As uniquely cliche as I can be.

[angeloftheharps]

This is a complicated story to say the least...and at this point I dont know what to do anymore.

A few things about my life, I don't know if it will help, I am an openly gay male, from a wealthy family in the Midwest, USA, attending college, active on campus, as well as in a major fraternity.

In high school. I was extremely popular, and to put it lightly, playing around with emotions. In jan 2009 I started to see an older guy, who was 23 at the time, I was 17. At first I just did it for the status and money, among other benefits...but I quickly fell in love with him, and still am to this day. I dated him all the way through my senior year in high school to the end of my freshman year in college. We've gone through a lot, and ended up breaking up a little after our one year. It was "semi" mutual. I understood why, but I didn't agree with it. Essentially he had alcoholic problems and tended to verbally abuse me while drinking, something that I didn't take standing down. Once I slapped him and he punched me back, apologizing right after, and trying to help me up. He hated that he would hurt me and didn't want to upset me anymore. A few weeks went by, and we started talking again, and flirting, pretty much acting like we used to. This was a very confusing time. He'd expect emotional and sexual things from me but wouldn't want to commit, for reasons I have never got him to tell me. At the same time he'd tell me that he wasnt seeing or talking to anyone.

In the fall of 2010 he went to a rehab center, and I was his main choice of contact. After he left he was better, more in control of his drinking and even when he did drink he was different, kinder, and was no longer abusive verbally to me. Even though we had been broken up we were pretty much dating and as far as I could tell, exclusive to each other. Earlier when we first broke up I talked to a few guys, a little flirting, but nothing as far as even a date. I thought the same of him. Well in Jan of 2011 (midnight of new years to be exact) things started to go from us kinda seeing each other to practically together again, saying i love you and hanging out constantly. Around March-April I got curious for no special reason, and decided to check his facebook wall... My nosiness aside, I saw that a guy was on his wall quite a bit. My boy came over that same day, and we started to have a little two person party. We started talking about what our relationship was. He told me we were both allowed to talk to other guys, and that he wants me to explore my options. We also agreed we weren't going past flirting and talking with other guys. I found that fishy sounding. I decided to mention that I noticed the guy. He told me he was an old friend from back before he moved and that they had only hung out and we're just friends.

Nothing else.

So later that night while he slept, I decided, I deserved to know, so of course, I checked his phone. The evidence was in the first text I opened. Pretty much he had been flirting and sexting and seeing this guy for a few weeks. From what I read it was clear they hung out AT least 3 times, 2 of the times completely sexual, and my guy had left his own house, driven an hour to visit this guy at midnight, something he had never done for me, even though I live twenty minutes away. To say the least I was hurt, my mind has blocked out most of what I read. I woke him up and questioned him. He ignored it and excused me of going through his personal things, which of course I did, but I still discovered him lying about it. He stormed out of my house and didn't talk to me for a few days. Finally he admitted he did something wrong, (sorta of) but was still guilt tripping me about me going through his stuff.

He promised to never talk to the guy again, (something that as far as I can tell hes been doing) and we started hanging out again. We finally sat down and talked about what he did. But even then he was vague, and said they only hung out ONCE and did nothing but hand jobs. And he claims he only did it because he was drunk. I know this to be complete bullshit, that he was sober at least one of the times, and did much more, and they even talked about cuddling and kissing and things that aren't purely sexual but emotional as well... but no matter what I said he didn't remember this or that and skipped around everything I said. The last two months, hes been working as hard as he can to win me over...which has been working. I have been sneaking peeks at his phone, but haven't been able to tell much. A week ago he asked me out to be his boyfriend again. I said yes. So I checked his phone a few days ago, and a "Straight" guy in his phone had all his mesages cleared. In my mind that was very strange. Considering it was suppose to be a straight buddy. So I decided since I can't check his phone, I will check his facebook. In his facebook, I found him flirting with a bunch of guys over the course of the year, nothing to amazing. I found out he was talking to a guy a week after we broke up, and calling him babe and wanting to see him, etc, etc, I found a couple messages that seemed like he had hung out with people, but nothing to weird. Then I found the "Straight" buddies messages. In them I found a few things that peeked my interest....and now I cant get them out of my head despite them being from 5 months ago.

My guy is RF, the straight guy is BW
This was the earliest in the conversation I could find.
January 13

B W
I tried pretty damn hard to leave ya alone for a while. I know im a little persistant so i thought id give ya a break. Even though were both busy with school and work its nice to chat. That being said im going to leave it up to you so i dont get annoying. Hit me up if and when your free to talk.

R F
For sure... im sry if I am distant.. im really trying hard to work on myself.. physically and spiritually ya know.. getting my ducks in a row finally

B W
I totally understand and respect that. I have no expectations just like talking to ya. I know we dont know each other that well but you can talk to me about stuff if youd like. Take it for what its worth but either way thanks for being open and understanding, and that night in the kitchen.

R F
Lol I kinda forced ya a little

B W
Think what you want. I went in the kitchen to "make a drink" on purpose. I knew youd follow me.
thats right i set you up! How do you feel about that one biatch

R F
Lol dur... I knew u did im not stupid lol

B W
Lol didnt realize i was that obvious. If i wasn't scared of getting caught it would have been intense.

B W
Unless you would have tried to stop me.

R F
What do u exactly mean by intense

B W
Im sure you can use yoru imaginiation. Text me we can talk about it.

At that point it trails off into another conversation. I've had suspicions about this guy for a long time, but from what I read it seems like they did something sexual in a kitchen in January. Every time I bring up this guy, my boy tells me hes just a straight buddy.

I want to know the truth. I know he wasn't cheating, we weren't dating then, but I feel so betrayed again and again by him. I know hes bad for me, you don't have to tell me. I'm sure he will break my heart again...but I need to see this out. I need advice to get him to admit it or tell me the truth.... without revealing I have been looking through his face book. I want to love and trust him, and I know he hides what might have happened because he doesn't want to hurt me or...whatever. At this point the only way I could trust him, was for him to tell me exactly what happened. But considering there's nothing on his phone, I don't have anything to raise a question out of.

Any advice about any of this would be nice. And I'm fully aware its a bad relationship, but again. I need to see it through at this point. I love him, for whatever reason. I just want him to stop lying about shit hes done in the past. He can't lie to me if it happened recently, so I can easily tell if he actually cheats or does anything wrong. But stuff in the past, he has no problem twisting and "forgetting"

Sorry if this is a little bit confusing and out of order. I can clarify anything you need...
Please any help or advice... my heart is very heavy right now.

Thank you

[qwertz]

Why are you with this guy? You dont trust him and it sounds as though you have reason not to. Trust is hard to get back once lost (if not impossible). You should move on and find someone worth giving a shit about.

Oh and as i'm sure you know, BW is not straight!

[MerryH]

At this point the only way I could trust him, was for him to tell me exactly what happened.

Why do you think you'll suddenly trust him if he just tells you the truth about this one thing he did when you two weren't even together? That doesn't make sense. I think you're deluding yourself into thinking that this would magically fix your trust issues. It won't.

You have to forget about his past. It's really none of your business anyway. And stop snooping. That's terrible.

Since you're committed to this relationship that you know is bad for you, then I hate to say it, but you sort of deserve whatever bad things come from it. You won't leave him, so just take whatever bullshit he throws at you, I guess. I don't know why you would want to work this out. "But I love him!" isn't a good enough reason to work on a relationship that is fundamentally broken. You can do better.

[lisa2011]

I agree. Without trust you are always suspicious and miserable.