I dont like the way he treats me. Advice please.

[namemyname]

Oh, the other thing...I think the "I felt like a whore" is overused. It conveys recognition, and to make this workable, the OP needs to be entirely clueless.

Just a style point.

[smackie9]

I was hoping for more pornographic details....clearly disappointed after that long read.

[Kandi]

Kandi, that is not love. The thing you have started in the wrong way and it has only got worse and you've been allowing it all the time. He will never change and he will never take you seriously. He will only try to satisfy his dirtiest fantasies with you because he can and kick you after that. Do yourself a favour and STOP SEEING HIM, forget about him just as you would forget a nightmare and STOP DRINKING. You went home with a pervert this time but next time you could end up with someone dangerous.

You have lost yourself quite a bit and forgotten to respect yourself as a woman and you need to do something about that. Weaknesses, excesses and lack of decency will only make you terribly unhappy in life. This is not who you really are and you have more intelligence and strength than this. If you need help to find yourself again, don't hesitate to look for it, there are online resources, self development books and therapy. You can start again and so much better.

I really appreciate your advice. This is the only thing I will take with me. I also was venting so I think I exaggerated a little. It sounds worse then it is. That is only when he's drinking and when he sober, he's a sweetheart. Whoever made the comment about my mother not raising me right, that was so unnecessary. My mother and I are not close. So I never had that relationship with her. She is very successful but she has always been about herself. She took care of me but she wasn't nice. I recently asked her if she remembered a gymnastic competition I won and all she said was, I remember all your accomplishments. What do you want? I don't have a relationship with my dad because my mom was very controlling so of course I'm not going to take my problems to her. It's none of your business really but don't speak about things you don't know about. He would never rape me. That was offensive. We been dealing with each other for over a year. I was laying down and he was up under me and feeling on me, which was fine. He was flashing pics of me and him together but more of me. I send him all kinds of pics often so that's not a big deal to me. He always climb over me for head so that's not abnormal to me. I was just half passed out and hungover. I remember trying to suck it but I just couldn't. When he fingered me, it was deep and it felt uncomfortable. So I gently moved his hand. If you don't believe it then why post? I'm not getting paid for this. I just wanted advice. I don't plan to stay a member. I love him for all the good things he do for me. I fell out with my old roommate and he let me stay at his place and he was out of town so I know he cares but I'm talking about love. I was looking for advice and all I got was how stupid I am and I do not receive that. Why would I spend time typing all that? I also made it clear I was on my phone and to excuse any typos. I don't give two shits about the grammar. I'm on my phone because I want to be sure that it stays private. I have a real issue and that's all you want to comment on. Get real. I'm not going back word for word on my phone to correct anything. Maybe you all who have no life, I have one. My friends are my friends because I'm loyal, dependable, trustworthy and I'm pleasant.

.

[Kandi]

And I thought he was an asshole. You all are. It's very simple, don't comment. I didn't come on here to get told how stupid I was. If I already feel bad, why try to come on here and beat me up over again? I'll go talk to my real friends. They'll be upset but they will come from a real place. My mother is not even this bad. Have fun making fun of a real persons problem. So ignorant.

[smackie9]

The only reason you got that troll treatment is because we find it astounding that anyone would tolerate such treatment, and turn a blind eye to it in hopes for love. Your friends don't respect you if they don't step in and tell you that how messed up this truly is and don't help you restore your self respect.

[smackie9]

And I thought he was an asshole. You all are. It's very simple, don't comment. I didn't come on here to get told how stupid I was. If I already feel bad, why try to come on here and beat me up over again? I'll go talk to my real friends. They'll be upset but they aill come from a real place. My mother is not even this bad. Have fun making fun of a real persons problem. So ignorant.

Your story is so unbelievable that is why.

[smackie9]

And this what I don't get why you didn't turn to your friends in the first god damn place....

[Kandi]

I don't tell my friends everything. I keep a lot of things to myself. That's why I came on this website to begin with. On the outside, I'm ok. I'm put together but on the inside, I can't get it together with him. He is the only person that I feel like I have no control over. He's my weakness. I really love him. He so smart and established and he helps me a lot. I just gave you the negatives. I leave out details when I tell my friends. I'm too embarrassed to tell them everything. Besides, they can't control what I do. Me and my best friend has gotten into really bad arguments over my past relationships because she doesn't understand so I don't tell her things sometimes. I really don't like the way you people came off.

[smackie9]

I don't tell my friends everything. I keep a lot of things to myself. That's why I came on this website to begin with. On the outside, I'm ok. I'm put together but on the inside, I can't get a together with him. He is the only person that I feel like I have no control over. I really love him. He so smart and established and he helps me a lot. I just gave you the negatives. I leave out details when I tell my friends. I'm too embarrassed to tell them everything. Besides, they can't control what I do. Me and my best friend has gotten into really bad arguments over my past relationships because she doesn't understand so I don't tell her things sometimes. I really don't like the way you people came off.

I can totally understand your friend's reaction. It's not her or him that doesn't understand, it's you who doesn't understand that being treated like this is abusive. It's very wrong. I bet money on it she or he has told you more than once that you have self esteem issues and get some help. I can tell you why this cycle keeps happening....every time this guy rejects you of treats you like trash, your brain give you a shot of dopamine, and increases desire, and you want to »"fix him with your love"....typical of abused spouse syndrome. I know I have been there. I was in a abusive relationship for 2 years....mentally and some times physical. So I know your head is in a very bad place.

[Wakeup]

On the outside, I'm ok. I'm put together but on the inside,

You are "one hot mess." (and that goes if you are, or you are not a troll.

Like I said, they're are links and books that might help you but only if you stop being in denial.

[Valixy]

The sexual aspect wouldn't bother you if you felt loved by him, Kandi, but you don't. This is why you're hurting. But you can stop this and you will and then you'll feel so much better.

[Unusual]

I've noticed, why is every newbie on this site accused of being a troll?

Nowonder people piss off from this Forum and your left with the same dinosaurs

If OP is a troll then their certainly have a lot of time on their hands.

[smackie9]

You would be surprised...............

[Kandi]

Just to add, whenever I feel like he's responding in a negative way I don't just take it. I really go off on him and that's why he was telling me when I don't get my way, I act crazy and I admit I have this problem. I always had issues with family in my life so I try to hold on to what I got if I want it and love it. We both get drunk at times and we act crazy but he just a little wilder but he never really let a friend do that and maybe he felt bad and tried to make me feel guilty. From now on I just won't drink to that level and I'm going to tell him how it made me feel and I'm going to back off from him a little. I'm not initiating the contact is what I mean. If we at the club, he's upset if I don't speak or be all over him. He will just stare at me the entire time like he waiting on me to come to him. Damn, here I go venting again. I'm out of here.

[Valixy]

It might be difficult to let go, it always is, but you've waited enough for a change that never happened. He doesn't love you or he'd need you and want to spend more time with you. No matter how much you love someone if that person doesn't treat you right, you have to love yourself more. You'll be grateful for standing up for yourself and taking the right decison.