Do you think I'm naive?

[edpjrr]

searock to answer your qs-the ten male friends i had as a teenager ALL asked me out at some point. they even took bets amongst themselves to see which one could score with me or other females in our group first. i was not attracted to any of them and to me they were just friends but men dont think that way..

an man who has ever tried to be "my friend" wanted more.

im not talking about my bf,s friends or my friends bfs who i chat to and get on well with. thats different. but men in general do not wana be close friends with a girl. they wana bang you or go out with you. im not gonna change my opinion on that. sorry

" they even took bets amongst themselves to see which one could score with me or other females in our group first."<---OMG!Just tell them to get a life...I think they asked you out only as a joke.....They sound very immature....-__-

"ut men in general do not wana be close friends with a girl. they wana bang you or go out with you."<--but a lot of men still turn down their close female friends when they asked them (male friends) out....

[edpjrr]

Going to have to agree with Michelle, most men wouldn't mind having sex with their female friends if they had the opportunity - and not see a problem with it.

yes,but it doesn't mean they "always want" to bang their female friends or have a crush on them
There's a difference between "want" and "wouldn't mind"

[bearz]

yes,but it doesn't mean they "always want" to bang their female friends or have a crush on them
There's a difference between "want" and "wouldn't mind"

Exactly. I've had a couple of female friends who I didn't have any feelings for whatsoever, who I never wanted to be with. But I wouldn't have kicked them out of my bed if they ended up in it for some reason.

[edpjrr]

1) I'm kind of surprised people believe this. Most guys I know have female friends. Some of them have sex and some of them don't. Sometimes having sex interferes with the friendship side of things and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes they actually become lovers and couples. A lot of times they don't.

2) That's retarded. Those people don't even know what a whore is. People need to open a fukking dictionary before trying to use words that are too complicated for them.

3) Let me guess, he implied or said outright that he was the one exception to the rule who wasn't just trying to get into your pants lmao. But truth be told we really have no way of knowing if your male friends want to have sex with you. Chances are at least some of them do.

4) This is an iffy one. Some would argue that there is a degree of sexual tension or the potential for sexual energy between any two people who connect in any shape or form, including members of the same sex whether or not they think of themselves as gay/bi. That said, I've thought about sleeping with several of my female friends without actually pursuing it and I was perfectly content to remain friends with them.

5) This one is more black and white than the other issues imo. If a guy treats you like that then chances are he's trying to white knight his way into your pants. He can be caring and supportive and blah blah blah without necessarily wanting to fukk you but at the point of buying bracelets and b-day cakes a guy may as well wear a sign saying "I don't know how to attract you so let me see if I can purchase dat pussy with gifts and white knighthood."

Wow!Thank you for your answer

3) yes,you're right.Some of them want to bang me cos they brought it up at some point....

5) LMAO!HAHAHAHA!Purchase the pussy LOL
but the guy was my close friend. I thought it was very normal for friends to get their close friend a birthday cake.

Some people think a guy normally doesn't buy their close male friend a birthday cake and if they do this to a girl,it means he wants to bang her or to have a relationship with her. ....But I don't agree with this.In my opinion,of course a guy doesn't give a birthday cake or presents to their close male friend cos this would seem very gay (nothing personal to gay people).Guys don't like birthday cakes,bracelets or any girly stuff like these but girls do.Some of my guy friends gave guys posters or other manly stuff for their birthday but they are not gay.It's just like...guys walk their female friends home to make sure they get home safe (to be gentlemanly) but guys don't walk their guy friends home.Guys hug their female friends when they see or say goodbye to each other but guys don't hug guys.Guys can make sexual jokes among themselves but it's not very normal for them to make sexual jokes to their female friends (as this would be considered as being disrespectful).Guys aren't supposed to treat women the way they treat men cos men and women are very different in many aspects such as the way they think,hobbies,behaviour...etc.. That's why I always think it doesn't necessarily mean a guy has a crush on his female friend when he treats her differently from his male friends.He could just be nice and gentlemanly. This can also explain why I thought it was very normal when my close guy friend gave me a massive tiramisu birthday cake and a bracelet on my birthday.I thought he was just being nice to me and very gentlemanly cos we were close friends and he valued our friendship.I gave him 2 CDs for his birthday but it doesn't mean I had/have a crush on him.I did this cos I valued our friendship.Do you agree with what I said above?Please feel free to say no if you don't agree.I'm totally up for any different opinions and explanation

What do you think?

