girl at work

[sdfan]

hi. I just started a new job bout a month ago, and there is a girl who caught my eye. I don't know much about her, but I walked past her desk/cubicle and got her name, but that's it. Anyways, we are in separate departments, so we don't have any contact. How can I try to talk to her without making things weird. Like I said, I don't know anything, even if she has a bf or not. Any help is appreciated

[vashti]

Start simple: say "hi" and smile. Let conversation evolve naturally when you run into her somewhere away from her desk.

[Tedel]

Vashti's right. A gentleman starts by greeting.

Anyway, if things turn out fine and you start a relationship, get ready to quit and look for another job to avoid problems. It's the best policy.

Hope this helps.

[sdfan]

thanks for the replies. I don't think dating would cause much of a problem, since we are in different departments on opposite sides of the building. I have one more question though, more of an add-on to the old one. We work different shifts, I come in an hour earlier. So we take our breaks at different times, which makes it hard to try to talk to her somewhere. I have walked past her a couple times in the hallways, and just the ol' smile and nod/say hi thing, like you said, but havnt been able to go anywhere past that. Do I just have to get lucky and find her in the break room or something?

[GrkScorp]

I have walked past her a couple times in the hallways, and just the ol' smile and nod/say hi thing, like you said, but havnt been able to go anywhere past that. Do I just have to get lucky and find her in the break room or something?

No.. there's no aspect of "luck" involved.. it is what you make of it.. if when she walks by, all you can get yourself to do is smile and say "hi".. then all you're going to get is a smile and "hi" back.. Until you start to give off a creepy vibe..

- You again, you keep running into me here and there, what department do you work in again? Yikes.. and I thought my job was bad, that must be horrible.. how on earth did you end up there?

- Blah blah blah..

- Anyway, I actually have to get going, sorry.. i'll see you around some other time.. bye..

The "magic" is in the "Blah blah".. she works in your office, don't be desperate, needy, or clingy.. you're going to see her again for crying out loud! Just break that awkward spell, and establish enough comfort and familiarity with eachother..

when there's enough comfort and familiarity, "invite her" (don't ask, it's not a yes/no question, it's an invitation) for lunch/dinner after work.. and that should give you the time and environmental conditions you need to get to know eachother.. heck, you might not even really like her, you don't know until you know some more about her.. and the way to do that is by talking.. and the way to do that is by first opening..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

heck, you might not even really like her, you don't know until you know some more about her.. and the way to do that is by talking.. and the way to do that is by first opening..

I agree. I've actually been through that. I've been infatuated with a girl at work, until I found out more about her and my infatuation did 180.

[vashti]

I'd recommend against complaining about your job to her. Personally, I find it a MAJOR turn-off when males do this. If you spend 1/3 of your life doing something, it should be something you are proud of, or at least don't hate, and I find that people who don't like their job spend an awful lot of their time complaining about it. Yuck.

[GrkScorp]

I agree. I've actually been through that. I've been infatuated with a girl at work, until I found out more about her and my infatuation did 180.

Anger, Love, and Power, cloud the mind and its ability to reason..

I can't say I suffer from the other two, but i've had the misfortune of feeling the effects of Love, one too many times..

This awsome girl, this wonderful object of femininity, the woman of your dreams.. you don't even know her name, but you've already planned out the wedding & all its guests in you head.. and then you find out that she's in over her head in debt, or parties a little too much and loves Jack Daniels & Johnny Walker more than GrkScorp, or comes with uncalled-for emotional-drama-baggage, or is simply drifting through life doing nothing productive with herself having no goals for herself other than finding a guy to get married to and cling onto like her daddy for the rest of her life..

Now, if she's working in practically the same office, you can pretty much rule-out the last thing there.. But you won't know if this mild-interest you have in her is even justified, if you don't find out something more about her..

For the moment, the only thing you're interested in is the fact that she's not ugly.. i'm sorry.. to be nice.. not "not so attractive".. and that she has enough class and manners to be civil, professional, and polite by greating you with a "hi" and a smile when you walk past eachother.. and not treat you like you killed her mother or something of that nature..

