Does giving ex girlfriend space actually help?

[spiritofjosh]

I ended up ruining a very brief, 2 month relationship with my now ex girlfriend. Despite that she treated me like I was a king, I still ended up acting like she was being sketchy and that I couldn't trust her. An example would be when she started hanging out with 3 of her male friends she had been best friends with for years but who I've never met. I make the assumption she was going to start being distant and act shady so it caused an argument but after a couple days we spoke in person, she cried a lot saying she's afraid I'm going to leave her but i need to trust she'd never hurt me, and it was fine after that. But last Thursday I caused another argument because she left work and went to her girlfriend's house but usually she'll text me when she leaves just to say hi and either tell me she's going to her friend's or asks if I want to hang out, instead she didn't say anything. I got worried and texted her because just a few days prior she was really sick so I was worried she left early because of it. Eventually she answered and apologized for not texting me but said she was with her friend and her family playing family feud. Since it was weird she didn't text me I accused her of hanging out with one of the aforementioned guy-friends and didn't want to tell me but instead she sent me pictures of what she was doing to prove she's not a liar. I felt like a dick afterwards.

After that I had a long conversation, unfortunately via text because she was too mad to talk to me in person, about how I get so paranoid to lose her because she reminded me so much of an ex I dated for 5 years who used to lie to me all the time and always act shady. I explained she has none of the bad qualities but the good qualities were so uncanny I couldn't help comparing when similar situations would come about to only be proven wrong by her. She just said she hates that nothing she can do will get me to trust her completely even though she would never hurt me and planned on being with me a very long time. Finally she said she wasn't sure what was right for her to do. The following day she gave me the same reasons and said she couldn't be with me if that's how I felt.

With lack of detail I'll say she was perfect to me, how we met and got together was perfect and just seemed right. So perfect I was always paranoid thinking it was too good to be true and that I didn't deserve somebody like her. She was thoughtful of me constantly, went out of her way just to see me happy, so on and so forth and I did and acted the same back towards her, something I never do in relationships. I really thought she was the answer to when I've been constantly asking who was the right one for me.

Since our breakup she kept all the pictures of us or just me on her instagram and didn't delete them. She has some of her favorite movies at my house still and one of my coats is still in her car, but she hasn't contacted me about any of it yet. I want to give her space so I haven't texted or called her. Since then anything I'd post via instagram or facebook seemed to go unnoticed by her, when normally she used to like all that I'd post. However, I posted a picture of myself at a really busy bar Thanksgiving eve and she liked it quite a few hours after I posted it, as if she went and looked at my instagram. Why she liked that specific picture I'm not sure of because she wouldn't have on good terms, I wonder if it's a "I'm glad you're out at a bar" type of thing or what because it wasn't even a flattering full picture of myself. The next day on Thanksgiving I posted on facebook a song we considered "our song" because before we dated we'd always post lyrics from that song as a hint it was about each other. She liked the status/video but I can't help wondering if it was her trying to get my attention or not. A couple hours later I posted other lyrics from the same band, she didn't like the status but posted a song on her facebook. The song isn't one she made obvious she liked overall but one she knew I was very fond of and would always play it for me when we were together, and it's definitely a song she knows I'd only see meaning to because it's not a known song really. Again, I can't help think that she did it on purpose to get my attention.

Then today, the day after Thanksgiving, I posted lyrics that I had posted around when we first started talking. The lyrics are "as much as I would like to I can't put my hands all over you" because that's how I feel about her now...again, she liked it.

Now I ask in the female section on if these may be subtle signs a girl may give when they miss somebody, or simply she is over it and is ok with us being friendly/friends. But it just seems a little too specific for that. I understand that I ruined a great relationship, I really just keep hoping she sees that I admitted to my insecurities and wanted to try and move past this. That besides those two fights, I really treated her very well, doing everything with her in mind only and how much she appreciated it and always said she's never been so happy before and has never been treated as good. The fact it only lasted 2 months is what makes it hurt more to me and I already started to talk to a close family friend whose in the psychiatry field about me letting go my past so I can trust others. Thanks for anybody who may take their time to read through this.

[smackie9]

Your family friend is exactly right, you need to let go of the past before you can have a healthy relationship, but it won't happen over night. You need to own up to your poor behavior and take responsibility.....that means you have to come forward and tell her face to face, and that you are willing to take time out to work on your insecurities. Don't push her to resume the relationship, you will just find yourself right back where you are now. Maybe a little space between you two will do you wonders.

[spiritofjosh]

Very informative advice. first I do want to give her some space just to let the air clear and to figure out when she may want to talk, if at all. I'm not doing any talking through text and I also think I may need the space to really figure out what's going on. Myself is my main priority as of now because if I keep working myself up over these silly things I make up on my own I could never expect to make somebody else happy.