was and all he did was yell and scream at me the whole way home. I dont know what to do anymore he is really controlling if he doesnt agrer with it all hell breaks loose. I really love him so should I stay and try to work things out or just accept that it wont. I really believe in not giving up on someone that you love but at the same time I feel that he has given up on me and I feel that way because he treats me likeni dont mean anything to him. I really feel and know the problem isnt me because its him. He asks me to tell him how I feel and when I do all he does is scream really hurtful things at me. I also cant stand it how he runs to his family and tells them lies about me such as I start all the fights when its him who does and the fights are about him asking me whats wrong and when I tell him and if its not what he wants to hear he screams at me. What should I do a bd do any of you think things could work out. Advice would be nice. Nothing rude or offensive please as I am having a hard enough time already

[Empty Road]

Doesn't sound like it's worth saving.

[basilandthyme]

beautiful1988, you say that you're "absolutely in love" with this guy. I challenge you to write a list of all the things which make him so loveable.

[michelle23]

Hun get rid of him. How can you love anyone who treats you with such disrespect. You are his partner. Not his emotional punching bag. He should treat you with respect. I have never heard my father raise his voice like that to my mother or call her names. They are together over 25 years. It is not normal and its not healthy. leave him now. You should never allow anyone to treat you this way-let alone a man who claims to love you. This is not a loving relationship

[VincenzoG91]

The communication is horrible. This guy is a shrieking toddler. You're not in love with him, you're in love with the idea of being in love. Wake up and escape this horrible nightmare of a relationship.

[4 ratties]

I would attempt one more time to speak to him. Make sure he is calm and happy.. Then start off with " I really need to talk to you and I need you to listen to me and not just get angry" and then explain your feelings again. If he dismisses you again and gets angry or doesn't change, there's nothing else you can do

[bcgirl]

He has no respect for you if he is talking to you in that tone anytime you ask him how his day was etc. you are going to end up being that girl in the emotionally abusive relationship that is scared of her husband.

[HeartIsAching]

Why would you WANT to save the relationship? He's mentally and emotionally abusive, and he uses intimidation to get his way. I'd bet money it escalates to physical violence if you ever stop responding properly to the abuse you're going though now.

[VincenzoG91]

Aside from the sex, he seems to hate you.

[TablesandChairs]

The first thing I thought when reading this is: 'You can't be helped' but maybe that's a bit harsh, I don't know.

He's given you every single sign possible to indicate he doesn't care about you - he couldn't even be bothered doing something for your birthday? That's actually just mean. People take verbal abuse lightly - like just because it isn't physical, it's okay. It isn't, it can cripple your self-esteem and make you have to walk on egg shells.

Do mention what it is about this guy that you love so much and why you want to save what seems like a very shit relationship.

[Anna1408]

I'm sorry you're going through this, beautiful1988. It must be so upsetting for you when this happens and it sounds as if he gets a lot worse when he's been drinking.

I am also locked in a mentally abusive and controlling relationship which I made a post about here the other day. The advice I was given was not what I wanted to hear (I wanted solutions about how to get him back) but it is the advice I am giving you now: Leave this man. Get as far away from him as possible.

If you do decide to stay with this man then you had better prepare yourself for the fact that he almost certainly will not change. Most likely he will get worse and you will just get more and more unhappy and more insecure.

Leave him and when you have given yourself a little time to get over it go find a guy who is more deserving of your love.

All the best.