The only way to find out something more about her, which is really to say that you're finding out something about her in the first place.. is to start a casual conversation; not to appear like you're TRYING to start a conversation or keep one going.. but just to not be rude, to be polite, professional, get to know the people in your building even if they're in a different department, and just engage in meaningless small-talk because you're bored.. So, open up and say SOMETHING: (Important! Talk slowly! Don't rush, it's not a race! if you catch yourself talking fast, slow down!)

- Ugh.. I forgot to put sugar in my coffee.. I should really cut back.. You know.. they say people live longer lives when they cut back the calories they take in? It's true, I was watching this thing on the discovery channel the other day, on how they cut back the food they were giving to mice, and the ones with a reduced supply of food, lived almost twice as long! It was just showing how the brain works, and it was talking about this French cave explorer who got stuck in a cave for 3 weeks, and how he survived! Note to self, never explore caves by yourself.. anyway, within a couple of hours, your body releases this chemical, orexin, and it cuts back the growth-rate of useless stuff such as nails or hair, isn't evolution and our body so nice, trying to save us money on haircuts and waxes, but more importantly, your muscles need less energy to run on, everything is running on increased efficiency, including your brain which is now in "i'm hungry and looking for food mode", so you're naturally more focused and alert.. It's worth a shot, they were showing doctors talking about how a lower calorie intake alone, not considering differences in fat or cholesterol intakes, made the heart look and function as if it was 10-15 years younger by age 60.. Just don't tell anyone else around here, before they start cutting our lunch-breaks to keep us more focued.. I'm ___, I never got your name.. O.K. i'll try to remember that, you don't work in (your department) do you? Yeah, because I haven't really seen you there, unless you just show up to get paid.. But seriously, do you work here, or do you just come here for the same reason I do? The free coffee..

You don't have to memorize this, it's just an example of how naturally the conversation can develop.. Look at it, notice it.. before you read it, keep in mind all the points where she can come into the conversation.. how casual, natural, funny, non-needy & non-pushy it is.. As you read through the example.. try and notice some of the natural elements of opening conversation.. how it makes it easy for her to come into the conversation, how you throw interesting & funny bait until she bites and it hooks.. but you don't TRY-HARD to get her interested or laughing.. that's being desperate.. as you start to notice those things for yourself, and get a clearer and more solid understanding of how to make it into the way you naturally talk.. you'll see for yourself how automatic and natural this way of speaking can be, and how relaxing and comfortable it is to open up and talk to new people casually.. it's not a big deal.. it really isn't..

Best,

GrkScorp

[anachronistic]

I'd recommend against complaining about your job to her. Personally, I find it a MAJOR turn-off when males do this. If you spend 1/3 of your life doing something, it should be something you are proud of, or at least don't hate, and I find that people who don't like their job spend an awful lot of their time complaining about it. Yuck.

Yeah, and what if the girl likes her job? She could be offended by that, unless you're really sarcastic or something, which probably wouldn't be good for a first impression.

Instead of

"You again, you keep running into me here and there, what department do you work in again? Yikes.. and I thought my job was bad, that must be horrible.. how on earth did you end up there?"

I'd probably say something like

"I see you come and go through this department all day long; you must have an important job!" I shouldn't need to tell you that you should be smiling when you do this. Give it a nice little pause for her to say something. If she doesn't, ask her what she does.

[sdfan]

Good god....you're good grkscorp. Did you make that up or read it somewhere. Inspiring. I'm gunna have to think of something good (probably run it by you guys first ) and try it out at work

[anachronistic]

Don't write up a script! For god sake. Let the spontaneity run amok! Just have a general idea of things to say. If you write up a script, it's like back in school when you are trying to figure out what the answer before the teacher calls on you.

[Mish]

Another suggestion, appeal to her emotions at all times! Emotions make events memorable. When she thinks about the highlishgts of her day at night, you better make sure you're in them.

You can knock her value

"Hi, you look depressed (concerned look) should I notify your supervisor?"

Build her value

"Hi, you look like you're happy, that's strictly forbidden by our company policy! But, just between you and me, what's your secret?"