[VincenzoG91]

Edpjrr, if you shut your eyes and use your imagination, you can see anything that you want. Perhaps you are already doing that.

[dickriculous]

Wow!Thank you for your answer

3) yes,you're right.Some of them want to bang me cos they brought it up at some point....

5) LMAO!HAHAHAHA!Purchase the pussy LOL
but the guy was my close friend. I thought it was very normal for friends to get their close friend a birthday cake.

Some people think a guy normally doesn't buy their close male friend a birthday cake and if they do this to a girl,it means he wants to bang her or to have a relationship with her. ....But I don't agree with this.In my opinion,of course a guy doesn't give a birthday cake or presents to their close male friend cos this would seem very gay (nothing personal to gay people).Guys don't like birthday cakes,bracelets or any girly stuff like these but girls do.Some of my guy friends gave guys posters or other manly stuff for their birthday but they are not gay.It's just like...guys walk their female friends home to make sure they get home safe (to be gentlemanly) but guys don't walk their guy friends home.Guys hug their female friends when they see or say goodbye to each other but guys don't hug guys.Guys can make sexual jokes among themselves but it's not very normal for them to make sexual jokes to their female friends (as this would be considered as being disrespectful).Guys aren't supposed to treat women the way they treat men cos men and women are very different in many aspects such as the way they think,hobbies,behaviour...etc.. That's why I always think it doesn't necessarily mean a guy has a crush on his female friend when he treats her differently from his male friends.He could just be nice and gentlemanly. This can also explain why I thought it was very normal when my close guy friend gave me a massive tiramisu birthday cake and a bracelet on my birthday.I thought he was just being nice to me and very gentlemanly cos we were close friends and he valued our friendship.I gave him 2 CDs for his birthday but it doesn't mean I had/have a crush on him.I did this cos I valued our friendship.Do you agree with what I said above?Please feel free to say no if you don't agree.I'm totally up for any different opinions and explanation

What do you think?

I was exaggerating a bit when I said it automatically meant he wanted to get into your pants but there is a phenomenon that you should be aware of. Some guys will use friendship as a (very inefficient but some people are clueless) tactic to get balls deep in dat ass. As the friendship strengthens, so does his boner for you in direct proportion. Then the gifts start coming and he will expect you to open your legs. This is how many guys think. We get bombarded growing up with fairy tales of white knighthood where some "prince charming" gives the girl everything she wants, treats her like a queen, never says no to her for any reason, puts her on a pedestal, etc. and at the end of the story he is just plain gets the girl, no questions asked. And then you have all the tv shitcoms and movies where a kind of semi-real life version of all this tends to take place. A side effect of this is the number of guys who give women this treatment and think they are entitled to their pussies because of it and the number of women who think they are entitled to this treatment because of their pussies. This combination of entitlement issues has the male/female dynamic all kinds of fukked up.

Not saying it's the case every time a guy buys gifts for a female friend. Again, my above post was a bit exaggerated in some ways. But in your particular case I think it's kind of hard to deny that something similar went down.

[edpjrr]

edpjrr, as I said, he is using you (I think unintentionally) as an emotional rebound. It means he isn't "into" you, but he likes having you as an emotional "pillow" on which he can count and that makes him feel somehow safe. I think he is attracted to you because, unless he is depressed or socially inept, a guy doesn't spend 7 hours a day talking to a girl he isn't attracted to.

I don't think it would be a good idea for you two to start dating, before he has gotten over his ex. Being a rebound sucks, don't put yourself in that position. I think you should stop talking to him and give him time to heal, otherwise he will always associate you with his ex and with this negative period of his life. If you two are "meant to be" and he actually likes you not just as an emotional tampon, then he'll come back once he's done mourning.

