Playing Mind Reader

[Elven Lied]

Hi, i'm new, my name is Kathwarty, my friends call me kat for short.

I think that's enough about me, lol, now i'll get to the problem. Thanks in advanced to anyone how replies back to my post, it really means alot.

I've been going out with this guy now, for over a year. He's smart, funny, looks like I cut him out of a magazine, and he's great in bed. I'm not bragging about his johnson, I mean just the "way" we have sex. It's the way he knows how to touch me, it really feels good. Even when we're not having sex and he's touching me, it feels really great.

About 4 months ago my friend came back and told me that he found out from one of my boyfriend's best friends, that my boyfriend didn't enjoy sex with me. I didn't think much about it at the time. After all, sex is sex, what guy doesn't enjoy sex? Ever? Right?

I guess I was wrong. Last month I saw him really gloomy and sad on the couch, so I went over and gave his johnson a rub, and asked him to tell me what I do or can do that feels really good for him. He couldn't think of one thing!

I was just thinking back on us as far as sex goes. He never really let me try to please him as far as I remember. We would have sex, and sometimes I would go down on him, but it was all really rare. When it came to me, the second I mentioned sex, or he saw that I was in the mood, he would do everything he could to please me, and he went down on me I think at least 8 times for every 1 time I went down on him. My friend asked me to do an orgasm count, lol. It sounded retarted, but I think he orgasmed maybe 4 times in the 8 months of sex we've had. I've orgasmed well over 60 times.

There were alot of times that I felt that I kind of left him high and dry, and he would sort of try to forget about it, which is why I thought nothing of it, because he acted like it wasn't important, and it didn't bother him. How was I suppossed to know that he was keeping it from me and hiding it? I'm not a mind reader.

I'm just really happy with my life right now, everything is going great, but it won't mean anything if he's not part of it. And I really don't want to lose him. Does anyone know what guys like or respond to, generally? And can anyone tell me how I can find a way to straited this thing out with him? Guys, help please, lol.

[Aaron Blanc]

I'm not shur I understand your question. Why is it you think he doesn't enjoy sex? Are you shur you're just not feeling guilty because you're enjoying sex? There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex for yourself you know.

[shh!]

This might not be a problem with you. He may have problems with impotence. Can he orgasm via maturbation?

[Elven Lied]

I'm not shur I understand your question. Why is it you think he doesn't enjoy sex? Are you shur you're just not feeling guilty because you're enjoying sex? There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex for yourself you know.

No, that's not it at all. I do enjoy sex, I really do. The problem is that I know he doesn't, and he doesn't want to admit it to me. And it makes it very hard for me to fix the problem.

I remember once that we had sex early in the morning, right before he left for work. It was incredible, but he didn't get to finish. I even asked him if he wanted me to finish him off, and he just evaded the question and concentrated on me, like it didn't matter, so I figured, "it didn't matter".

He came back that night, really moody and grumpy. He looked tired and frustrated with work. But now that i'm thinking about it. He only had half a day of work that day, and he went out with his friends later. So I know that he's keeping it inside him. I just haven't come up with a way to find something I can do that he really likes. And it's starting to scare me.

You're a guy. What do you think I should do?

[Elven Lied]

This might not be a problem with you. He may have problems with impotence. Can he orgasm via maturbation?

No, he get's quite hard, and really fast. Almost as soon as he sees me in the mood. I've never asked him about what he does when i'm not looking, lol. But i'm guessing no, he shouldn't have a problem. Why would he have a problem?

[Aaron Blanc]

No, he get's quite hard, and really fast. Almost as soon as he sees me in the mood.

Let me ask you this Elven. Do you respond the same way to him when "he's" in the mood? I don't mean phisically. But, do you feel like you want to please him or feel when he wants to have sex?

[shh!]

I dunno; there is something called "retarded ejaculation", which is when a guy can't ejaculate although he can become hard. The causes are usually psychological, although certain medications will have this effect. I would do an internet search for a medical website if I were you.

[gHEXjt]

You have to talk to him about it! Unfortunately that's probably the best advice you're going to get here because every guy is different and every guy likes different things. We can't tell you what to do for him because it all comes down to personal preference.

So just talk to him. Communication is really important in any relationship, and its also really important when it comes down to sex. You need to talk to each other about these things. Be as gentle as possible and let him know that you know he's not happy with your sex life. And tell him you want to make it work for both you, since you obviously do, and ask him what he thinks and how he feels you can work on this problem together.

[Elven Lied]

Let me ask you this Elven. Do you respond the same way to him when "he's" in the mood? I don't mean phisically. But, do you feel like you want to please him or feel when he wants to have sex?

