I dont like the way he treats me. Advice please.

[Kandi]

My apologies about the long post. I just really need advice and I am not comfortable to talking to my friends about it. I'm also on my phone so please excuse any typos. I really need honest and unbiased advice.

I have been friends with this guy since May of last year. I met him at this club last year and we were both pretty waisted. I am normally a smart girl and I make good decisions except when I have too much to drink. I won't be crazy but I will let it all if I really like a guy which can be a mistake sometimes. So the night I met him I was drunk basically. He came up to me and proceeded to kiss me on the dance floor. I didn't even realize what was happening but I didn't stop him. He was so aggressive. He was drunk as well. He told me I was going home with him so I said okay. We stayed at the club for another 20 minutes and we left. My friend followed us in her car and I rode with him. Long story short, my friend had plans and didn't want to stay so I told him I wasn't staying if my friend wasn't and I wasn't comfortable with that. He told me to get the ****kkk out of his house and I asked did he want my number and he said no. I wasted his time and he would see me around. I really didn't care at the time. Now before I left that night, he's telling me he wants to see me a couple times a month. He would take me shopping and out and we would spend time but I guess he thought that I was leading him on. My friend didn't like him from the beginning. She said he was cocky because he was very financially stable.

Fast forward. I regretted not staying with him that night. I know he was an asshole to me but I was attracted to him and I honestly thought he could be the one. I never had a guy on his level before. I was so impressed. I remembered where he stayed so I went to his home and left a note on his car the following Friday evening. By the time I made it home, he had called me and we cleared the air. I told him I wanted to see him again. The next day, I went over and he cooked on the grill for me and we just talked. I was surprised at how sweet he was while sober and intelligent. We had sex and that was that. We became closer as time went on. He was always nice but when he drink, he's an asshole but I looked past that because It's not often. It's as if I was in love with him from the very beginning.

We wasn't in a relationship but things were going good until I felt as if he was becoming distant. I would ask him aboutit and he would assure me we were okay but he was busy with working. I felt as though he would call when he wanted sex no matter how late it was or early and if I couldn't come immediately he would have an attitude and tell me not to come and I picked up on the fact that he is very insecure and jealous. So one night I see him out and I was already upset with him. I was drunk..yet again and I flipped out on him in public. It was a bad situation and I felt terrible. He completely cut me off. I did everything I could to get him back but he was done with me. I was sad so I stopped contacting him afterwhile.

We eventually started talking again because he called me one night and I went over there. I felt used sort of because I had been doing everything I could to get him back and he only called me to have sex and that morning he said he had a soccer game and he didn't even walk me out the house or anything. Sometimes he ignore me and then he will tell me he love me and I melt all over again. He makes me think he really cares. He will do anything for me and he always ask who have I been with, which I don't like because the way he asks makes me feel like a whore and I'm not. I'm only a certain way with him.

I need advice with this. He's really polite but when he drinks, he's another person. My friend asked was I sure he didnt of pop pills or anything because he is different during those times. He talks to me any kind of way and he treats me like a whore. This past Saturday night, I ran into him while out. I spoke to him because I was happy to see him. He half spoke and I decided to have a good time with my friends and not let it bother me. He slapped me on my bottom and left. I left shortly after and called him. He said he had a friend in town from another city and to stop by with a friend. So I decided to go. My friend seen his friend and wasn't attracted to him. None of my friends like him so I was glad she agreed to go in the first place. So my guy told us to get in his jacuzzi. My friend said she wasn't staying and we made a plan to trick his friend into thinking he could go with her home and hr could follow him in her car. She would meet him at a gas station and give him a sob story and trade numbers. Hers would be fake of course. We did this so his friend could get out of me and my guy way. I wanted him all to myself. I was sitting on the couch beside his friend but we wasn't close so it was no funny business. My guy comes up to me and starts kissing me and he pulled my breast out in front of his friend and begin to suck on it. His friend looked sort of thrown off. My friend was in the bathroom. She didn't see this. My guy said to his friend, look at her. Isn't she beautiful? He told him to feel my breast. His friend didn't want to and he looked as if to say what the hell...this is crazy. My friend moved his friends hand to my breast and made him touch it. At the time I didn't like it but I was drunk so I didn't fight it and it was only for a split second. After that, his friend and my friend left as planned. So our scheme worked as crazy as it was.