This guy and I weren't friends and we never talked to each other on facebook chat when he was still dating his ex-gf. I met him through his ex-gf.I met him only 4 times.Every time I saw him,we were in a group and I always considered him as my friend's boyfriend. We were just like acquaintances.

After he broke up with his ex-gf,he started talking to me on facebook chat.He's always the one who initiates a conversation and we always end up talking to each other for 7 hours every day(even when he was cooking,packing,watching tv...etc.).This has been happening for 2 months already. We grow closer.Now we're close friends and we can talk to each other about everything.Now I start developing feelings for him.I think I start liking him.I didn't tell him how I feel cos I know he hasn't got over his ex-gf.He still talks to his ex-gf pretty much everyday on skype. He talks to his ex about me quite often and his ex told him,"wow!You're her expert!You learn a lot about her.Are you both going out?"
I don't know if I should tell him my feelings.The more I talk to him,the more I like him. He said there's no such thing as "purely platonic".He said it's hard for guys to have purely platonic friendships with girls...but it's easier for girls.

He admitted he's lonely,miserable,bored and desperate.He told me he doesn't have a lot of friends.He's not good at making friends with new people and it's very easy for him to dislike/hate people(who he has never talked to). He's kind of an alcoholic cos he's drunk quite often.He told me many times he wanted to get me drunk.I asked him why.He said,"cos I want to drag everyone down to my level".

He asked me to hang out with him last week.Yes,we ended up hanging out one-on-one all day. We even had dinner together at a restaurant(not as a date).We talked a lot and we had a good time.He kept saying he wanted to get me drunk but I said no cos I've never got drunk before and I'm not a big fan of booze.But he still kept asking....Finally he insisted on buying me a small glass of beer. Luckily I wasn't drunk.He drank a lot of beer and walked me to a bus stop.When we were waiting for the bus,he was a bit drunk and he told me,"I'm sorry...I can't talk to you on facebook chat tonight cos I'm drunk and tired.I need to go to bed earlier." I asked him,"really?you're drunk now?" He said,"yes,I'm drunk..and now i'm thinking about sex...like..lie tangent to curves" I was shocked. After I got home,he sent me a text,"Hope I haven't been too weird today Anyway,you made my day today but I'll probably be even more miserable tomorrow due to you're not being there!"

We hanged out again and had lunch together the next day.We had good time together but after lunch,he asked me to go to a bar and to drink with him again! He said he wanted to get me drunk.I said no! To be honest,I have no idea why he always wants to get me drunk. I went home after lunch.He rang me that night (at midnight).I found it a bit weird that he rang me at midnight cos he had never phoned me just for a chat.But it was his first time to phone me and we stayed on the phone for 2 hours.Our conversation was a bit weird.He told me he has a crush on a lot of random girls at university and he has no idea which girl he likes the most.He said he still hasn't got over his ex-gf.He asked me if he could hang out with me again the next day.I said,"I'm not sure about my plan.I may see my other friends tomorrow" He asked,"I have an essay due in 2 days but I still haven't started writing it yet.I know I need to do it now but I don't feel like I want to do it..cos I would rather hang out with you tomorrow...Can I accompany you all day tomorrow? Wherever you go,I can go with you tomorrow. Btw,can I come to your place for dinner tomorrow?I want to try your cooking" I didn't say yes. Then he said,"I used to freak a lot of girls out when I got drunk.I said something weird to them....then they just told me,'oh,i'm sorry.I've got a boyfriend'....Then they ran away and never speak to me again" I asked him,"what did you say to them?" He said,"I can barely remember....it was ages ago....anyway,if I get drunk next time and say something weird to you,will you run away and never speak to me again?" I said,"well,it depends on what sort of thing you will say to me" He asked,"if I say some bad things to you like..like what Daniel has said to you before,would you run away and never speak to me again?" (Daniel used to be my close friend but he wanted to be my friends with benefits but I turned him down and ended the friendship). I asked,"Do you mean lie tangent on my curves/friends with benefits?" He said,"well,not as bad as this one cos this one is very bad.Daniel is very bad...I'm not as bad as Daniel...I'm slightly better than him..." I asked him,"are you drunk?" He said,"no!I'm not drunk!I've had 2 pints of beer..and now I'm drinking whiskey..." I asked him,"You told me you're slightly better than Daniel.So..if Daniel is 2 out of 10..then you're 3 out of 10,right?" He said,"yes,I'm slightly better than him...but I'm still quite bad" I still had no idea what he was trying to ask me.....

