Man doesn't want sex...but says he loves me. Help!

[desperategirl]

I've been in a relaship with a man for just under a year. I love him alot, but there are a few problems.

Firstly, he is very vanilla in bed. I guess this would be ok if we had sex a lot, or if he was better with his hands/tongue, but he's not. He's quite judgemental about some of the kinkier things I am into, and I no that if we are going to be together, then I have to accept I am not going to be totally satisfied.

I do enjoy sex with him when we have it, and get really into it, but he seems to get annoyed if I get turned on when we're kissing, because he might 'just want to cuddle'.

The bigger problem is that he very rarely wants to have sex. He says he is attracted to me, and he enjoys it when it happens, but he is never in the mood. He doesnt masterbate either.

I have another problem because I know that he found an ex girlfriend prettier than me. He dumped her. He says I am 'deeper' and there is no point to compare the two relationships.

So now I guess he isn't attracted to me, or he would want to have sex with me. He never compliments me. It's strange - but I used to get a lot of compliemnts from men about how I look. And co-workers have said I have a nice body, or am pretty. This makes me feel worthless, bt he says it is not his way to give compliments.

As a man, does this just sound like he doesn't fancy me? He says he loves me, but I am not feeling it because of this.

[Csca]

I'm not a man but I've been in a similar position to you. Sexual incompatibility is a difficult hurdle to get over, it caused endless problems in my previous relationship and the knock backs just got too much for me and ended up causing arguments. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not attracted to you, people just have different sex drives, that's a fact. Its up to you if you accept him for the way he is and as you say remain in a relationship where you are left unsatisfied.

[Wakeup]

Why would you accept being unsatisfied? Are you broke and you need him to take care of you? That's the only reason why I can see any one "accepting" less then what they actually want.

If you're so wonderful (according to your co-workers) then why not dump this guy and find someone who thinks you're wonderful and is a little more matching in libidos?

[basilandthyme]

Not all men give compliments. I'm lucky to get one or two per year from my hubby! However, he shows his love in other ways.
His lack of wanting sex with you doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. It means that he's got a low sex drive.

That being said, if you want a guy who's sexually compatible with you and who says nice things to you, by all means dump this fellow you're dating. Dating is about finding Mr Right - it's not about struggling trying to make it work with Mr Wrong.

Go and find that man who lights your fire xx

[TiffanyLum]

Your situation hardly sounds like a problem. In fact, some women would prefer men like that who don't ask for sex all the time.

If you are confused, why don't you have a nice conversation with him to clarify things? It helps to know what he thinks

Sexual compatibility is an important thing tho...I mean when you get from after a long day of work, are you honestly going to be satisfied with a man who just stares at you?

[bulrush]

You two are sexually incompatible. This is a major issue. He's vanilla and has a low libido. Not all guys have a high libido, especially as they get older. Sex is one of the top 3 reasons couples break up. I see a breakup in your future.