The next morning I had a bad hangover and I was laying in the bed and I heard his phone flashing. He was taking pics of me but I had no energy to say anything because I have no feelings regarding that. Then I awake and I was gagging, he was trying to get me to give him head and I said no and he stopped. He was fingering me and I pushed him away. I felt like a used whore. When we got in the car so he could take me home, he was dressed for his game and looking nice and clean and I commented how bad I felt. He said that I really acted crazy last night and I had no respect for him because I was walking around in my bra and panties while his friend was there and the reason why he not in a relationship with me is because I think It's all about me and when things don't go my way, I act like a spoiled baby. He said I need to grow up and when he tells me no I need to respect his decision. He wasn't sounding super mean but very condescending and it hurt my feelings because I love him and I do whatever he tell me to because I don't like him mad with me. On the way out the car, he told me he loved me. I kept walking like I didn't hear him because he always blames me and I apologize for everything every time. I am supposed to have dinner with him tonight. I am really bothered and turned off that he let his friend touch me. Out of everything that hurt me the most. If he loved me, why would he do that? I want to give him another chance but I'm thinking of cutting him off completely. Yes, I was wasted but I'm not a whore and I wonder if that's how he see me. How should I bring this issue up? Should I not even meet him? I can't tell my friends because they already hate him for me. I don't want them to know this just in case I get serious with him. I don't want them to judge him. They would be disgusted. Am I wasting my time? I feel stupid typing this but I love him but I wonder if he loves me. I need help on what to tell him tonight or should I not even go and ignore him from here on out? He's always being emotionally manipulative to me but if we get serious will he change? I keep thinking that my chances are blown because of what happened with his friend and how I was walking around that way. I feel guilty and now he takes me as a joke. Do you all think he would ever take me serious?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This guy is awesome. I think he loves you, you just need to give him more time.

You did act like a crazy bitch and no one wants those problems. Be less crazy and he'll be in a relationship with you.

[VincenzoG91]

Sounds like he is just using you for sex. The only time he is being honest with you about it is when he is drunk.

[Wakeup]

If I have one thing to be thankful for it's that I am so totally glad that I bought my daughter up to be self-respecting.

Anyway OP, it's hard to believe that this is a real story but just in case it is: You are a hot mess. Please, please see this by re-reading your own post as if you were not the person it's about. This man does not love you, this man is a sociopath, you are heading down the path of distruction and you need professional help with your piss poor view of your worth.

I have several links I can send you that MAY help you if you won't or can't get therapy for this. Let me know if you want them.
Anything any layman here says to you will just go in one ear and out the other.

Block, delete and forget this guy. He will never love you. He verbally abused you yet you actually went back and begged him to abuse you some more. That is very, very disconcerting to read.

Here is one link that you'd do well to look at, get the book and then not ever contact this guy again.

http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Love-Addiction-Giving-Yourself/dp/0062506048

[Wakeup]

This guy is awesome. I think he loves you, you just need to give him more time.

You did act like a crazy bitch and no one wants those problems. Be less crazy and he'll be in a relationship with you.

I think you're incapable of 'getting' that this is total sarcasm so I will point it out to you that it is.

[Valixy]

Kandi, that is not love. The thing you have started in the wrong way and it has only got worse and you've been allowing it all the time. He will never change and he will never take you seriously. He will only try to satisfy his dirtiest fantasies with you because he can and kick you after that. Do yourself a favour and STOP SEEING HIM, forget about him just as you would forget a nightmare and STOP DRINKING. You went home with a pervert this time but next time you could end up with someone dangerous.

You have lost yourself quite a bit and forgotten to respect yourself as a woman and you need to do something about that. Weaknesses, excesses and lack of decency will only make you terribly unhappy in life. This is not who you really are and you have more intelligence and strength than this. If you need help to find yourself again, don't hesitate to look for it, there are online resources, self development books and therapy. You can start again and so much better.

[horndog]

The guy sounds like he is capable of raping you. Get away from him before he does

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you're incapable of 'getting' that this is total sarcasm so I will point it out to you that it is.

Who the hell do you think you are, that you can just waltz in and speak for me? Huh? Watch it brah.

[Wakeup]

... lolzzz ...

On edit... not quite the emo I was looking for but it will have to do now.

[namemyname]

That was one of the more interesting troll posts I've read in a long time.

Wish you had put in more graphic sex, but otherwise, great read!

[smackie9]

You get called a whore because you act like one. If you were my friend I would disassociate myself from you because you are as stupid as they come.

[namemyname]

You get called a whore because you act like one. If you were my friend I would disassociate myself from you because you are as stupid as they come.

I was really hoping for a three-way with the friend, or him posting nude pics of her on facebook. There were sooo many great embryos that the OP just didn't hatch.

Maybe next time the story will develop more. In literature, this is what we call the "disappearing gun".

[basilandthyme]

wow...reading all these comments makes me think I shouldn't have given up after the first couple of paragraphs

[namemyname]

wow...reading all these comments makes me think I shouldn't have given up after the first couple of paragraphs

Oh, no. Go back. It's very well done for a troll post! The one about the girl cutting a friend and wanted to kill people was just *too* obvious and dark. You can't be entirely off the rails.

This one has all the required elements. The bad grammar, the conviction the OP has found the love of her life, the abusive antagonist, the sexual chemistry...all of it.

Two thumbs up!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

A post that long, and no one complaining about the length...it was definitely worth the read.