Just looking for some clarity

[wildgift]

Background: While visiting my male best friend who lives out of state, I (45, divorced, no kids) met and slept with his best friend (43, never married, no kids). We spent the next 3 days together while I was visiting. Not just sex, but hanging out. It was another 3 weeks before I was back in his state and before I got out there he asked me to stay with him during my visit. I did and all was perfect. Again, not just sex. Another 3 weeks pass and he recently came out to visit on his birthday weekend and we spent a long weekend away in CA together. I keep in touch via email/txt and he too almost daily - but not excessive. We talk on the phone maybe once a week. Nothing deep, just what we have planned for our day/week/weekend. Talk about what we have done in the day. That sort of thing. I stated after the first RDV weekend that I understood he lives in a different state and the opportunity to sleep with other people may arise and me being the realistic person I am, just asked that he protect me if that does happen. He said, "fair enough". I guess that meant he agreed in some way. I have other men who want me to go out with them, but I wouldn't want out of state guy to do this - so I am not.

We get on well together. He says he enjoys being with me when he can.

I really dislike putting pressure on situations with questions, but I really like this person. In my head I tell myself to just go with it, see what he does. Yet, I think my mind needs to be put at ease by a statement of exclusivity. I really don't know how to broach this or even if I should after only 3 long weekends spent together since July and my statement about 'being realistic'.

• What is your advice from a male perspective? (40+ only should respond)
• Can I pose the exclusivity question? How should I?

Serious replies only please. I am only posting here as I need neutral/unbiased opinions.

Thanks

[anonymous_a]

You really need to take a serious look at what you even want from this. Are you willing to move for him if it gets serious? Is he willing to move for you? You don't have kids, so there is nothing to tie you down. I'd say just go with the flow for now. Don't worry about "the talk." Just let it come naturally. IF I WERE YOU (key words) I would continue to date other people, and just allow him to do his thing, and keep those details on a "need to know" basis. There is no point in possibly avoiding meeting the man of your dreams, when this relationship may not even work out.

[basilandthyme]

I'm a mid-40's woman.

I wouldn't rush in with an exclusivity discussion. Instead, I'd be talking about your desire to explore if something more could come of this. Most importantly, the first hurdle which needs to be crossed is whether or not one of you is willing to move. And prior to the move, are you both willing to travel often enough to make being exclusive workable?

Logistics first!

[wildgift]

Still waiting for a man to give me some insight into what this person is thinking, but I do appreciate the female opinions also.

In response to you ladies, I am flexible in where I can live between the two states. He has since day one stated he wants to live in CA. We are both flexible in that respect. I can travel to him when I want - job and money situation are good.

I think my main concern is whether or not this is anything to him. He is someone completely in control of his emotions. A no-nonsense person. A man of few words. He is forthcoming though when posed a direct question.

When we are together we are comfortable. Like we've known each other forever. Like an old married couple - comfortable with the silence and comfortable with our conversations.

I know I need to live for today and enjoy the journey this might be, but I also miss companionship - someone to come home to. I have been dating since I got back to the states, but this person is different. Us girls know when the person is worthy of all of us or not, but how do I tell if the feeling is mutual without asking?