If there are a few people present

"Whose party is this and what are we celebrating? Where's the alcohol stash and how did you sneak past the management? Hey wait, are they in on this?"

[GrkScorp]

Good god....you're good grkscorp. Did you make that up or read it somewhere. Inspiring. I'm gunna have to think of something good (probably run it by you guys first ) and try it out at work

First of all.. I know.. it's too easy to be cocky and say something like "only "good"?".. but i'll resist, and say thanks.. i'm just some guy, like you and every other guy.. and as all of this starts to become more natural.. you'll start to notice for yourself easy it is to just talk to anyone you want, for any reason or for no reason at all..

Secondly.. i'm slightly offended you'd think i'd copy that from somewhere.. I do have my influence from some people, but one thing they ALL have in common, is.. "no scripts, no memorizing, no being fake, no lines"

Third.. i'm still a bit taken back you'd think i'd copy that from somewhere.. because it's such a natural conversation to have with someone.. learn to talk this way.. learn to open casually this way.. and learn to cast a wide conversational web/net to never have to struggle for things to talk about..

In case you want to know how I came up with it.. I tried to put myself in your situation.. and think of a 7.5 (since you're not exactly drooling over her looks).. I took as many factors as I could into consideration (your job, her job, etc) and how I could just start the conversation, even if she wouldn't give any green-lights.. So why not just create a green-light on your own? And from that point on.. conversation just flowed naturally..

Please.. DON'T MEMORIZE THE EXAMPLE.. I used it as an example, so you can get a feel of what natural office-opening conversation looks like, sounds like.. It's not too personal, it doesn't contain anything to imply that you're trying too hard to get her attention or interest (in fact, it does none of that).. you're just talking, first about something meaningless like sugar in your coffee.. then you jump to something you saw on the discovery channel, then you jump around to some humor, and back to the body and the discovery channel, and then all over the place really.. creating a ton of avenues she can come in and join in on the conversation.. all without rushing, taking your sweet time, casually talking, not trying to impress, entertain, or win her favor/interest/attention in any way.. just talking.. and just naturally have her join in on the talking.. and after a while.. leave.. (that's right.. YOU will leave first.. you're going to see her again.. be the guy she had a fun time talking to but had to go unfortunately... DON'T be the guy who talked her ear off and she somehow managed to leave or you thankfully left after what seemed like forever..)

What I can't contribute to originality, was the part about the discovery channel.. it's actually a special they're having now, Human Limits.. parts 1 & 2 were about the brain..

The best material, is natural material.. Yes, we get it.. Don't be "try-hard".. that's a no-no.. a very very big no-no.. But please be interesting.. READ.. try and read an interesting book each night or to/from home/work (unless you drive).. Stop watching porn, news, or sports, and start watching the travel/cooking/history/discovery channel.. Pick up a hobby, and when you master it, pick up a new one, life isn't too long, make the most of it.. Lastly, talk to people, outside of work.. just to get a feel of how you make people feel, the value you have to offer them, and how the natural structure of casual conversation sounds like.. (it's best to talk to complete strangers for this)..

[sdfan]

Didn't mean to offend. Anyways, I thought I had my opportunity to talk to her yesterday. I saw her out my window at work, talking on the phone, and she seemed like she was either having a bad conversation or was cold... Couldn't tell. I figured I would try to meet her in the hallway on her way back on "my way to the bathroom" and try some small talk ( if she looked upset, ask if she was alright), but when I saw her coming back in I was in the middle of something and couldn't leave. So I hoped that today I might get the same opportunity, but it never came. Always tomorrow I guess. But, you guys think this is a good idea or not?

[GrkScorp]

Didn't mean to offend.... Always tomorrow I guess. But, you guys think this is a good idea or not?

JOKE!!!! Seriously..

Anyway.. just be natural.. don't try hard to think about what to say.. because you should just talk about anything.. just talk.. and don't try hard to be funny or fun.. just be natural.. and fluid..

And remember, the "right moment" doesn't exist.. there's no such thing.. the only right moment is "now".. it's always now.. the second you wait and think of "what should I say".. you're killing yourself.. just talk.. it's not a big deal..