Um, that's the thing. I can't really tell when he's in the mood. Unless it's right before we're about to have sex, when it's really a no brainer. But I could be cooking, reading a book, talking on the phone, watching a movie, or listening to music. And he'll know when i'm in the mood. It's not that way at all with me. I can't ever tell. I know he loves me, but I can't be that bad at knowing how he feels. I just think it's because of all the times I let it slip by.

But it's his fault to, because he always kept it inside him all the time. He never told me that it wasn't ok to stop having sex, or that he really wanted me to do something. So I thought that he was ok with it, and that nothing was wrong. I've comfronted him about it already, but it got nowhere.

[Elven Lied]

You have to talk to him about it! Unfortunately that's probably the best advice you're going to get here because every guy is different and every guy likes different things. We can't tell you what to do for him because it all comes down to personal preference.

So just talk to him. Communication is really important in any relationship, and its also really important when it comes down to sex. You need to talk to each other about these things. Be as gentle as possible and let him know that you know he's not happy with your sex life. And tell him you want to make it work for both you, since you obviously do, and ask him what he thinks and how he feels you can work on this problem together.

I did, I did just that. In a really nice way. I even started to cry. But he told me that he doesn't feel right telling me what to do. He feels really personal about it. And I told him, unless he tells me, there's no way I can figure it out. And that I can't enjoy sex with him, not when I know that i'm the only one enjoying it. I might as well do it myself.

[gHEXjt]

I did, I did just that. In a really nice way. I even started to cry. But he told me that he doesn't feel right telling me what to do. He feels really personal about it. And I told him, unless he tells me, there's no way I can figure it out. And that I can't enjoy sex with him, not when I know that i'm the only one enjoying it. I might as well do it myself.

Then you've got to talk to him again. There's nothing else you can do. Being a guy that never shares his feelings, I know what he's talking about when he says its too personal. But if you keep bugging him you will break him. You just need to be as gentle, kind, and reassuring as you can possibly be. No confrontation whatsoever. Just be as loving as you can be and hopefully he'll break. And don't cry, that definitely won't work. That's kind of like making in confrontational. And if he still doesn't crack, I really don't know what else to tell you.

[Aaron Blanc]

Um, that's the thing. I can't really tell when he's in the mood. Unless it's right before we're about to have sex, when it's really a no brainer. But I could be cooking, reading a book, talking on the phone, watching a movie, or listening to music. And he'll know when i'm in the mood. It's not that way at all with me. I can't ever tell. I know he loves me, but I can't be that bad at knowing how he feels. I just think it's because of all the times I let it slip by.

But it's his fault to, because he always kept it inside him all the time. He never told me that it wasn't ok to stop having sex, or that he really wanted me to do something. So I thought that he was ok with it, and that nothing was wrong. I've comfronted him about it already, but it got nowhere.

You could have just said "no".

I ask for your forgivness in advanced but,

how dumb can you be?

You don't know if he's enjoying it? How would you feel if you started to have sex right before work, and the other person was done, but you weren't? Now, imagine you have to get ready, wash up, and go to work. You're at work all day thinking, you had sex this morning, you know you did, but you just don't feel like you did, instead, you feel that you haven't had sex in years.

Would you like him to tell you that? I don't think so, but he would like you to figure it out, without him having to say it. It sounds alot like he has retarted ejaculation. I have a couple of friends with that problem. And as much as every man dreams of outlasting their woman, it is the most dreadful condition a man will ever have to deal with.

He obviously loves you, and I wouldn't jump ahead, and think that he's going to leave you just because he's not enjoying sex. If he really loves you, then you should know that there's more to a relationship than just sex.

If you really want to work on it though, you should try being more aware of when he's in the mood. If you think that he's in the mood at the wrong times, "when you can't have sex", then try to work around that. The only reason it would be your problem, is if you don't want to have sex with him, when he is in the mood.

[Elven Lied]

Look Aaron,

I can read him, and know what he's feeling about everything else. Just not sex. When it comes to sex, I have no idea what he wants, or what he likes. And the only guidlines I have, is what he tells me. And he feels bad telling me what he likes, or telling me to do stuff, so I have no idea what to do, or when to do it.

[gHEXjt]

I just had an idea. Next time you start doing something with him, start questioning him during it. Like "does this feel good, or what about this" type of shit. That's what the Sunday Night Sex Show lady always says to do. Definitely give it a shot. That way if you're doing something he doesn't like, you can stop doing it.

[Elven Lied]

I just had an idea. Next time you start doing something with him, start questioning him during it. Like "does this feel good, or what about this" type of shit. That's what the Sunday Night Sex Show lady always says to do. Definitely give it a shot. That way if you're doing something he doesn't like, you can stop doing it.

What Sunday Night Sex Show lady?

I'm not taking advice from a porn star.