Pep talk / motivational words for putting myself out there

[AshBern]

Every time I actually work up the courage to put myself out there, I realize I am still crippled because of my past rejections and hurts. Even so much as texting a guy-not really putting myself out there - causes me a great amount of stress and anxiety. The only time it doesn't is when I am not interested. I am about to go out with a third guy from online dating, and I already know I am not interested. Therefore I am not nervous. But even if it were me doing the asking, maybe I'd be a little nervous. I digress. Even when, hypothetically, the guy I am thinking about contacting has already like initiated some contact with me, and shown interest, I still am terrified because I think he will reject me, or think that perhaps I misread. and I have flashbacks of the harsh and cruel rejections I have received in the past. Sometimes i reject people before they have a chance to reject me (not always the case though, sometimes I am simply not interested).

Anyways, i know i cannot guarantee that the person won't reject me. I get that. But I really wish I could not feel this level of stress to the point where I cannot concentrate, I labor over what to text, I immediately regret texting if I don't receive a response fast enough. (sometimes I have even deleted the number between my text and theirs). So anyways, I just need some sort of motivation and pep talk and something to assist me in getting over this dehabilitating fear. This cannot be normal, can it? If I had to text the guy regarding work or a group activity that we were all taking part in, i wouldn't feel nervous. But if it's something that even remotely shows that I am interested in them or could have the potential to, i am very nervous. I waste SO much time on it, and it's really not productive.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[basilandthyme]

its time for you to research building both your confidence and resilience.

The confidence part will enable you to say to yourself "he didn't reply so he's not the guy for me - but plenty of other guys out there". The resilience part will build up your ability to 'bounce back' from adversity. Most of resilience comes from knowing that when one door closes, another opens.

Hit Google or Amazon for info or books. Or see a psychologist so that you can learn the strategies you need.

[Risa-K]

I can relate to you, despite I am young. I have anxiety and stutter so bad when talking to the guy I like, but when it comes to regular conversations to guys I don't like. No problemo, I can talk perfectly fine. I've opened myself to many guys before, you know the saying "Be yourself!", so I did...but that tend to make guys stop liking me, and I lost friends because I guess I was weird. I started to hate myself for who I was. The first thing is be okay being yourself. Loving yourself is the key to a happy life. It really is. Eventually the right guy will come, no one is bound to be unloved despite what others think of themselves because of past experiences. I got rejected all the time. Guys told me I was too embarrassing to be around. (I'm super nerdy looking lol). Love yourself, eventually you'll become more confident, and confidence really is attractive. At least I believe so. Even now I struggle to love myself, but I'm trying everyday to stop worrying about what guys think about me, and think about how I think of myself. Be strong. It's when you're okay being with yourself, that is when you find the one.

[TheEvilJester]

I feel your pain, my friend. Honestly, I wish I could offer more helpful advice, but it is the sort of thing where you are only going to get better by trying. I am so sorry to hear that people have rejected you so hurtfully in the past. No wonder you have been too nervous to try again.

I assure you, most people (well, or at least a lot of people) are not so cruel and heartless even when rejecting somebody. I mean, I don't mean to say you WON'T get rejected. You may, you may not. It's just, getting rejected really isn't that big a deal. Most people are sympathetic enough human beings to at least do so gently and with some compassion. The more it happens, the less it will sting, and the more you will feel empowered to try again.

Also, if you feel you may need it, please DO NOT hesitate to get some help. I know we human peoples often have a stigma about that like therapy is only for crazy people. The thing is, if you feel too crippled to even give yourself the chance to get in the fight, why not seek out help if a therapist might actually be able to help you build the arsenal of weapons you need to win that fight? Maybe you don't need that, maybe you do. I'm just asking you to please care enough about yourself to seek out that help if you do. There is NO weakness in admitting when you need help. We all do sometimes.

Trust me, I know from experience how hard it is to follow all of this advice. How daunting and impossible it seems. I realize it all just sounds like words. But, it is true. One important thing you need to tell yourself and to start to believe is that you are AWESOME! Tell yourself anybody would be lucky to be with you. It isn't about being cocky, it is about realizing that they are no better than you. Yes, it would be cool if you could ask out a guy you like (or he'd ask you out) and not only would he be interested, but it would go great. But, if you ask him out and he is no interested, then you know what? That is his loss, not yours. Some other guy will be interested. Doesn't necessarily mean he has done anything wrong. Not everybody we like is going to like us back. But, it just means he wasn't meant for you, and somebody else is.

Good luck to you! You CAN do it! So, get out there and fight for yourself!