Boyfriend has changed and putting me down.

[Carlina]

Hi everyone

Let me please start with saying I never ask advice online so this is a bit strange to me. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago and since the last few months it's just going down hill. I don't have as strong feelings for him as I used to and I just don't know what do with it.

Now since I'm still going to school I can barely go to him because he lives 2 hours away from me. At this time he has no job, no responsibilities and just spends his days in his room gaming or so. I kind of wish he would visit me at school as I have half days of school sometimes but he doesn't. Doesn't even cross his mind. When I talk to him about this he usually gets mad at me and starts pointing the finger at me with things like "you are not even graduated!" or "you dont even work full time!" It seriously drives me crazy, as the only thing I want to do is discuss something that frustrates me about him but he just starts looking at things that I'm doing wrong.

The only contact we have is either through the phone or via Skype but it's usually just chatting. But not even then he can bring up the effort to talk to me, he is either calling, gaming or catching up on other things while I'm being ignored. When I meet with him in real life it's better but I still get quite annoyed with him, sometimes with even the most little things he does that just irk me.

He just does not seem interested in me anymore but yet claims that he loves me, I have a blog which he never asks about. He never asks about school unless I start talking about it, same with my hobbies. Last time I said I was trying to get my arabesque done and he couldn't even be bothered asking what an arabesque exactly is. I even asked him if he knew what it was and he said nope. But didn't feel the need to know at all. He says that I'm the one that should bring it up if I want to talk about it, which I find absolutely ridiculous, he does not feel the need to ask me questions.

I just feel lost at this moment, I'm not talking to him at the moment, thinking maybe he will then realize what I'm for him. He is not putting me on a pedestal but putting me down I feel every time again.

Anyway, any idea what to do this in this situation? I really feel lost. I don't know if age matters but he is 27. Thanks!

[Starnique]

You should move on from him. Tell him that he doesn't show any interest in you, doesn't appreciate you and makes no effort to get off his lazy ass and come visit you. Tell him that at this time you're just straight up bored. What are you holding on to Carlina? He's slacking and not giving you the attention that you deserve and you need to focus on keeping yourself happy and fulfilled because he's not going to do it unless you leave him. The reality is when a person doesn't do what their supposed to do in a relationship, someone else will come along and give you what you've been missing. When he calls, tell him he has picked the wrong time because you're busy. Don't give him your personal information because he had his chance. You've already told him how you felt. No changes. Break up with him.

[Carlina]

You should move on from him. Tell him that he doesn't show any interest in you, doesn't appreciate you and makes no effort to get off his lazy ass and come visit you. Tell him that at this time you're just straight up bored. What are you holding on to Carlina? He's slacking and not giving you the attention that you deserve and you need to focus on keeping yourself happy and fulfilled because he's not going to do it unless you leave him. The reality is when a person doesn't do what their supposed to do in a relationship, someone else will come along and give you what you've been missing. When he calls, tell him he has picked the wrong time because you're busy. Don't give him your personal information because he had his chance. You've already told him how you felt. No changes. Break up with him.

Honestly, he is my first and I'm so deep into this relationship (family for example) that it would be hard to just break up. Other part of me thinks that he might change but he can be so arrogant sometimes that he doesn't even see what he's doing wrong. I was always the one that was going to him, spending my hard earned money on train and bus tickets and my school grades weren't as good because of all the traveling to him. These past few months I've been focusing on school and my grades are much better but he doesn't see the need to come by and visit me at school or something. I 100% agree with what you said in the bolded part, he is not giving me what I want and it's frustrating.

I was thinking about giving him until February, seeing if he will do something romantic, visit more, just a second chance I guess. Thanks a lot for your respond, nice to have a second opinion!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should just stick around. He will change on his own.

[Silhouettes]

Seems like an unhealthy relationship to me. If you're unhappy, then just break it off. Honestly seems like you two aren't on the right page...good luck.

[TheEvilJester]

....He's 27 with no job and he just sits on his arse all day playing video games? Look, I'm about the most romantic guy you could ever want to meet, but even I am leaning towards saying this guy just isn't worth it, regardless of how long you have been together, or how great it may have seemed in the past. He's nearly 30 years old and shows no signs of giving a crap whether he has any kind of real life? That is a little ridiculous. I mean, don't get me wrong... We live in a different time. Sometimes even in your 30's you are still not 100% sure where the Hell your life is going. But, as you are in your late 20's, 30's, and so on, you should at least have some direction.

And, heck, I know that isn't necessarily the only thing that is important. If he had no job and no prospects but were otherwise a sweet, loving, wonderful guy, then I could see sticking with him in hopes that he turns his life around. We all hit slumps at times. But, he doesn't even seem to care enough to put in the least bit of effort in your relationship.

I know this can be so much easier said than done, but I think you need to consider moving on. You should have a serious conversation with him about how you feel. Most importantly, though, remember to do your best to have the conversation cordially and without making it seem like an attack. I know that can be somewhat difficult, but if you just make it seem like you are nagging or attacking him as a person, he will just shut down and not want to listen. Heck, with a guy like this, he'll probably do that anyway. But, at least if you do our best to be polite yet firm, you'll know that if he just remains the selfish and uncaring jerk he's been otherwise, then that is just one more tick in the "dump him" column.

