ohhh, Why can't we be friends?

[Katini]

Okay. I understand that going into this situation with either high hopes or a lot of enger/expectations is not going to be healthy. I've deleted any expectations I have and am only hoping to at least ask some of the questions and express some of the concerns I have so that I can move on.

The concept of No Contact is good, however it is to inhibit a person's presence in your life so that you are not constantly reminded of the relationship/good things/what you are missing. If there are unresolved issues then I see it as a better thing to get them out in a calm and healthy manner instead of repressing them. I am not planning on going into detail about the hurt or the regret or any logistics of the relationship. I am, in fact, curious as to why this breakup happened, in his mind, and I also want to be able to walk away after this knowing that After I've greived, I will be able to forgive.

I have tried simply teling friends and family about them, but the closest friends and my mum all agree that if I feel I should have a talk with him, then I really should. I can't WAIT to be able to at least know that I've regained some sort of control in this situation, which I already sort of have. I'm sorry, I suppose defneding my deicision on a board where I was asking for opinions is not what I should be doing. I just need to assure myself that this is the best thing for ME. and It is.

[Katini]

and...if he doesn't give me the answers I think I'm looking for, then I know once and for all that It is no longer worth it. I just don't want to feel anger and, perhaps, as he was the one who expressed such a strong desire to be my friend, I can turn that into acceptance after however long I need.

[Chlorine]

Katini----"if he doesn't give me the answers I think I'm looking for, then I know once and for all that It is no longer worth it."

Answers. The answers you are looking for. Do you want him to give you the answer you are looking for? Or do you want him to give you HIS answer. Big difference.

If you want to remain friends, as stated in the title of your thread, than it doesn't matter what answer he gives you. Even silence is an answer.

[Katini]

Thanks. I got his answers.

I can now move so beyond 'over him' and while it's gonna hurt again for the next few days, I finally feel like It is over. I can dissolve the love, and He desperately wants to be friends. I can choose this or not. I don't know if his wanting to be friends is perhaps his need to seek some sort of---like, sign that what he did is the right thing. If we become friends again, I think he will have that. And because I still care about him, while the feelings of love/lust are lessening by the moment, I want that to happen. And that is for ME, not just him. God, we were a bitter couple at the end.

We weren't meant to be, and even before this colsure meeting, I knew that. Hmm, I reccommend one to people who think they need it. Haha, but I cried more than I wanted to. it was not exactly as I saw it, but it was what I needed exactly to move on without anger.

[Tone]

Yeah we'll see how things are in a couple days...

[artyemi]

It always hurt.

It helps if you stop thinking of meant to be or not meant to be. If both of you wanted it, it would've work. Obviously, he doesn't want it as much as.

It's okay to cry... you can cry a river.. and cry till you stop crying.. and even then, you'll manage to cry a bit more. but it's okay. You'll get better.

[Katini]

I'm doing tres awesome. Havne't cried in the few days and I really feel quite moved on. He's entered into my thoughts a few times, but I just keep thinking forward to the future, and to the promise that it holds, even without him in it. We want separated lives, and are not going to be in a relationship anymore. That is good for me, finally.

There will be other guys, other good times, and other relationships. So yes--in a couple days, I'm doing better than I have all summer, even BEFORE we started dating.

[lovesux]

I think it all depends. I feel it's easier to be friends with your ex, if you were friends before you started going out.

I've dated girls in the past, who I only knew for a while or girls who I have 'known', but never actually been friends with. When you break up, there's nothing to fall back to. When you were going out, your relationship was defined by making out/holding hands/watching movies/sending each other romantic messages blah blah. How then can you go back to being friends with someone if you never were in the first place? Hope it makes sense.

I personally wouldn't like being friends with an ex, even if you were buddies in the past. I still have feelings for the one or two girls that I have ever really loved and even though I grant them there happiness and their new lives I still feel uncomfortable accepting that they have moved on or have new BFs. Know it sounds selfish.

So, in short, I think it's only the very lucky/unlucky few that become friends with their ex's , but if you still have an inkling of feelings for them, rather move on. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache and pain in the long run.

But hey, that’s just my personal opinion.

[Commendable]

I'm going throught he same thing right now.

We were together for 6 months the first 5 were awesome then he became distant . We still saw each other every day but he wasn't affectionate at all, he had previously been very cuddly towards me. He started giving me excuses as to why we weren't having sex anymore(see My BF won't have Sex thread)
and it finally exploded. On our 6 month aniversery, which I reminded him of quite a few times, he didn't say a thing to me about it and blew off our plans so we could hang out with his friend. I cried all night, then wrote him a letter telling him all the things that made me unhappy.(me alwasy having to call HIM, him not telling me about future plans and hearing about them from his mom) I know I'm too much of a wimp to tell him in person. Well two days later he said 'I read your note' and 'I just don't think it's working.'
I wrote the letter with the intent of him telling me whats wrong and why he'd been acting all distant latley(he WASN"T cheating) so we could work things out.
I refuse to acceppt his attempt to breakup until he gave me a reason. So Last Thursday he called and said he's thought it over and it wasn't working.
Said he'd just lost interest, and wasn't interested in a realtionship right now.
HE also said he'd like to be friends.

Well I tried calling him to hang out and he put me through to his voice mail
So I now think he was just saying that to make me less hurt by the breakup.

The thing is I DO want to be friends, I liked just hanging out and I'm attached to his family and friends. I even like his hobbies that I took an interest in for him.

I"ve basicly been in bed or crying for the last four days. Friends tried to be supportive. By making me go to a wedding. Like that's the kinda of thing you want to go to after your bf breaks up with you. I sat and cried for two hours before she came over and asked if I wanted to go home.

Still can't talk to anyone without tearing up.

Un until two months ago, I thought he was the person I'd be with forever, so it's hard.

Sounds like your doing better, I hope I can do the same eventually.

My last bf was five years ago(in HS). I hope it dosen't take that long this time for a guy to ask me out or for me to feel like dating gain.

[justonekiss]

About a year and a half ago, I dated a guy I was somewhat good friends with. It only lasted about three weeks, before he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend. We didn't talk over the summer, though he knew I hated him and was very apologetic. We still didn't talk, until about October, then slowly begun hanging out again. It took a long time, but we were able to forget about what had happened and were just friends again. Now we've sort of parted ways, but I've parted ways with most of my friends from high school.