[bearz]

Are you sure he doesn't just want to get you drunk so you will have sex with him? I don't know about you but I generally try to avoid people who drink a lot and are drunk quite often, that goes for men and women btw.

Him having crushes on random girls at university should also be a warning sign for you. He doesn't seem to have any real and honest feelings for yoj, you are just the person who is easily accessible to him right now and that's why he wants to spend so much time with you. As soon as someone else shows up in his life you won't be getting as much attention from him anymore.

[michelle23]

They sound very immature

They were immature. They were teenage boys.

[Boisdevie]

I don't know about you but I generally try to avoid people who drink a lot and are drunk quite often, that goes for men and women btw.

I find drunk women are great in bed. They fall asleep really fast afterwards so there's none of that annoying chit chat. And they never remember in the morning that I couldn't get it up and failed to come.

[bearz]

I find drunk women are great in bed. They fall asleep really fast afterwards so there's none of that annoying chit chat. And they never remember in the morning that I couldn't get it up and failed to come.

Well there's always that I suppose.

[michelle23]

lmfao. Drunken sex sounds sooooo good........

HAHAHAHA

[edpjrr]

Edpjrr, if you shut your eyes and use your imagination, you can see anything that you want. Perhaps you are already doing that.

Yes,I use my imagination. I can see something that may happen instead of that I WANT

[searock]

edpjrr, I'm amazed you actually have no clue as to what he wants. He clearly wants to have sex with you. He doesn't want a relationship with you (one of the reasons is that he still hasn't gotten over his ex), so for now he wants to go on dates with you and sleep with you. Are you fine with that?

If you're not convinced: how about you ASK HIM what he wants?

Also: what do YOU want?

[edpjrr]

I was exaggerating a bit when I said it automatically meant he wanted to get into your pants but there is a phenomenon that you should be aware of. Some guys will use friendship as a (very inefficient but some people are clueless) tactic to get balls deep in dat ass. As the friendship strengthens, so does his boner for you in direct proportion. Then the gifts start coming and he will expect you to open your legs. This is how many guys think. We get bombarded growing up with fairy tales of white knighthood where some "prince charming" gives the girl everything she wants, treats her like a queen, never says no to her for any reason, puts her on a pedestal, etc. and at the end of the story he is just plain gets the girl, no questions asked. And then you have all the tv shitcoms and movies where a kind of semi-real life version of all this tends to take place. A side effect of this is the number of guys who give women this treatment and think they are entitled to their pussies because of it and the number of women who think they are entitled to this treatment because of their pussies. This combination of entitlement issues has the male/female dynamic all kinds of fukked up.

Not saying it's the case every time a guy buys gifts for a female friend. Again, my above post was a bit exaggerated in some ways. But in your particular case I think it's kind of hard to deny that something similar went down.

LOOOOOOOL
I love your post,especially the way you exaggerated things.I can tell you have a very good sense of humour LOOOOL

Yes,you're right.I'm sure some guys will use friendship as a tactic.They just pretend to be the girl's "friend".

" This combination of entitlement issues has the male/female dynamic all kinds of fukked up."<---That's why it's not a good combination.

"Not saying it's the case every time a guy buys gifts for a female friend"<---Yes,it depends on what sort of gifts the guy buys.If it's something cheap,small or casual,then it doesn't mean anything...but if the guy tries to make an effort or to buy something special,valuable,expensive or massive...then it's another story