Either way, good luck. I hope you find the man of your dreams, whether it is him or not.

[basilandthyme]

Honestly, he is my first and I'm so deep into this relationship (family for example) that it would be hard to just break up.

If he's your first, I can understand the confusion about breaking up and family.

Let me lay it out for you: When we end relationships, we also end it with their family. It's totally normal: They will get over it and so will you. I promise. And if they've got half a brain between them, they'll understand that you don't want to spend your life with an arrogant lazy ass of a boyfriend.

Your relationship with his family should have zero significance in your decision.

[TablesandChairs]

Honestly, this is him. He's showing you what he is. You don't like it much because there doesn't sound like there's much to like.

You initiate mostly everything, he sits on his behind and can't even spare a telephone call to you without simultaneously gaming. He's not interested in your life...in what you're doing, in how you are...he might say he loves you but saying it is easy. Meaning it and showing it through actions is a different matter altogether. Where's the proof that he loves you? Simply adopting the label of your boyfriend isn't actually doing anything.

I don't know how old you are but trust me, there's so much better out there. It's up to you - you can discuss things with him openly and see how it goes...maybe give him some time to adapt/change. But it sounds like he'll just arrogantly counter-argue with you. Not sure there's a lot of hope, here. I'd be gone, personally. You're young, you should be with someone who adores you.

[Boisdevie]

Honestly, he is my first and I'm so deep into this relationship (family for example) that it would be hard to just break up.

Life's a bitch isn't it. But wait a minute, don't we have freewill, the ability to change things?
Listen you idiot, the guy is a waste of good DNA so dump the chump. He's hardly making your life joyful is he?

[michelle23]

Sometimes you gotta love yourself more than him or the relationship. Hes not making you happy anymore, you have grown apart and you are worth more than a 27year old waster who sits on his ass all day playing video games.. he has not grown up . Plus he bullies you and makes you feel like dirt. Why would you want to stay with an overgrown child?

I get its hard. Hes your first love and your close to his family but you need to be strong and put you and your happieness first

[pcmaster]

Well just say him that spending money for tickets just to see him dont makes your pussy wet. Everytime you touch valet it sends signal to the pussy that this man is not worth getting wet for.
If he want to see you then let him come to you.

You know when guy start blaming everyone else but himself that shows that he lost heart. You can see that love is not so strong anymore. Playing games and maybe watching porn kills the sexual tension that used to make him do things for you. If he realy desired you he would reach out for you. And sitting at home not doing anything with life is a sign of clinical depresion. Its like evil circle. Only taking action can break it because action can bring sucsess and make guy addicted to life again.

I you want to help then get guy out of house once a week go out and have a good time together or in large group of people. Otherwise than that there is counselling etc. Basicaly being demanding wont help much. You can try to understand and help guy with first steps but its something he have to want by himself. Its morelike a inner battle.

BTW hes holding you down because hes confidence is low and theres no much he can offer you. He have to put you down just to feel comfortable next to you. If your confidence would be where it should be than you would leave the guy.

[AnErin]

Sounds like you are dating one my of ex-boyfriends.

With getting rid of him - if you want to do that, just quit contacting him. He is probably too busy playing C.O.D. to notice.

Girl look, I know you feel in love but damnit, this guy is a loser. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who eludes responsibility and sits on his ass playing video games for a living?

[Carlina]

Hi everyone

Sorry for my late response but I've had my hands full this last week. Tuesday I went to him and we talked a bit about his behavior, he doesn't really see where he can change but always looks for things that I should change. Friday he went to my school and we went ice skating which was fun. It seems like it's better but I'm still missing something in our relationship. I've decided to give him until February and see how it's going to go. We've also discussed whether to give each other a gift or not with New Year, well it was my idea, and we're going to. But he says it's difficult to buy something for me because I seem to have already everything and he just can't come up with something. I guess this is the most annoying thing as he does not have to give something materialistic like flowers or so, I mean we women are the easiest to gift something to haha.

Maybe it's weird but the gift that he will choose to give me with New Year will determine for me whether he put a lot of effort in it or not and if it's wise to go through with this relationship.

And yes he is out of work, he graduated from his Master in September but he can not find a job but he is going to start in January. So he is definitely trying He is still gaming and I'm still the one that has to take the initiative to meet up, but oh well. I'm used to it I guess.

[pcmaster]

Maybe it's weird but the gift that he will choose to give me with New Year will determine for me whether he put a lot of effort in it or not and if it's wise to go through with this relationship.

Well its funny but there is some logic in it. If he still things you are beauiful and special he will put efford to show you it. If not buying then creating something personal. Things that hes doing for you shows desire for you.

[Carlina]

Well its funny but there is some logic in it. If he still things you are beauiful and special he will put efford to show you it. If not buying then creating something personal. Things that hes doing for you shows desire for you.

Exactly! Thank you for putting it this way, but this is exactly how I feel.